Train Story
The Train was stopped on the Tracks. Stopped. Not Moving. It wasn’t going imperceptibly slow, it was Incredibly Stationary. Clear Track Ahead. Clear Track Behind.
And One Man on a Bicycle wanted to not die of Hypothermia before whatever Force Controls the Movement of Trains decided to put down his copy of Goosebumps: Post Apocalyptic Nuclear Family Barbecue, and got back to work.
I did what any man would do – I tossed my fear of being crushed beneath row-after-row of shiny metal pizza-cutter-like wheels aside and decided to cross. The only problem: A 75 Pound Bicycle.
I nixed the idea of sliding under in favor of going over. I stepped up onto a coupling using the ladder soldered onto the side of the car. (Hey, if it started moving, hopefully I’d be knocked silly – but the Bike would be the only real casualty – And it sure would be fun to watch a train run ove a bike.)
Sure enough, the second I reached down to Grab the bike, the Train Jolted Forward and My Animal Reflexes kicked in.
– Heart Beat immediately jumped to around 135 BPM
– Muscle Strength Increased 2 Fold
I reached down (well below the area my feet were) and grabbed onto the handlebars. Summoning all my strength in an effort to save my Trek Mountain Something 800 from certain destruction I heaved up wards and over – Catapulting the bike through the two cars and into a pile of brush on the other side. Alas, the Brake line was stuck to some technical train part and i lept off the car to free it.
Train: 2.5 MPH
Bicycle: Dragged like a Sled full of Corpses by the Train
Me: Prying, oh god was I prying
As the Train Passed – I imagined my skeleton appearing (attached to the underside of some train part) in an edition of Hobo Obituary Weekly.
Eventually I freed my good transportation-giving friend and all was well. However, I need new brake pads and a screwdriver. Oh yeah, Hobo Respect +23
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