Phil Dentist

Posted in Random on October 24th, 2004 by admin

Note the tiny picture below:

It is the first (and only – up till now) picture of me smiling while taking a
picture. Orthodontia and Fouled self esteem circa 1998 have eliminated the open
mouth smile from my repertoire for some time. I don’t know why my Father’s
Genetic Traits were inherited on such a 1:1 basis, but I’ll be damned if Modern
Dentistry didn’t find an answer.


A couple lessons from this week:

– When you ridicule someone for their incompetence in web content
administration, you have been online too much.

– When the lady at Wal-Mart fails to realize you are trollying 2 cases of
Beverage in your cart – and therefore fails to scan them – you should just go
with the flow.

– Everyone needs a toaster oven.

– Never underestimate the power that you hold over people more than 3 years
younger than yourself. (Up till age 34, when the advantage disappears. Only to
reappear at age 65.)

– Phil Collins is under-appreciated.


Phil’s best Years occured during the 79-84 “I’m balding and have a stripe of
hair moving down the equator of my skull” Period. Period.

Bush Olympics

Posted in Random on October 17th, 2004 by admin

Eternal Pumpkin

Posted in Random on October 12th, 2004 by admin

Legend has it that on the 6th Day of the Year 2006, at 6:00 AM (Zurich Time,
don’t ask why – Apparently Switzerland is a Nexus of Evil) that the Shroud of
Total and Infinite Darkness will encompass all of the known universe and Human
Life will be remanded to slavery under a dark lord known only as “Zorbitron” –
who is ironically NOT a robot, even thought the name implies that he is.

Of course, most legends are bullshit.


I haven’t stolen a candle that smells this good since Autumn of Tet, and that
was from those greasy gook hands after I impaled him with that pair of
chopsticks. Yeah, chopsticks my rear-end. I’ll take a good old spoon any day.
Anyway, the candle is sold at that Conglomerate Superchain we all know and love
– it’s called “Pumpkin Spice” or some such nonsense designed to stir some
whimsical notion of Halloween Trickery we once had as children. Dammit, it

I’m personally guaranteeing that I will be carving the most masterful Darth
Vader pumpkin ever committed to something from the Gourde Classification on or
before October 25th. Come see it at my apartment.*

* If you don’t know where I live it’s because you’re a filthy internet
stalker, or possibly the even more filthy “inktomi slurp bot” or the Pedophilic
“Googlebot.” Get the hell out of my house.



Clementine : Let me show you something… come on…
Joel : I think I heard a crack.
Clementine : It’s not gonna crack, or break, or… it’s so thick!… Show me
which constellations you know.
Joel : Um… oh… I don’t… know any.
Clementine : Show me which ones you know!
Joel : Okay… okay… oh! There’s Osidius.
Clementine : Where?
Joel : Right there… see? Sort of a swoop and a cross, Osidius Emphatic.
Clementine : You’re full of shit, right?
Joel : Nope. Osidius, right there, swoop and cross.
Clementine : Shut the fuck up!

Faster, from US

Posted in Random on October 5th, 2004 by admin


Places I’d Regard as a “Decent” Option for my new Permanent Residence, if
George W. Bush is elected President in 2004:

I’m serious about this people, have you ever been abroad? It’s night and day.
I actually believe Pakistan is on a better track than the US.


– Every European Nation (Southern Russia excepted, if you consider that

– Egypt + Morocco, but not Libya

– South Africa

– Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Paraguay, Uruguay,  El Salvador, and Peru

– Iceland

– Japan*, South Korea,

– Turkey, Malta

– New Zealand

– Azerbaijan

* – Japan’s strict immigration laws make it difficult to obtain permanent
residency, but this will likely change as their need for foreign workers
increase. (Japan’s Population Growth is nearly Negative)

Nations were pulled from Rankings of Education, Human Rights Agendas,
Democratic Organization, Economics Growth, and Relative Betterness than the US.



Real, Actual Information about the conflict in Iraq

Amnesty International – Iraq


Totally Unrelated:

Faster – Trailer



“There Must Be Some Misunderstanding” and “Salsbury Hill” were tainted by
the fact that I had to share credit with Peter Gabriel. Yet, I smile.