Posted in Random on April 28th, 2003 by admin

Welcome One and All,

Much has happened since you last joined me for a discussion of
random events and such (with whatnot excluded of course, and et cetera

School is winding down as I write this, which means I can
finally devote some time to things that I normally wouldn’t,
like people and I don’t know, Forklifts.

I write this particular update after a most excellent night of
assorted social gatherings and “parties”, if you will, so the once
youthful good looks of myself and suitemembers have been ravaged by
Long Nights, the Cruel Hands of Time, and in Steve’s case – excessive
tobacco consumption that borders on severe addiction. Oh, I’ll tell
that story later. In any case, Status Report:

Steve: Mentally and
Physically Broken, a shadow of his former, jovial self. Steve spends
little time now doing anything besides drinking, smoking, and whatever
else you can do with a Beer in One hand and a Cigarette in the other.

Jerry: Obviously “Hungover” but refuses to believe it is possible
because in his words “I don’t get hungover.” Can barely lift his own
weight from his black swivel chair after consuming over a half dozen
“Bacardi Ultra Gay Orange Fizz Rizzers*” in a One Hour Period.
Although Jerry too is broken mentally and physically, he still manages
to bring me great enjoyment with his willingness to provide myself and
others with quality film’s to view. Everyone should watch a Movie
featuring a Caulkin family member. I don’t care which one, just pick,
you indecisive Goat Gulpers.

* – 5% Alcohol by Volume (That’s
probably the same as Flinstone’s Vitamins)

PJ – He is not exactly here right now, I think he went to West
Virginia (Something about Counting Birds). His status was last noted
on April 25-26 when I offered him 5 dollars to make out with Cara. He
refused, but only because he didn’t have 5 dollars to back himself up,
since he lost it to Dave Stack playing “Gay Frisbee Club Poker
Round-Up Texas Baseball 7-Card-Draw” or whatever he made us play that
night. Note: I won $4.25 that Night in Nickels, Dimes and Quarters and
Today I met Dave Stack’s Mother and Grandmother. I was scarcely aware
Dave Stack had any living relatives, as he seemed to be an inner city
orphan bicyclist of some sort.

Evan: Apparently he was involved in
some kind of rape incident over the weekend (I’m pretty sure he didn’t
get raped and that he didn’t rape anyone else. I think he tried to
bust up some rape-ring or something?) Evan sleeps till 4:00 every
weekend anyway, so I can’t judge his physical status. Mentally, he
seems better, but he is still quite suicidal. But hey, that is what
keeps us on our toes around here. He possesses some pictures of me
that I will need to obtain.

Chris (Riechy): I don’t really keep
track of where Chris goes anymore – I just know he does it for the
kids. The Music-Oriented ones anyway. I saw him lastnight at a party
where I basically just handed out Camel Turkish Golds to everyone I
could find. If anyone has seen those Turkish Golds, please let me
know. Chris provided me with moderately humorous chit chat so we could
look “Cool.” Then we made fun of Jerry for passing out on a Sofa from
drinking the aforementioned  “Bacardi Ultra Gay Orange Fizz
Rizzers*” Chris seems in Good Spirits, even though his Dark Lord of
Music forces him to commit unholy acts in the name of the demonic
incantations D# and E.

* – 5% Alcohol by Volume

Me: I feel very excellent right now, and have no cancer. The story
of my weekend is this: Total Racquetball Domination. I have once and
for schooled Steve in the grand Tradition of David and Goliath, with
my mix of speed and agility confronting Steve Grubb’s “Bigness.” Both
games were fought on an epic scale of Racquetball Conflict – I myself
Sustained numerous injuries resulting from the fact that both of us
were hitting the ball as if it were a rocket propelled grenade heading
for a church full of sweet, sweet candy. My domination was apparent
when Steve collapsed at the end of Game 2 in a breakdown of all his
musculoskeletal systems. Steve was so winded from the game (possibly
due to his 4 pack a weekend cigarette habit) that I was actually
worried I might have to remember some form of cardiopulmonary
resuscitation. I swear to God, his nose was running from some form of
dehydration and his limbs were as unresponsive as Stevie Wonder at a
Laser Light Show. I myself was mildly fatigued.

