Smooth
I kid you not, If you don’t believe you can be dependent on one food group
alone – you are wrong.
For 13 days I have been dependent on smoothies for, nearly, the entirety of
my dietary intake. Not fruit smoothies either, various versions of “Strawbery
Shortcake”, “Orange Dream”, and “Amaretto Mudslide” manufactured under the TGI
Friday’s Mixers Brand Name.
Breakfast – Mudslide
Lunch – Orange Dream with Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Chai as additional Flavoring
Agent
Dinner – Mixture of Assorted Chocolate Bits, Strawberry and Mountain Dew (to
add that Special Evening Sparkle!)
—–
I now find myself oddly interested in kitchen appliances that I once shirked,
foolishly believing them to be the domain of Butlers, “Kitchen Cannibals”, and
the Prawn Queen (I’m pretty sure she uses a food processor to mix equal parts
Crustacean and Goya Manufactured Legumes).
—
In news only those with a future in the business world care to read, and
possibly care about, the SAS program has made 2 hours everyday a living hell.
For those who don’t know, its used to analyze statistical information in
large data sets: Regressions, Proc Means, Data Grouping Subsets- all that boring
shit we learn to impress ……well, I don’t know why we learn it, mostly to
teach us how aggravating our lives would be if we were statistical engineers or
something.
I only write about this because I enjoy the sessions I have with this
software (Available In JMU Labs only, for my convenience!) because each and
every use is a new experience. Much like ramming your fist into a short
circuiting garbage disposal and running hydrochloric acid down the drain
simultaneously, you get that “Oompah” every time you are assigned a new project.
You may take for granted the fact that, generally, when you open a piece of
software in a windows system it: Opens, Stays Open, and “Doesn’t Crash Your
Individual PC, and every PC adjacent in a 4 Deep Configuration.” I do not.
—–
Anyway.
This beer reminds me of a joke. A guy walks up and takes a seat at the bar
and says to the bar tender I got a bet for you. You see that glass way over
there? The guy ya know, points all the way to the other end of the bar. Well i
bet you i can piss from here all the way over there into that glass without
spilling a single drop. Bartender just says that’s bullshit!! Guy goes on sayin
I guarantee, in fact i bet you $300 that i can do it! Bartender is just like all
right, go and try it! So the guy pulls out his dick and is lookin’ at the glass
lookin’ at his dick. Thinks on his dick, thinks on the glass. dick glass. dick
glass. dick glass. glass dick. and then he fu$%in lets it rip! He’s pissin on
the phone, pissin on the stools, pissing on the bar, and even pissing on the
bartender himself. he’s pissin everywhere EXCEPT in the fu$%in glass. and the
bartender is just standing there laughing his ass off, piss all dripping off his
face. Then when he finishes, the bartender says, all right pay up. The guy says
excuse me for a minute. So he walks over to the pool tables and talks to a few
guys and comes back. He slaps 300 bucks on the table and says thank you sir
happy as can be. So the bartender looks at him and says what are you so happy
for? You just lost $300! Well you see those few guys over there? Well I just bet
them $500 EACH that i can piss on your bar, piss on your phone, and even piss on
you. And not only could i do this, but you’d be happy!