Posted in Random on May 23rd, 2003 by admin

Today Bev offered to buy me lunch based on my gaunt appearance and
seeming inability to consume enough food to support bodily function.
Man, I’m milking this all the way.� Free Meals? Mikes? Damn, the
catch-22 scenario.

Ok, Fast Forward to two weeks into summer, since that is the first
point where I have had enough time to write down anything I’ve been
meaning to.

The lake was fine – Dock is almost in, G-Rents are not
dead, Food was good, Golf Game is 100% better, but still quite


My job has begun. The pay is good, but more importantly it provides
me access to forklifts and empty rooms filled with boxes. Between
shelf-ball (in which I am the grand slam champion), Texas Hold-Em, and
hour and a half lunches, and work with little to no adult supervision
I have almost no time left in my day. It seems like work just fills my
entire life at this point. It always funny to think that school is the
easiest part of my life while work is the long, dreary summer months.
Now you all know why I don’t particularly enjoy coming home when all I
have to look forward to is waking up at 6:15 every day.

The upside is the money.

Bling Bling $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I don’t really need and/or want anything but it’s nice to have the


The weather in NOVA SUCKS. It’s been cloudy and rainy everyday. If
it weren’t for the fact that I work in an establishment with no
windows I would complain more.

Ok, everyone should go and rent Equilibrium. I wish I could
flat line it like that. Hey, I can, but with less killing efficiency.


Don’t wet the bed on this couch situation Peej. No one wants to
lounge on a hard, shitty, floor.

I think we should keep to the darker colors – less stain

I can’t believe I just put an entire album on my mp3 player,
especially a live one.

In Other News:

– So Cold here. Even Harrisonburg was warmer

– Adam is so weird

– Brad s going to kill Adam

– Anyone selling Airsoft?

– Nate almost died in a box avalanche

Jungle Book

Posted in Random on May 15th, 2003 by admin

Been home for quite awhile now. Don’t start work till Monday. Best
days ever.

This is a Wednesday update, and I don’t forsee another until Sunday
Night (Best Case). I’m heading to upstate New York for a few days –
The G-Rents have a place on a lake and I figure I need to spend some
time with them. I’m probably going to have to put in the dock while
I’m there, so who needs UREC? Those dock sections weigh about 200 a

On the less labor oriented side – ITS A LAKE! I’m fishing and
Swimming and Sitting on the Porch like a pro lazy person. I estimate
that I can do that for at least 8 hours a day if I put my mind to it.



– Ross to JMU

– Joanna (Sister) is the worst
driver ever.

Me: “Why is this plastic rail falling off the camry?
Did you hit a curb?”

Joanna: “It came outta nowhere.”


– There is so much food in my house! I swear to God, I
could live off what us in the downstairs freezer for the Summer if I
had to. The sad thing is that I refuse to consume any of it since it
would interfere to with my “fruits, crackers, and salad – plus candy”
diet. My mom bought me cookies shaped like Fish which I am saving for
a rainy day. The cookies have been mitigated to the “Hoarding” bag I
keep in my room which is now approaching 20 pounds. It’s chock full of
candy, cereal, chips, and snacks that I can’t really see myself
eating, but wouldn’t dare throw out or give away.

– T-800
Endoskeleton. Fedex Man – What a Job!


In the morning I wake up and brew at least 3 cups of
coffee. One for now, one for later, and one for drinkin’ cold and
black – like oil. I’m trying to force acclimate to 6:30 AM wakeups –
you know, since JMU has eternally ruined my biological clock.


OK, random nostalgic story. After I repaired my once defunct bicycle
to a fairly workable state I decided to take it for a test drive. The
Jumps. What are the jumps you ask? Basically, they are a series of mud
hills deep within one of the last remaining woods in my area that used
to be home to some of the coolest bike related injuries ever. I
remember throwing myself over the handlebars and gladly smiling my
bloody grin through the pain. Ahh, childhood. In any case, I decided
to go back there.

It was just like a Jungle Movie – Vines had
overgrown the path, trees had collapsed across the narrow route
through the woods, and the only tracks I saw were from Dog and/or
Dog-Like creatures. Now that I think about it, I should wash my legs
because there was poison ivy all over the place. Out, Out –
Damn………..Dermal Irritant!