Status Report

Recent Highlights Include:

– PJ constructing a hat from
a case of Beast

– Evan busting a rape ring

– Jerry bringing forth
Igby Goes Down

– Kona providing us with Sex on the Beach


– Me being as social as Dom Deloise at a Cooking

– Spitting flaming Vodka


Guys, the Suite needs some work. I blame
Basic, for no reason really.

Basically, I’m Tired of Writing Now,

However, I may well update in a short amount of time –
I have stories to tell.

But in my Grand Tradition (or
should I say Tardition?) of Movies and Movie Quotes:

In matters of aggression, we have given them absolute power over us.
This power cannot be revoked. At the first signs of violence, they act
automatically against the aggressor. The penalty for provoking their
action is too terrible to risk.



Posted in Random on April 24th, 2003 by admin

I’ve been informed by multiple sources that this website has sucked
of late, and I can’t say I’m surprised. My creativity really flows
better when I’m manic depressive, starving, bitter, or all three at
the same time and lately I haven’t really been myself. To address
these issues:

– Hay Bales!

– I’ve cut back to 900 Calories a day –
Jesus save me

– Because of the above, I have increased pill
consumption to make up for the loss of those essential nutrients

Unfortunately, those vitamin pills have turned me into the bedridden
skinny guy from SEVEN

Jenny and Carrie are lesbians, I have decided.
Jerry and PJ are Gay. Riechy and Evan are Furries.

I remember
talking to Jerry about eggs today. For some reason he is allergic to
milk, yet consumes large quantities of ice cream.


Read it and weep you GOD DAMNED FILTHY JEW

Man, I had this crazy dream that I melted my grandfather’s WWII
Sabre with my mind somehow. It was like a piece of rubber. After that
dream I said something about Killing Japs to PJ, or Chirs, or Evan or
somebody, but I can’t remember what. Can anyone who heard me say
something like that tell me what it was – I remember it was hilarious,
but not why.

I’ve come to the conclusion as well that instead of
smoking weed, people who are addicts should smoke PINECONES. Think
about it, you’re smoking a plant with some kind of crazy sap, plus, it
smells like Christmas. Now, I’m not saying anything, but Marijuana
smells like Steve Grubb (Not Good). I bet if people smoked Pinecones –
it’d be legal already. I’m sure you stoners could get high off it too,
its all the placebo effect.

In Other News:

– Jerry, don’t hit me

– PJ, don’t hit me

– Chris, you’re alright, but keep the shirt on

– Evan, dont even ATTEMPT to name characters in STAR WARS outside of
Han, Luke, Leia, and Yoda

– Jerry, stop being a bitch to Evan

Evan stop being a bitch to Jerry

– Sara (If you read this, which I
doubt, Since you seem to have “friends” and “activities”) we have to
watch Dirty Rotten Scoundrels together. You’re the only person I know
at JMU who has actually seen and enjoyed it.

– Basic, you
are gay for not living off campus

– Bacon, you are alright, but I
don’t understand your name

– Land Shark, I will kill you in POKE
next time

I’m working on making this site “good” again guys.
However, I need your help! If you start hate mail threads and stuff I
will respond. Trust me, I work better writing articles about how much
things suck than how much, um, er, well, than articles about not
how much things suck

Now, For my Incredibly Random Picture and
Quote of the Day:

Paul: Father… father, the sleeper has awakened!

(Paul Atreides, People. You uncultured Grunt

Random AIM Quote

jMcNugget13: he doesn’t
seem like the type of guy who would paint his face and head red

doobiedealerman: well, clearly, he sucks huge



Posted in Random on April 22nd, 2003 by admin

You ever think about where you are in life? Why some people smoke
up all the time? Why others devote their waking hours to studying? Why
some people never get around to doing much of anything with their

Yeah, neither do I. People are just nuts.

Hans Gruber is giving
me the glare from approximately 22 inches away. Hans, Booby, I’m your
white knight. Speaking of Hans, I hear Alan Rickman is a pretty cool
guy. I wonder if he needs an errand boy.

I played “Poke” with
some random frisbee club guy a couple nights ago. Looking back on it:
What the hell was I thinking? Was I wearing a pink shirt? Was that
guys name really “basic?”

Events on the horizon include: Forklifts,
Brakes, Making Passionate Love to a Caterer, Getting the crap beaten
out of me by a rich business man, and Finding True Happiness. No wait,
that’s Kieren Caulkin.

