Laptop
Tonight, I anoint myself “Master of Crazy Phrases.”
As I realized the candle I was lighting was leaking onto my leg, –
searing, boiling wax – I frantically took down the term “I
spilling wax on myself” into my tape recorder. Between my obsession
with the infamous “All your base are belong to us” and “Hewwo” I am
closer and closer to giving up on the correct grammatical construction
of sentences that I once strove to deliver with supreme eloquence. I
cannot explain the occurences – but I can blame, and I blame the
Internet.
——
In Game Theory we spent 45 Minutes analyzing “Rock, Paper,
Scissors” in terms of Nash Equilibria (Clue – There are none!) But if
you ddn’t already know that – You must be the biggest Loser at Rock,
Paper, Scissors ever. The infamous example is that of Young Bart
Simpson, who without fail would play “Rock” every turn – regarding the
“Rock” as the superior move. Clearly, his strategy was dominated.
Speaking of which – How come paper beats rock? I understand Paper ->
Scissors and Scissors->Rock, but why should a piece of paper beat a
rock?
—–
Today, PJ received his spanking-new Dell Laptop. It’s better than
Christmas for techies, and that includes me, even though I do not
personally own the laptop. My expernces with Dell have been mixed: I
think their pc’s are so-so, but i really enjoy the way they will
replace laptops even though it’s obvious you purposely destroyed them
in an attempt to kill “Steve” himself.. Steve is the evil blond kid
that lives inside all Dells, and he is more terrible than the dark lord
himself.
To compete with PJ’s new wireless freedom I busted out my wirelss mouse
and keyboard and stood next to him typing furiously make myself feel
better about it. Unfortunately, I generated 2 pages of jibberish
unsuitable for reading by even the most retarded public school children.
——-
Know what the best vegetable is? Peas.
Best Drink? Coffee
Best method to cook fish? Poaching.
…
Go forth with this knowledge and make good on your promises to yourself.