Several Comical Things Happened Today and I feel the Need to Record

So, I’m basically done with finals. Yeah, its Thursday. I have
One Saturday, then some Cakewalks on Tuesday.

As the Story Goes:

– Jerry and Myself exerted ourselves moving an old futon from our
urine-soaked hellhole of a suite to the urine soaked dumpster outside.
You see its funny because it came in two pieces: The Frame and the
Mattress. Getting the frame down flights of stairs was like that
Japanese Thing where they ride a giant log down the side of the
mountain and proclaim the man who can still use both legs as the
winner. Now, Jerry and I tried riding it, but those stairs were some
tough mother f%^&ers and we ended up carrying it like a dead alligator
instead. The guys on the basketball court thoroughly enjoyed
themselves when we tossed it into the dumpster like a dead hooker
because it made the sound of a thousand steel girders hitting ten
thousand other steel girders in the New York Public Library. No
injuries. Secondly, we carried the mattress out -on our heads, mind
you- like some primitive African mattress carrying team. I tried to
convince Jerry that we should use it as battering ram, but he would
have none of it. Instead, we proceeded to toss that into the dumpster.
All in all, very fun.

Event (Funny) # 2

– I knew it was time to do the laundry when I was wearing Jackets
as Shirts. As usual, I proceeded to the basement with one of my 500
packs of Tide “Samples Only” packages in an attempt to use my free
detergent to cleanse my filthy wardrobe. However, because the
chemicals in laundry detergent are “poisonous” and “make pregnant
women give birth to babies with 3 heads” Tide took the liberty of
making the packages impossible to open with my bare hands. Now, what
was I to do? I didn’t want to walk up 3 flights of stairs to get
scissors, and I sure as hell was not using my own spit as detergent.
Using my College Education I decided to use my teeth to open them. The
fun part was when my squeezing motion and tearing jaws combined in a
display of ejaculatory excitement to pump 3 spoonfuls of liquid
detergent into my maw. Did you know Tide kinda tastes like Toothpaste?
Well, it does.

Event (Funny) # 3

– I recorded this exchange between Chris Riechers and Evan
Stepowany at approximately 11:22 PM:

Chris: “Whos the rat in A Sanitary Zoo?”

Evan: “Sanit….. it’s ‘OO'”

Chris: “‘OO’ zy.”

Evan: “Oh I was thinking..”

Chris: “UZI like a gun?”

Evan: (Turns to me) “Why are you recording this!?”

Me: “Cause it’s funny.”

Ah, I’ll miss those exchanges in a week.


Another Funny Quote:

(This occurs after I chose Matza and Coffee as my Dinner at D-Hall.
yes, I have an eating disorder.)

Harv: “What is that? Hard Tac?” (Harv thinks its Hard Tac. You
know, Flour and Water that they used to eat in the Civil War in the
absence of real food.)”

Me: “Ha, did you say Hard Tac? Thats hilarious.”

Harv: “It’s like a Civil War Dinner.” (Keep in mind, I’m dipping
the matza in coffee.)

Me: “Except for if this was the civil war I’d be dipping this is my
own urine.”


Today was a good Day My Friends. No Classes for 4 months really.
Lots of free time. Good Company. Pleasant weather.

PJ is watching 8-Mile behind me.

Wladyslaw Szpilman: I don’t know how to thank
German Soldier: Thank God, not me. He wants us to survive. Well,
that’s what we have to believe.

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