Man, I’ve been hit hard by some
baseballs in my life. Some of ’em were in the facial region, but
nothing like this:


Look at the SHARDS MAN! THE SHARDS! I’d consider myself pretty lucky
that I’m not dead If I were him. I mean, those helmets are meant to
“stay in one piece”, and the fact that it blew apart is rather telling
of the balls speed.

Cool Image

Man, I really need to get back into a sport. I miss the pain of the
game – it tells you you’re alive. I;m thinking……..Baseball? And
hey, brings back memories of Jesse bruising the bejesus out of my
femur with his wild fu$%ing pitches. I think I just want to wear a
cast. I missed out on it as a kid.

In Other News:

– UK Import Clash, Baby

– Should probably go home after school ends.

– 2 more years baby, 2 more god damn good years. I realized that this

– When you get married – smoking up is a lot

Ripley: Lieutenant what do those pulse
rifles fire?
Gorman: 10 millimeter explosive tip caseless, Standard light armor
piercing round. Why?
Ripley: Well look where your team is, they’re right under the central
cooling towers.
Gorman: So?
Ripley: So if they fire their rifles won’t they puncture the cooling
Burke: Whoa, whoa, yeah she’s right.
Gorman: So, so what?
Burke: Look that cooling tower is just basically a big nuclear
reactor, right? So she’s saying one puncture in a line and “Adios,
Gorman: Oh great, wonderful. Shit!! Uh, look, Apone we can’t have any
firing going on in there, I uh, I want you to collect ammunition from
everyone. Fire units only I want rifles slung.
Hudson: Is he fu$%in crazy?!!
Frost: What are we supposed to use, man, bad language?


Notice how I censor my writing (fu*&)? I do it for the
kids people. Think of the kids.



Posted in Random on April 20th, 2003 by admin

I’ve had
some good nights at JMU, but looking back on them I realized all the
best ones have revolved around George Lucas or Steven Spielberg. And
all those nights have been spent with the half dozen or so individuals
that I consider to be my few good friends.

Mornings in my life have changed from High School to College,
and I feel better about waking up now than I ever did before. I don’t
sleep in because I’m afraid to start the day, and I don’t wake up
early because I have to be somewhere. I don’t feel like I have to do
anything the same way as I used to. I go about my activities when they
seem convenient to me, and for no other reason.

In a way, I’m living
the way I always wanted to….but not all the way. I don’t like having
my life so static -and we all do, don’t think you’re special-
and I sometimes have the urge to just dropout of school, to get a part
time job doing something on my own terms. I’m certain its some
kind of primal “man-urge” to stay liquid or to be unsettled, but its
so hard to explain in the context of contemporary society. We all live
in houses, work at full-time jobs, go to school, keep in touch with
our parents, and do what the TV’s tell us to. It’s just so hard to
drop it all and to give up any of that stuff.


In the interest of making this
update slightly enjoyable, I have written down some notes to myself
and I will regurgitate those here:

– I am having dreams about
ancient books, leather-bound and peeling, and I have no idea why

Have you ever received mail from Malaysia? I have. It’s got around 14
stamps on it. I’m going to frame it.

– I purchased Clash

– I own a Star Wars Shirt. Now and Forever, Baby.

Mental Note:
I’ve been having a series of strange “ways of thinking lately.” I
really don’t know how to explain this, but my brain is working
differently than it used to. I have flashes or random mental images
that I relate to printed text, pictures, movements (like waving
circles, or people turning their heads) that pop into my head at
seemingly random intervals when I talk to myself or others. It’s
really confusing to people because I’ll be discussing one thing then
immediately switch to something else with no transitional statement.

Me: “Yeah, so level 4 just ends with that stage of latent

Person: “What comes after that?”

Me: “4000 pounds of
dynamite was used in the demolitions seguence for John Frankenheimer’s
The Train.”

Person: “Pardon?”

Me: “Stage 5 is Principled

Person: “Right…”

I think so fast that I can’t go back to
explain what I just said, and by the time that’s clear to me I already
have another fragment of Information bothering me. Hey, I can write
like a crazy person.


She says the jungle… it just came alive and
took him.