Once I made my way through the pseudo-jungle I was surprised to
find my destination relatively intact, although it had fallen into
disrepair. The ramps and jumps were more like dirt piles and mud
puddles, but they were more or less there. I rode down a few to see If
I could recapture any sort of feeling. A little.

The worst part was
that some developer had purchased much of the nearby land, and had
cleared it of all trees, shrubs, and features. I took my bike that
direction and proceeded to inspect the construction zone. As usual,
the workers had left their machines there so I proceeded to climb into
each one hoping their would be keys. Alas, some smart bastard had
removed the keys in order to stop curious vagrants like me from
plowing into the woods in a 7 ton vehicle. I did steal a cool looking
helmet though. Booyah.

I had to ride home the long way – because I
had come up a big muddy hill on the way and feared for the safety of
my skull if I had to ride down it. Kinda symbolic right? I moved on
instead of going back. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Home Sweet Home

Posted in Random on May 12th, 2003 by admin

I am writing this on a much more ghetto pc than I am used to, so bear with the relative lack of pictures and coolness.

Heres the story – I am on a 56k. Now, that is an absolute killer to any kind of internet related activity except for text e-mail download and microsoft hearts, however, I will attempt to keep this site pseudo current over the summer which means you can check back occasionally for my random jibberish.

I may or may not “go places” and “do things” worthy of writing about, but hey, that never stopped the articles before. Sometime this week I will update with an article. A VERY FUNNY ARTICLE BECAUSE NOW I HAVE ALL THIS TIME ALONE IN A HOUSE OR AT WORK TO THINK ABOUT FUNNY THINGS.

Funny Thoughts

1) Church Sucks. My parents drag me to Church even though I CLEARLY BELIEVE IN NO GOD. Today’s hilarity was this…
(Some guy (church leader) is giving some graduating senior acolyte (jesus suck up) a silver cross)

Leader Guy: “We present you with this silver cross for your hard work.”
Me: “You should melt that down into a bullet and just end my life now.” (Id been sitting in church for 1:30 Hours)
Brother: “WAHAHAHAHAHHAHA” (Outloud)
Dad: “ROSS!”

2) I mow the lawn at a jog. Cool.

3) I climb onto our roof to help my brother clean a window – then try to climb down.

Dad: “Paul, don’t go on the roof in the rain.”
Me: “Alright.”

I bet you’ve never been on your roof during a thunderstorm climbing an aluminum ladder.

Alright, i gots to think some more.

I’ll update with pics and stuff next time.


Posted in Random on May 8th, 2003 by admin

Today, my friends, Is a Great Day.

I woke up at 10:30 –

Sold back two (of four) books for $85 – which is decent considering
that’s almost half.

Stole a pound of candy from the bookstore “complimentary” candy

Used some of the book money to purchase some new Mesh Shorts. I
can’t express how happy I am that JMU now provides non-gay (not yellow
or purple) clothing selections.

Bought Banana Pudding.

Had the best lunch in weeks with much hilarity.

Worked so hard at UREC that I feel sore all over. Man, I love that

…..and I still have half the day left.


Have I mentioned that my schooling years are almost over? Only Two
are left. Now, let me count

Preschool (Annandale United Methodist, 2 Years)

Kindergarten (Parklawn, 1 Year)

Elementary (Parklawn, 5 Years)

Elementary (Mantua, 1 Year)

Middle (Frost, 2 Years)

Highschool (Woodson, 4 Years)

JMU (2 Years)

…….17 Years! Holy Shnikes. I’ve been in school for a long time.

I’m gonna be sad to see it go, but on the plus side – I’ll never
have to smell that crappy macaroni again.


I had the best dream ever last night. It involved me finding out
there were 85 people living in my attic one day, then evicting them
onto the street like bums. The best part was that I totally looted
their former abode once they were gone – and found a crap load of food
and a Desert Eagle with a Shoulder Holster.  When they tried to
come back I threatened to blow them away so they left. I would be the
best landlord ever. I definetely remember finding a big piece of cake.


In Other News:

– Cinnamon Roll Oatmeal = Summer Rations

– Blue Shorts

– Hurry up and finish exams, biatches

– Home Friday, Work Monday. I hate that part of Summer, but I like
the money.

– Sentimental Value, Bitch! 

