Gentlemans Literature

Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I have the deepest respect and the greatest admiration for semi-professional actress and professional model Kelly Brook. Her work has delighted me for years and has led me to fully appreciate both the marketing strategies of the Reebok Corporation…

as well as the cinematic prowess and visionary directorship of the juggernaut Piranha film series……

Anyway, this should illustrate why the news of a 9/2010 Playboy feature of Kelly made my eyes water with the kind of joy Michelangelo must have experienced  as he gazed upon his semi-nude biblical characters etched on a famous  Italian ceiling.  I needed to obtain this gentleman's literature, and I needed to obtain it on August the 13th in the year of our lord 2010.


I don't have a subscription, and haven't since I lived off-campus at JMU 5 years ago.  Even then, it was a crapshoot whether or not you'd actually see the thing given that 20-25 young men had access to that apartment and that you'd be testing your resistance to herpes merely touching the cover of the magazine and eating a sandwich on the same day.  I would so have to, unfortunately, physically tender cash in exchange for goods at a retail establishment.

Since about 7 days after the DoD created the internet, retail naked-lady (and man) publications have been on the decline.  Those without internet access have been relegated to the concentration camps of their local Borders (?), 7-11, and privately owned newsstands for their adult nature literature.  I don't know this because I'm a frequent-flier or anything, but I can't help but notice that somebody is buying those plastic-wrapped articles behind the counter and that Mr. Hefner is still a very wealthy man.  Hugh donated $900,000 to save the Hollywood sign from imminent condo development, so for chrissakes sympathize with the  cause.  Library of Congress, here he comes.


Buying magazines with women on the cover is tricky whether they're artistic, fashion-oriented (if your a dude, you're gay!), or adult-oriented.  Pray for a 40 year old hells angel at the register and no one behind you in line.  Shoot yourself in the face if you're at Toy's 'r Us or Panera, because you fucked up and did it wrong.  This is my short story. (continued shortly)

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