Posted in Random on April 17th, 2003 by admin

Word Up Ladies and Gents,

I fell asleep in the sun a few days
back, so I resembled Two-Face/Harvey Dent with a much crapper
wardrobe. I really enjoyed real, actual light though. I thought I was
going to have an allergic reaction to non CRT luminescence, but I was
happily incorrect. First Off, Did you know so many good looking girls
go to this school? I swear to god, a month ago they were all stuffing
their sweatpants with wool or something, but now they are all somehow
hot and number in the thousands. Dozens upon Dozens of them 
spread themselves out on the grass throughout the Village – I believe
this should be treated as a natural phenomenon, like the swallow or
Aurora Borealis. However, there is a downside to this warm weather:
Shirtless Sports
. Now, although I myself live in constant fear of
removing my own shirt, I live in an even more constant, even more
fearful fear, of seeing other men/boys with their shirts off. I don’t
know why this is. I’m not homophobic (Lord knows I’ve seen Jerry and
PJ go at it in the suite in the wee hours of the morning enough), I
don’t have a fear of Chest Hair (Chaetophobia), and I don’t harbor any
particular hatred towards volleyball (my hatred is more bland and
generalized, I tend to discriminate against everyone and everything
equally). For some reason I find myself yearning to detonate a nuclear
device strapped to my chest the next time someone says, “sideout.” It
just figures that my dorm is surrounded by athletic fields of
different kinds.

There are only a few places guys should take their
shirts off:

– Sex

– Vietnam

– Concentration Camp

– Pro

– Death


talked to a kid on my way back from UREC today, and now I may be
forced to enroll in the Navy SEAL workout program. It sounds really
cool, and I bet I could totally take down some ruskie patrols if I
play my cards right. 

I “post registered” for all my classes today, to confirm my
enrollment in “COB 300 – Business Depravity, and how to subjugate your
fellow Human Beings into positions where they do your bidding.” I am
prepared for the onslaught to come. “My Soul is Prepared! How is

can’t describe how Gay not having a TV in our suite is. I think it has
divided us back into three rooms, and we no longer talk to each other.
So, Status Report:

Jerry: Still Ambiguosly Gay, but now he batters

PJ: Addicted to SSX Tricky, but still a frisbee player at

Evan: Seems to be less suicidal, but still slightly over the

Riechy: Fears that I am reading his AIM conversations, but has
no idea I treat them like chinese fortune cookies.

Steve: All he
does is sleep, and get IDOC’ed.


Other News:

– DVD’s? Yes please.

– I just wrote a report on Ted
Bundy – Some of my Best Work

– I spent two hours researching murder
at the library

– Stop poking my chest

Superintendent Chalmers: (seeing the kitchen is fire) “Good lord, what
is happening in there?”
Principal Skinner: “Aurora Borealis.”
Superintendent Chalmers: “Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at
this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely
within your kitchen?”
Principal Skinner: “Yes.”
Superintendent Chalmers: “May I see it?”
Principal Skinner: “No.”

Garbage Man

Posted in Random on April 15th, 2003 by admin

First Off, “Housekeeping” is their official title, so when they
start bitching about how they don’t like “Taking out the Trash” or
“Cleaning Up After People” you know that they have to go. I’ve got
news for you, there are people that get paid less for doing far fouler
things than you, and they are Called GARBAGE MEN. The next time
someone who is paid to “housekeep”� bitches about having to clean
up TWO trashcans is when I call up Garbageman Joe and tell him to come
up here and show you people exactly how to “take out the trash,” if
you catch my drift. Yes, I’m implying that these crazy bastards need a
few bottles of JD smashed across their foreheads to bring them back
into any semblance of coherenece.

Keep In Mind, I have nothing
against anyone whose soul occupation is cleaning up after people, or
that society deems to be a glorified janitor. I just think that when
you’re getting paid for “cleaning up” you should be able to remove two
trashcans once a week.� The saddest part of this whole scenario
is that some poor sap had to rummage through a garbage can of
urine-soaked, vomit saturated, rotting-pizza-riddled garbage to find
the evidence necessary to accuse us of a crime. All in all, I feel
sorry for this massive tool of JMU Bureaucracy, but at least they
were willing to touch the garbage that the housekeepers fear
more than a flaming Satan statue with goat blood spouting from it’s
eye sockets that is capable of consuming your soul using it’s demonic

So I say, Batter Up JMU! You want to dance with the devil?
You want to rock the Casbah of Eternal Damnation? Boo to the Yah!


