Cork on the Fork

Everyone Fights, No One Quits.

I’m supposed to make up for a late update with a
double long, so here it goes:

Window Into My Mind

– Ah, JMU in the Spring – Now I remember why I came to
a school that was 60-40

– Racquetball is turning into a Pro “Fu$^ing” Sport
Lately. Honestly, I won one game today, but came away with a sprained
elbow and “turf toe” resulting from a wooden floor.

– Between 3 Queen CD’s and PJ’s copy of The Who’s
Greatest Video Hits I’m Overloaded on Bands that my Parents should
have listened to, but they weren’t that cool. Wait a Second, Maybe
They Were, I think my Dad went to about 4 Three Dog Night Concerts.
They were Steel Battalion.

– How come there aren’t any good bands any more?
Aren’t I supposed to turn 40 before I start hating all the current
Music out there? All the bands nowadays are called “XR45” and
“Demonized” and they all cater to High Teenagers who feel 
Depressed if they don’t spend 40 Bucks on Tickets to Mosh with other
Stoners and rave about there “hardcore” lyrics. I can’t listen to
another song where the lead singer is a) High b) A Filthy Hippy c)
Younger than 23 or d) Prone to mentioning Smoking Up like it’s
Breathing

– Been busy with a lot of random stuff lately, I miss
the good old days when I had hours to contemplate my existence. Busy
is Good. But Mentally Busy is Better.

———————————————————————–

I need some friends who just enjoy playing chess and
drinking coffee. That was a good time.

I enjoy being bald, as you’ve probably gleaned that
information already from my stream of bald guy pictures. Michael
Ironside is my Personal Hard Ass Hero.

———————————————————————–

I can’t decipher what I want in life anymore…I’m
really not interested in anything…I just have the urge to travel to
Europe and live alone, but the logistics are entirely too complicated
at this point. That’s why I want to keep ties to a minimum.

Richter:
“You have to make a decision, sir.”
Vilos Cohaagen:
“Kill him.”
Richter:
“It’s about goddamn time.”

-Total Recall

What About all the Good Things Hitler Did?

Does this offend you?

If So, Do Not – I Repeat – Do Not Proceed to this Link

T-Shirt Hell

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I’m going to buy some Lenses So I can Look This
Professional All the Time

*Note* – I Don’t Like Smiling, So I Purse

I kind of believe I look like a Nazi Scientist, which is very Strange,
but intriguing at the same time. When I Purse my lips my “Serious
Looking” Quotient Goes Up almost two fold.

———————————————————————–

PJ Brought Some Random Pittsburgh Ladies Home Lastnight. However, I
must say I’m quite pleased with them. They appear to be normal except
for the fact that they enjoy the Steelers*.

*Plum Smugglers

In Other News:

– Yes, Nicholas Drills the Three With No Time Left

– Dammit Mizzou

– Mm, French Vanilla and Chocolate

– Economics is a Social Science? Haha, Apparently I’ve been a Liberal
Arts Major the Whole Time

– Seth, Nice Bumper Stickers

[Indy signals his intention to cut the rope bridge.] Willie Scott: Oh
my God. Oh my God, is he nuts? Short Round: He no nuts, he’s crazy!

– Temple of Doom

Today was very decent in terms of boredom level.

I found an old sock in my room that had blood all over
the toe, from Racquetball Injuries. HARDCORE!

Most of my free time was spent watching the Oscars in
a Social Setting, but that isn’t the Best Part.

I got bored after awhile and walked to 7-11 for my
coffee fix, and on the way I had to cross a mote with railroad tracks
in the middle. It was behind a gas station and everything. For awhile,
just a short while, I was living out my dream of being a vagrant with
no social ties and a drug dependency.  The 7-11 was empty and I
paid for my coffee with quarters.

I’ve definitely decided that some girls are really
cool, and that some of those are worth pursuing.

Also, Adrian Brody is my One Day Hero.

————————————————————————-

Some people are really affected in their lives by
certain people, events, and emotions – but I’ve noticed that those
same things never affect me.  It’s a different set of things that
really influence me.

Yeah, that sentence was crappy, and reading it back
makes me feel stupid.

Things That Affect Me Deeply:

– Changing your Mind at the Last Second

– Appreciating Things No One Else Sees, and things I
could never tell anyone

– James Coburn

– People who buy fruit Daily

– When a Girl Touches your face with one hand and
Looks at her other hand

– The sound when someone is walking on concrete across
a parking lot in warm weather

– Warm Wind in Tall Trees

– Peter O’Toole’s Blue Eyes

I Can’t Write Down more….

——————————————————————

In Other News:

– I Indirectly Got PJ in Trouble for Cookie Theft.
Sorry, You can punch me if you want.

– I’m going to move out of the US after College, if at
all possible

– The most interesting people walk around for the hell
of it

– Yes, we should fill the apartment with trampolines
to expedite travel within rooms

– Best. Churros. Ever.

T.E. Lawrence:
“So long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be
a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous, and cruel, as you
are.”

– Lawrence of Arabia

We have Group Meetings about how to have a group
meeting. How Ironic!

I just prepared a budget worksheet with 132 blanks

The best and funniest times are always between 7:00 PM
and 1:00 AM:

– The Koser Laugh made PJ turn so Red after he dropped
his notebook. He is the laughing stock of PC Dukes

– I dyed my Skull Red after a hand painting session.
The look was not so much “Red Skull” as it was “Massive Headwound.” I
do believe the Captain America Headband I was wearing at Dukes was the
final touch. (Headband was found at UREC, Probably Unwashed)

– We discussed the finer points of the Elbow and “Grundel”
relationship

– Steve and I had a chocolate egg fight, which
resulted in bruises to my back, and a headwound.