You know you can’t just run and shoot people in
the knee-caps with double barreled shotgun ’cause you’re pissed at

Beach me

Posted in Random on May 5th, 2003 by admin

Man, I’m such a sucker for a beautiful lady. I spent 5 bucks on
Cigarettes that I will never smoke because the Camel Lady told me to.
On the plus side, they came in a tin case which allows me to be ultra
gay and hide them away like a six year old and a case 0f juju bees.

Man, my right hand smells like Coffee and my left hand smells
like smoke. I mostly smell like crackers. Its getting harder for me to
distinguish the faint odor of Gummi Bears and Magic Marker that I
permeated myself with earlier.

Today I saw X-Men and nearly creamed my jeans. PJ, Jean and Logan
—— Almost. I always wondered how Mystique used her powers in her
“off the clock” time. Lucky Jew Bastard, logan.

The above are totally random thoughts.


Don’t tell me you bought a Tahoe for Softball. What kind of answer
is that? Who buys a gas guzzling vehicle for softball. “I need it for
the equipment space.” Equipment? A ball and a glove! That’s bull

On the plus side, I can roll my chair around the room now – I
cleaned up most of my shit so I wouldn’t have to do it later. The
downside is that when I took the solid stuff away, I found particle
matter underneath. Dirt, Dust, Dried Feces – whatever the hell this
stuff is. I’m tellin ya, the poor bastard that sanitizes our suite
year end will have to rent a pressure sprayer to remove the filth.

The Following is written on my hand as I type this: “Gummi Cigs”.


Villain Supply

I get a huge kick out of this website. It’s so…….Evil.

The Coasters, Oldies, the Beach. Oh, how I yearn for the Beach. I’m
going to enjoy it this year, I swear to sweet jesus. It’s hard to
believe I’ve been there…23 Times! Diznamn.

It used to be shrubs for 56 miles. Now it’s all condos. I’m 20 for
Gods sake! I shouldn’t have to reminisce about how different things
were when I was a kid. I used to chase lizards in those places, I used
to slice my foot open on barnacles chasing blue pinchers. Man, at the
time – serious injury. Looking back on it – Best times of my life. I
don’t remember why I did it. or how…but I do remember the bloody
footprints and my mom worrying about infection. I also remember riding
shopping carts because I couldn’t walk that well.



Posted in Random on May 2nd, 2003 by admin

Several Comical Things Happened Today and I feel the Need to Record

So, I’m basically done with finals. Yeah, its Thursday. I have
One Saturday, then some Cakewalks on Tuesday.

As the Story Goes:

– Jerry and Myself exerted ourselves moving an old futon from our
urine-soaked hellhole of a suite to the urine soaked dumpster outside.
You see its funny because it came in two pieces: The Frame and the
Mattress. Getting the frame down flights of stairs was like that
Japanese Thing where they ride a giant log down the side of the
mountain and proclaim the man who can still use both legs as the
winner. Now, Jerry and I tried riding it, but those stairs were some
tough mother f%^&ers and we ended up carrying it like a dead alligator
instead. The guys on the basketball court thoroughly enjoyed
themselves when we tossed it into the dumpster like a dead hooker
because it made the sound of a thousand steel girders hitting ten
thousand other steel girders in the New York Public Library. No
injuries. Secondly, we carried the mattress out -on our heads, mind
you- like some primitive African mattress carrying team. I tried to
convince Jerry that we should use it as battering ram, but he would
have none of it. Instead, we proceeded to toss that into the dumpster.
All in all, very fun.

Event (Funny) # 2

– I knew it was time to do the laundry when I was wearing Jackets
as Shirts. As usual, I proceeded to the basement with one of my 500
packs of Tide “Samples Only” packages in an attempt to use my free
detergent to cleanse my filthy wardrobe. However, because the
chemicals in laundry detergent are “poisonous” and “make pregnant
women give birth to babies with 3 heads” Tide took the liberty of
making the packages impossible to open with my bare hands. Now, what
was I to do? I didn’t want to walk up 3 flights of stairs to get
scissors, and I sure as hell was not using my own spit as detergent.
Using my College Education I decided to use my teeth to open them. The
fun part was when my squeezing motion and tearing jaws combined in a
display of ejaculatory excitement to pump 3 spoonfuls of liquid
detergent into my maw. Did you know Tide kinda tastes like Toothpaste?
Well, it does.