On a lighter Note, Steve and I had a racquetball audience
today. Why? Perhaps they thought us so amazing that they deemed us
watchable. Now that I think about it, we were having an amazing game.
I was playing racquetball like a man possessed, and Steve was running
around the court like a Drunken Indian with his pants on fire.


Man, this guy is ON FIRE!


In Other News:

– Cadbury Mini Eggs =

– No More Suite TV, Were already packing up and won’t be
living together anymore. Tears.

– Song Du Jour is Phil Collins – I
Wish It Would Rain Down

I don’t think I want to know a six-year-old who
isn’t a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don’t want to know one
who takes their student career seriously. I don’t have a college
degree. I don’t even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one.
Because they’re ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like
you drag them down and convince them they’re no good. You so much as
scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about
it, and I’m coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown,
and have a rat gnaw that thing
Anita’s mole] off your face! Good day to
you, madam.

– “Uncle Buck


Posted in Random on April 14th, 2003 by admin

My Mother and Brother Breezed Through Town on Friday, but they
stayed long enough to buy me some food, which is always well received.
Hey, maybe I’m not going to eat it, but it smelled amazing.

Highlights from a fairly busy weekend:

– Jello, Jello, Jello.
Remember Jello 1-2-3? I think they stopped making it.

– The
Monkey/Broom Dance as Performed by a tall lanky man who was named
either Bill or Will

– The Idea’s for ‘Whos the Jew?” Card Game and
the “Guess Jew?” Board Game

– Pictures of Riechy holding the Cadbury
Bunny – Very Strange Indeed. Was that real?

– Falling asleep in the

– Spontaneous Ear-Bleeding. I don’t know what happened to it, it
was just bleeding. I’m sure I stabbed myself with something, I just
don’t know what. However, the amount of blood leeching to the surface
was astounding. I was simply amazed.


You haven’t really lived until you’ve dedicated an hour of your time
to worrying about what happened to a ham sandwich that you left on top
of a vending machine. Thank God, the sweet lord Jesus saved my
precious meal, and I was given the chance to enjoy a
coffee-machine-heated pre-packaged morsel of pork based product.

This is what the sandwich looked like, except
I removed everything but for the ham. Now, nothing stands
between me and the sweet goodness of ham. Ham, it’s been too
long, and now I’m going to consume you. To make your flesh mine,
and to use your flesh as my key to new worlds. Yes…..Your
flesh will be the key. I will enter new worlds, and you
shall be my guide. Yes……..


In Other News:

– Only a few weeks of school left. No
summer classes. Only summer work, which will provide me with much
Cash. The cash will be my key. Key to a world filled with
money. I don’t need money, but I can’t stay at home all day, and I
don’t drink enough to stay drunk all day like some of you
slackers are going to because you can’t find jobs.

– My legs are
burning with the fire of one sun. Exactly one.

Random Quote of a
Movie I Saw this Weekend:

Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto:
I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him
with a terrible resolve.

– Tora, Tora, Tora

Random Scary Picture:



Posted in Random on April 13th, 2003 by admin

I can’t say I’ve ever fallen asleep sitting up in a
chair before, well, at least not outside of school. However, this
morning I awoke to find myself lounging, in my chair, surrounded by a
pile of the marshmallows from Lucky Charms Cereal. The marshmallows,
Just the marshmallows. What happened to the other half of the Cereal?
Why were the marshmallows left behind? What The Hell is that
Leprechaun Up to?


I truly meant to say what I did last
night to Jen and Marisa. (sp?)� Yours are very nice indeed.

In Other News:

– Pink Polo Shirt

– Gas Station Attendant named “Gus”

– I honestly
believe “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake is a great song. Not
because Justin Timberlake is any good, but because that video has the
coolest stage I’ve ever seen. I mean, there are about 45,000 colored
light bulbs flashing to some crazy beat. How isn’t that cool? Plus, it
could give people seizures.

“I adimantly believe you
shouldn’t rape your girlfriend.”

– Ah, words of



Posted in Random on April 11th, 2003 by admin

People who just up and decide that they want to help somebody else
have always puzzled me. To sum it up, read this quote:

“It just took
a little longer to raise the money. That’s all.”