– I rode Riechers like a Horse! Who wants to ride the
Blowney Poney?

– Apparently, It’s not very gentlemanly to wait till
someone is looking the other way then jump on top of their car and try
to climb in through the sunroof. Jerry thought I was Batman.

——————————————————————–

“Well, you call those useless yerk-toting
frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys and you tell them you’re gonna be an
hour late.”

I tape recorded my recollections of two dreams I had this morning.

Dream one: I was in one of my friends houses and I got robbed by two
guys posing as mailmen. They tied me up with duct tape after my friend
left to go to some Music Festival.

Dream Two: I was in my room and woke up to SUPER LONG HAIR that was 6
inches longer than it had been the day before. I remember thinking,
“Damn! How did my hair grow that fast?”

I also dreamt that I was Han Solo in Star Wars, but that’s pretty
normal for me.

———————————————————–

Steve took the liberty of using pieces of masking tape with the word
“anus” printed on it to mislabel some of my DVD’s in a comical
fashion.

Ghostbusters = Anus Busters

Fight Club = Anus Club

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels = Dirty Rotten Anus

etc.

I must have a super low tolerance for sugar or something, here’s a
conversation I had with a waitress at Calhoun’s that I believe was the
result of sugar-induced Intoxication:

Waitress: “Would you like any dessert?”

Me: (Put arm around man next to me) “This guy…would like a Sloppy
Cream Sundae!”

Waitress: “We don’t have that.”

Alright, My site got moved across servers without notice, so I was
down for awhile. MySQL DB’s, Config.php, and Usernames are now burned
into my tortured soul.

Moving On……Right Now I am as Red as the “Red Skull” but with
significantly less evil. Sadly, My Team is losing.

Shortly Thereafter we Proceeded to Lakeside with Evan.

Apparently, the Red Skull brought us luck. At lakeside we won the
“Hourly” Drawing for March Madness and came into possession of much
junkfood, a T-Shirt, Gatorade, and assorted JMU branded merchandise.
FREE FOOD BABY!

Random Quote Time!

———————————————————————-

Today I was in Charlottesville where I did nothing, but the car ride
was worth it.

Yesterday, I sat through an entire class of COB 202 where the guy
sitting next to me smelled like Hot Dogs.

Me: “Does anyone smell hot dogs?”

Kevin: “I was grilling.”

Me: “You son of a bitch. Why must you taunt me?”

——

Tonight (10:00 ish, Lakeside)

Girls: (Giggling, then Stare at Me)

Me: “I am the Redskull!”

——

Calhoun’s

PJ: “Do you think they have pottery classes here?”

Me: “In Calhouns? No, I don’t believe so.”

——

Calhoun’s

Steve: “Have fun with Charlie Batch!”

—–

Charlottesville

Jerry: (Driving like a madman) “There’s gotta be a way out of here!”

Harv: “There’s a sidewalk. Lets Drive through there.”

———————————————————————–

Ok, enough quoting. Anyone who’s reading this: feel free to comment on
this story with hilarious quotes.

See it’s funny, because no one posts comments but e-dawg and myself.

In Other News:

– So little sleep, so much PHP

– Red Paint is burning my skull, but in a good way

– Crazy Wild Dreams must be a result of Business of late

No Middle Fingers! It’s Overdone. At least be creative.

I have to write down this dream because it was so weird:

I dreamt I had a Spiderman like ability to leap great distances and
land without breaking my shins like popsicle sticks.  I was in my
Old Elementary School and could run up and down the hallways about 45
times faster than anyone else, which meant I could outrun teachers.
Boo to the Yah.

That red face paint I had on last night seems to be spreading to other
parts of my body. I woke up and thought I kicked one of the nails in
my wall with my left thigh because there was some crazy drip of red
paint on my leg. Interestingly, there used to be a nail in the wall
right next to my bed which I ended up gouging myself on while
sleeping. I thought I was developing spot-bleeding and my bed looked
like I was using it for torture.  That explains all those dreams
about being stabbed to death by really flat, white, and concrete
criminals.

———————————————-

News for Nerds:

– Star Wars DVD’s = 16.4 Gigs – Now I have an excuse to buy a 
DVD Burner

This was the Prophet who Foresaw such Fortuitous Events.

———————————————-

In Other News:

– Luke Walton: I hate you.

– Kate and Clarissa are our pseudo Suitemates/Freeloaders

– Riechers Returns after Meth Binge in Fairfax

– IRS Refund = Computer Hardware

– I’m being invited to a Toga Party Right Now. What the Hell?

——————————————————————-

Random quote:

Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.

Homer: Ooo, that’s bad.

Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt!

Homer: That’s good!

Old man: The frozen yogurt is also cursed.

Homer: That’s bad.

Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!

Homer: That’s good!

Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate…

Homer: (confused look) Old man: That’s bad.

Homer: Can I go now?

This is the most tired I’ve ever been while writing.
I’ve had approximately 5 Hours of Sleep in 48 Hours, yet, I wouldn’t
trade this weekend for an autographed picture of Bruce Willis
himself.

First Off, Never Mix Medication with Caffeine. I
felt a little woozy in my Stat’s Class, but I resolved that by
vomiting relentlessly into a trashcan outside. Situation Resolved.