It turns out that all those trips to UREC have finally paid off…

Lastnight, at around 2AM and for reasons I cannot mention (for fear of
Tarnishing my Immaculate Reputation) I found myself faced with the daunting task
of climbing two stories on the outside of an apartment complex in a
semi-coherent state.

The physics and math of it all were favorable, but for one technicality:


– Weight (Now making 124 Ibs of pure Stallone-esque fighting muscle)

– Arm Strength (UREC Bicep Curls)

– Inability to feel pain (NOT a result of Alcohol)

– Tennis Shoes


– One Useless Hand (*) Wrapped in Non-Gripping Towel Bandage


* Useless due to 2nd (Possibly Third **) Degree burns*** on knuckles, palm,
and back of, hand.

** Wouldn’t that be hardcore!

*** Do not play with Lighter Fuel


Upon realizing that the patio (not the front door, as I didn’t have my keys)
was the only entry option, I surmised that my chances of making it to level 3
from Ground were quite good (In the neighborhood of 80/20, if my math serves me
correctly). Logic dictated that that said climb would take only newbie****
levels of skill to accomplish.

  1. I proceeded to grab hold of 2nd level railing from my stance on top of 1st
    level railings.
  2. Using my upper musculature I pull myself to level 2’s base.
  3. Sandal #1 is lost.
  4. Putting the loss of sandal #1 behind me I climb on.
  5. Sandal #2 is lost.
  6. Now Shoeless (Much Like Jesus Christ at the Scourging) I proceed.
  7. Railing on level 2 is uncooperative, multiple tenants seem to have
    deposited urine on slats.
  8. Railing #2 is Breached, I laugh hysterically.
  9. Towel falls off of aforementioned damaged hand.
  10. I cry a little bit (on the inside)
  11. I proceed.
  12. Left leg is uncooperative, multiple attempts are made to swing the leg
    onto railing level 3.
  13. Left leg disregarded
  14. Right leg successfully occupies a tremendously uncomfortable position
    wedged between two level 3 slats
  15. I reach level 3 Balcony
  16. I realize I climbed the wrong side of my building.
  17. Tenants of 893K seem perplexed.
  18. I proceed through steps 1-> 15 again.
  19. Sliding Door on porch level 3 (My apartment this time) is breached.
  20. I fix myself a smoothie (I earned it)

**** No Yeti, Arctic Conditions, or Extended Distances


Quote of the Update:

Professor Henry Jones : Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final
Indiana Jones : What final challenge?
Professor Henry Jones : Three devices of such lethal cunning.
Indiana Jones : Booby traps?
Professor Henry Jones : Oh yes. But I found the clues that will safely take us
through, in the Chronicles of St. Anselm.
Indiana Jones : But what are they? Can’t you remember?
Professor Henry Jones : I wrote them down in my Diary so that I wouldn’t have to

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