“You had to raise
the money?”

“Well, the cash prize wasn’t quite enough, so I had my
Father sell off the car, and the furniture, and all the jewelry.”

“What cash prize?”

“The prize from the contest. You know, I was
selected as the United States Soap Queen. That’s why I’m on this all
expense paid trip to Europe.”

“Your father doesn’t own the United
States Soap company?”

“No.(Giggles) No, I just use their laundry
detergent. You see, I entered their contest and then I won.”

barely know Freddie, but you’d sell everything you own for him?”

“Well, it’s not everything. I’m keeping the mink. Is that wrong?
Besides, knowing I helped a man like Freddie be able to live his life
again is worth more to me than the car, or the furniture, or all the
jewelry. I really couldn’t ask for a better prize than that.”


“I never knew that people like you existed. You are
generous, sincere. You are wonderful.”

Yeah, Insight into my
inner workings  Janet was the perfect woman.


In Other News:

– Wal-Mart
bag Cereal is alright by me.

– Two of my suitemates are bitching at
each other, but its all in good fun to watch them go at it.

– I want
to visit a foreign country. I’m sick of the US.

– The coffee machine
redeemed itself today.

Colonel von
: “Labiche! Here’s your prize, Labiche. Some of the
greatest paintings in the world. Does it please you, Labiche? Give you
a sense of excitement in just being near them? A painting means as
much to you as a string of pearls to an ape. You won by sheer luck:
you stopped me without knowing what you were doing, or why. You are
nothing, Labiche — a lump of flesh. The paintings are mine; they
always will be; beauty belongs to the man who can appreciate it! They
will always belong to me or to a man like me. Now, this minute, you
couldn’t tell me why you did what you did.”

Ask me about the
film this is from sometime. No one’s seen it, but it’s a classic.
Black and White, Old School. War, Art, and Love.


Posted in Random on April 10th, 2003 by admin

I recorded a note to myself this morning after listening to a
Gustav Holst Symphony. Apparently I had a “moment” while I was staring
at the sky. This happens to me an awful lot because sometimes I just
like to stare at people, things, and absolutely nothing. Frankly, I
find it calming, Others find it creepy.

Some of my classes are honestly beginning to worry me. I was
interested in something my professor was teaching and I asked a
question because I was “concerned” about something in the equation he
was putting up. I’ve become everything I hate in life. I have become
that guy who points out that his “T”‘s look like “+” signs, and that
he accidentally rounded 4.4446 to 4.45. I’m thinking I should drink
less coffee, or conversely, drink more Nyquil�.


On my
way through Dukes today I spilled approximately 8 ounces of boiling
spiced cider onto my leg, but all I could say to the guy next to me
was, “Eh, I don’t like these pants anyway.” I’m always the quick
thinker. The downside is that spiced cider is sticky, and it has
turned my once nearly-comfortable jeans into highly starched slacks.
Once when I was a kid I was bugging my mom and she inadvertently
spilled boiling coffee onto my leg, which upon treatment left me with
a wondrous scar. Maybe it wasn’t inadvertent now that I look back on
it.  (Tears)

Oh, by the way, No scar this time. Damn. Actually,
I’m looking for a stab wound and I think I know a girl who I could
aggravate enough to stab me. What a story I could tell to my

* – Random Children…because I wont have grandkids.


“30 years ago I was knifed in a bazaar in
He carried me to the hospital on his back.”

“Who stabbed you?”


“He did.”

In Other News:

– Jerry has a website.
So, to thank him for his support of my Website I will link to his:


– Searching for Guns on the
Internet is the scariest thing you can do

– I honestly considered
purchasing a cape today. I mean, what isn’t cool about a cape? Well, I
guess the beatings would be kind of uncool.

– I fell to my
knees stricken this AM in Zane Showker hall because the coffee machine
didn’t give me a cup and I was forced to watch the precious liquid
seep into the bowels of that machine, like so much priceless parchment
into a fire. I considered sticking my head into the dispenser area to
see if I could catch any.

– Jerry Didn’t post any
pictures of his swollen eye. Bastard.

Jerry: “Do I look alright?”

Myself: “You look like the
Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

Jerry: “Thanks, Paul.”

Myself: “No problem, I’m here