Posted in Random on February 26th, 2005 by admin

I miss days of our grandfathers, back when men were real men.

Back then the game of dodgeball was played with rocks and the game of dodgerock
was played with knives. I miss the days when everyone was a badass.


It hurts me to think that for years society stands idly painting its fingernails
while icons like Clint Eastwood are replaced by wieners like Ryan Seacrest. If
these generations of manly men were still alive they would spit tobacco juice in
Ryan Seacrest�s face and then make him wash and wax their Trans Am.

Back in the good old days things were much simpler. Back then you could walk
into a caf� and not be totally confused. This is because back then it didn�t
matter if you were trying to order, cappuccino, mocha latte or espresso they
were all called the same thing � scotch.

Back then four out of five doctors recommended smoking. This isn�t because of
doctors� ignorance to the dangers of smoking. This is because lungs used to be
much more manly. Lungs used to be a manly shade of black instead of a girly
shade of pink. But these days our lungs have devolved into an advanced state of
weenie-ism making us incapable of enjoying rich tobacco goodness.

When manly men aren�t eating pieces of s*** like you for breakfast they�re
eating sausage wrapped in bacon, wrapped in more bacon and topped with a fried
egg, and they wash it down with a glass of bacon grease, topped off with a
doctor recommended cigarette.


Wimps, weenies and vegetarians are ruining our great nation. America is on a
downward spiral, we�ve got a fever and the only prescription is scotch, red meat
and lumberjacks.

—- Courtesy Zach Parks —-


Posted in Random on February 18th, 2005 by admin

Like so may times in the past, tonight began with an innocent imbibing of my
favorite drink – the Orange Cream Senator’s Spending Initiative Mixer (Coined by
myself). Less than 3 hours and 12 minutes later, Matt had a mohawk and I
was talking about going to Georgia in pursuit of various sugar-based delicacies.
Twas the best of times, twas the best of haircuts.

The last 48 hours has seen a rebirth in the roommate/Paul relationship – as I
have spent more than 8.9 minutes actively engaging the frisbee team in
conversation – good conversation at that. I had almost forgotten how
comfortable the broken, soiled, blue recliner actually was.

Top 5 Items of the Week:

– Harrison Ford rarely uses profanity

– Hashbrowns actually contain sour cream, when prepared correctly

– The “Hellfish Bonanza” or “Crazy Negro Barn Fire” will be held this
Saturday – sorry, no directions as Basic has deemed it an “invitation only”

– I actually did James Madison University a service this Tuesday, by
explaining the fact that Economics Major’s are, in general, male and creepy –
yet highly analytical and intelligent
– I swear by
this recipe. It embodies all that is good in this world. Caramel, Chocolate, and
Crackers. Also – Democracy, as well as canned whipped cream and Cadbury Easter

Marksman #2: What are you?
Dorian Gray: I’m complicated.