Cork on the Fork

I wore shorts to all my classes today because the
temperature reached 45�(Tropical, Baby).

Today I feel
it is important for me to establish how much I hate different people

– The Girl in my GHTH Class that assumes she is in her dorm room, and
not a 500 Person Lecture Hall. Have I mentioned how much I want to
stab myself in the Ear every time you say something like……”Nuh uh
Girl, he not playin me like dat!” or “Yuh huh, I use da cream on my
genital warts” in the middle of a quiet lecture hall?

– Guys (Or Girls) who like to slam into each other while walking
around campus and then end up whining for help when they finally break
an appendage. You  know, the people who feel that the harder they
slam into someone, the cooler they are.

– That Guy who
always continues to ask questions after class is over so no one can
get up without looking like an asshole

– The guy that
absolutely refuses to yield if two people have to walk through a
narrow hallway. Usually, I end up ducking under a swinging arm or
sliding along the wall so I don’t collide with them. Come on, I
shouldn’t feel like Indiana Jones trying to get past “three devices of
lethal cunning” when I walk up the Staircases in Showker.

– The COB 291 Professor who assigned a problem with over 17 Variables
and 18 Constraints as a “Quiz.”

Ok, now lets move on.

I’ve discovered
that I can receive messages from the Nether Realm if I trick my
printer into spewing forth its demonic incantations:

Careful Analysis Reveals the Following:

By isolating the Complex Symbols into Less Complex Groups of Symbols I
have discovered the following words repeated over and over:

In the name of Satan, Ruler of the earth, King of
the
world, I command the forces of Darkness to bestow their
Infernal power upon me. Open wide the gates of Hell and
come forth from the abyss in answer to your most
Unholy names
 

Damn.

In Other News:

– New
Jersey Jazz Clubs? Me?

– Periodic Inventory Management
Analysis Program?

– Erik Estrada Tells me I’m Gay

– 2 Hours wasted on Linear Programming

If you hate
a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What
isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.

-Herman Hesse

It’s amazing to think, but I do believe I woke up too
early today. Now, 10:00 AM is stretching it for complaining about, so
bear with me.

After 2 Group Meetings that already put
my Social Quotient above 100 (34 is Regular) I met with someone to
discuss Inventory Management and then headed to class. The Professor
skipped out 30 minutes early because no one wanted to answer his
quasi-rhetorical questions, so I hit Chap around 2 and nearly fell
asleep. I was awakened by a Vanilla Coke bottle hurled at my head from
a kindly roommate, then proceeded to Dukes to achieve minimum food
consumption of 400 Calories per Meal. I was seduced by the Dark Side
of the Food Industry and sunk a massive amount of funds into non
perishable food packed into a cooler.

Returned to
Chap, more sleep. Awakened by kindly suitemate after I fell asleep
reading Dickens, and proceeded to haul provisions to a friends car as
a favor (since he was heading home for the weekend). Sandals rapidly
filled with snow, and feet became hypothermic.

Nourishment Expedition No. 2 was uneventful. More sleep followed.
Remote Control is broken so I used suitemates to change channels.

Racquetball was scheduled at 6:00 PM, saw former Girlfriends new Boy.
Very Sweaty. Worst Racquetball of my life, so very tired. No speed and
no skill today resulted in severe thrashing. 

Shower was uneventful

———————————————————.

Shaving:

Ok, I have to shave just like any other man,
so I figured why not do it the right way? Poisonous Cream and Razor
Sharp Blades shoved into my face.

When I shave, I
stare directly at my face as I make dozens of smooth passes across it.
The whole time I’m moving my head to see it from different angles in
the mirror. Bottom, Straight on, Left, Right, From the Top etc.

At first, I’m wearing a green mask. Strip by strip I can see what’s
underneath.

I never get chances to look at myself in
mirrors anymore. At least, not alone. I look different to myself. Not
more hansom, not uglier, not paler, not stiffer, nothing like that.
Something more subtle.

I don’t know what it is
honestly, but I can say with certainty that I feel something. 

Maybe I was just really tired when that happened, I could have been
hallucinating from racquetball fatigue.

———————————————————

Oh, for the love of Jesus I hurt all over. Legs, Arms, Shoulders, Head
(Racquet), Feet….all equally sore.

I turned down a
ride home, but I don’t feel too bad about it. I talk to my siblings
enough, and parents are fine. I have the feeling I should be getting
to know them while they’re in good health, though. Most of the kids
around me are unconcerned with stuff like that…they party, hang out
with friends, date, etc…but it bothers me that most of us never know
them and realize our mistake later, when they may not be the same
people they used to be.

———————————————————-

Tomorrow has been designated a recovery day for me.

I’m going to shave my head. Hair is a hassle.

I want to bleed from my mouth again.

Welcome to a Special Lazy Saturday Update!

Follow the Action in this Pictorial:

Note: Steve Nash
did not actually play Basketball in Our Suite. I needed a picture to
fill out the row.

Ok, as you may have noticed, this is just one picture. I am currently
installing a Picture Gallery Module and I need some time to prepare
it. Please Remain Calm, Muckwompets.

(Also, if you
don’t know me, I’m the one at the bottom (The Exceptionally Pale
One.))

