I miss days of our grandfathers, back when men were real men.

Back then the game of dodgeball was played with rocks and the game of dodgerock
was played with knives. I miss the days when everyone was a badass.


It hurts me to think that for years society stands idly painting its fingernails
while icons like Clint Eastwood are replaced by wieners like Ryan Seacrest. If
these generations of manly men were still alive they would spit tobacco juice in
Ryan Seacrest�s face and then make him wash and wax their Trans Am.

Back in the good old days things were much simpler. Back then you could walk
into a caf� and not be totally confused. This is because back then it didn�t
matter if you were trying to order, cappuccino, mocha latte or espresso they
were all called the same thing � scotch.

Back then four out of five doctors recommended smoking. This isn�t because of
doctors� ignorance to the dangers of smoking. This is because lungs used to be
much more manly. Lungs used to be a manly shade of black instead of a girly
shade of pink. But these days our lungs have devolved into an advanced state of
weenie-ism making us incapable of enjoying rich tobacco goodness.

When manly men aren�t eating pieces of s*** like you for breakfast they�re
eating sausage wrapped in bacon, wrapped in more bacon and topped with a fried
egg, and they wash it down with a glass of bacon grease, topped off with a
doctor recommended cigarette.


Wimps, weenies and vegetarians are ruining our great nation. America is on a
downward spiral, we�ve got a fever and the only prescription is scotch, red meat
and lumberjacks.

—- Courtesy Zach Parks —-

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