Event (Funny) # 3

– I recorded this exchange between Chris Riechers and Evan
Stepowany at approximately 11:22 PM:

Chris: “Whos the rat in A Sanitary Zoo?”

Evan: “Sanit….. it’s ‘OO'”

Chris: “‘OO’ zy.”

Evan: “Oh I was thinking..”

Chris: “UZI like a gun?”

Evan: (Turns to me) “Why are you recording this!?”

Me: “Cause it’s funny.”

Ah, I’ll miss those exchanges in a week.


Another Funny Quote:

(This occurs after I chose Matza and Coffee as my Dinner at D-Hall.
yes, I have an eating disorder.)

Harv: “What is that? Hard Tac?” (Harv thinks its Hard Tac. You
know, Flour and Water that they used to eat in the Civil War in the
absence of real food.)”

Me: “Ha, did you say Hard Tac? Thats hilarious.”

Harv: “It’s like a Civil War Dinner.” (Keep in mind, I’m dipping
the matza in coffee.)

Me: “Except for if this was the civil war I’d be dipping this is my
own urine.”


Today was a good Day My Friends. No Classes for 4 months really.
Lots of free time. Good Company. Pleasant weather.

PJ is watching 8-Mile behind me.

Wladyslaw Szpilman: I don’t know how to thank
German Soldier: Thank God, not me. He wants us to survive. Well,
that’s what we have to believe.


Posted in Random on May 1st, 2003 by admin

The state of my life is this: Halfway through College, Not going to
Grad School, Fairly Satisfied with position in life, and still looking
for people that I can hang out with past 24 months from now.

honestly reflected today on how fast the time has flown by. I really
can’t believe how quickly I went from age 13 to age 20, and exactly
how much has happened to me during that time. Yes, I’m writing
sentimentally, but what the hey. I frequently discuss with others
exactly how theses are the best years of our lives, and how much were
going to miss them fifteen years from now. Were all going to take for
granted the fact that were young, relatively healthy, happy (most of
the time, except for Evan, who seems to be perpetually depressed – no
offense) and basically carefree when it comes to money, food, and the
other basics of life. I am absolutely certain that after age 25 none
of us will ever live like this again.


I’m sick of the Amber Alert System. You know? The one where we
notify every person in the continental united states that a female
below the age of 14 is missing? Technically, it applies to males too,
but no one seems to give a crap unless the person missing is a little
girl. I think its incredibly biased that we value the lives of young
females/males above everyone else in this society. I’m sure that for
every 12 year old that goes missing there are 43 males and females
above the age of 22 who get abducted, shot, stabbed, raped, whatever,
in the same time span. Basically, I’m bitching about this right now
because its on the TV behind me. Why am I watching CNN? Because ESPN
cancelled PTI to cover the Kentucky Derby. Please, Horse Racing is not
a sport. Well, its a sport, but only for Horses. I don’t think ESPN
has a lot of horse viewership.

I finished work on my last project of the year lastnight, after a
couple hours plotting queue lengths. However, I feel real good knowing
that I understand (at least partially) the physical math that drives
the world around us. That’s why I’m good at Math I think – it
flawlessly explains the world in digits and decimals. I love clean

Also, My Star Wars Shirt Came:

I mean sure, it guarantees that I will not have sexual
contact with a female for at least 4 years, but I deem it a worthy

I had RICE PUDDING at Market One Yesterday, and it was
incredibly delicious. It was one of those foods I forgot existed. I
also found that they carry all kinds of crazy cereal there. I gotta
eat there more often.


Random Notes:

– I love car rides

– I love wearing my jacket around campus in 78 Degree

– I love Selma Blair

– I love John Carmack

– Hey, lets get rid of that couch frame in the suite

Random Movie Quote and Image:

Oddball: Hi man.
Big Joe: What are you doing?!
Oddball: I’m drinking wine and eating cheese, and catching some rays,
you know …
Big Joe: What’s happening?!
Oddball: Well, the tank’s broke and they’re trying to fix it …
Big Joe: Well then, why the hell aren’t you up there helping them?!

Oddball: [chuckles] I only ride em, I don’t know what makes em work.