In Other News:

– PJ can walk on top of Snow, Much like an Elf

– I can appear and disappear like Batman

– French Vanilla Cappucino and Hot Chocolate Mix Well

Griffin: All right, you fools. You brought it on
yourselves. Everything would have come right if you’ve let me alone.
Let me near madness with your peering through the keyhole and your
gaping through the curtains and now you’ll suffer for it. You’re crazy
to know who I am, aren’t you? All right, I’ll show you!
[Takes off the fake nose.]
Griffin: There’s a souvenir for you.
[Takes off the goggles.]
Griffin: And one for you.
[Starts taking off the bandages on his head.]
Griffin: I’ll show you who I am and what I am!

Once again I find myself going to bed rather early,
but waking around 4 in the morning. I have no idea why this has
started to happen recently, but I am presuming it’s biological since
my Dad has similar sleep patterns.

Human beings tend to think from one day to the next
-today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow- and the borders between the
days are maintained by sleep. So, to me at least, waking up at such an
odd hour seems to give me an extra day (albeit, one only an hour or so
long). Keep in mind, I only stay awake for an hour or so, then get
tired again and return to the Upper Bunk.

As I usually
do, I walked over to my fridge and replenished the liquid I had lost
while sleeping and then progressed outside of my room. I feel sorry
for the people at JMU that live in long hallways where you have to
walk by 30 doors to get to a staircase, I rather enjoy the fact that I
can avoid human contact while moving around. I went to the window and
opened it up – 81 was quiet, there were just a few trucks passing
every couple of minutes. You could hear them a mile off as they
started getting gradually louder and after they roared by it was
nearly silent again.

Alright, I walked around some more
to see if anyone was around. My insomniac friend from next door had
just taken a shower and I said “Hi” then kept walking. When I got
outside a cab pulled up and one guy got out and walked briskly inside
the building, He looked pretty out of it.

If I could somehow focus what I refer to as “The 4 AM
Craziness” I currently possess, I could probably do some useful
things. I could make people breakfast, or do my homework, but for some
reason I don’t. More than likely I would just end up updating this
website, but what the hell.

—————————————————————

Maybe I should videotape myself sleeping sometime. I know I sleep like
a Vietnam Vet with all my kicking and twisting, but it’d be cool to
know exactly what I do. I have the “falling” dream at least a dozen
times every night (the one where you kick like a crazy person because
your body believes you’re falling). It probably means that my
subconscious thinks I’m failing (failing = falling).

FreakyDreams.com

Yeah, that sounds about right.

But how can I have the “flying” dream then, too?
 

I guess this means I’m very successful in my failure.

—————————————————————–

In Other News:

– Fall in love with the Idea of Love?

– Nah

– Dammit Dixon, you have to hit the three
at the Buzzer.

Some people just wanted to blow it
all to hell, animal, vegetable and mineral. They wanted a Vietnam they
could fit into their car ashtrays.

– Michael Herr, Dispatches, 1977
 

Jerry: “Why didn’t you talk to that guy with me?”

Me: “I hate that Mother F^&*er!”

Jerry: “Wahahahahhahahaha.”

Ahhh, dinner with the guys.

Oh, and give Karen my Best.

——————————————————

Alright, with all likelihood I have a place to live next year, so
preparations must begin for the giant Plywood wall of Graffiti!

She stands a mighty 9 Feet Tall and 15 Feet Across.

I hope it still exists in one – three pieces
somewhere. Possibly Pennsylvania?

Hell, we can always
make a new one.

——————————————————-

Ok, Hilarity.

Professor: “You see, this is no harder. It’s just more constraints.”

Me and a Classmate: “…………………….damn.”

In
all truth, the problem is not that difficult if you know what you’re
looking at, but I still find it comical that there were 24
Constraints. Plus, that picture is awesome.

Seth, your
scanning skills are appreciated.

——————————————————————

In Other News:

– Racquetball Skills Improving

– New Jersey Confirmation

– Working in the Office of
the Secretary of Defense? Here I Come Rummy!

Elsa:
[to Indy] I’ll never forget how vonderful it vas.
Professor Henry Jones: Why thank you. It was rather wonderful.
Elsa: [Kisses Indy.] Zat’s how Austrians say goodbye.
Colonel Vogel: Und zis is how ve zay goodbye in Germany, Dr. Jones.

[Punches Indy.]
Indiana Jones: I liked the Austrian way better.
Professor Henry Jones: So did I.
 

My Most Prized Possession

�

The Sexual Assault Mask

Modeled by Han Solo

I can’t describe the love for this
simple ski mask turned Sexual Assault Aid. No, I have never
actually sexually assaulted anyone wearing this mask, but if I
needed to, I would choose this particular one in a heartbeat. It
provides the Insulation of a� full face mask and facial obscurity
without sacrificing freedom of movement in the process.�

————————————————————-

It might feel good
it might sound a little somethin’
but damn the game if it don’t mean nothin
what is game who got game
where’s the game in life behind the game behind the game
I got game
she’s got game
we got game
they got game
he got game
it might feel good
or sound a little somethin
but fuck the game if it ain’t saying nothin

Oh
yeah, tell it like it is P.E.

I have the sudden urge to
just throw my life out the window and dedicate it to the kids.

—————————————————————

She lists her interests as: Beatles, Indiana Jones, Monty Python, U2,
Princess Bride, and Webpage Design. But she’s from Toronto.

Diznam Girl, Where You Been All my Life?

In Other News:

– Must Purchase Bowl?

– Urge to Smoke Rising

– Thank You Adobe Photoshop, you have given me so much

The glory of taking a man from his bed in the middle of the night
and gunning him down in front of his wife and children. Where is the
glory in that?
