Cork on the Fork

Today Bev offered to buy me lunch based on my gaunt appearance and
seeming inability to consume enough food to support bodily function.
Man, I’m milking this all the way.� Free Meals? Mikes? Damn, the
catch-22 scenario.

Ok, Fast Forward to two weeks into summer, since that is the first
point where I have had enough time to write down anything I’ve been
meaning to.

The lake was fine – Dock is almost in, G-Rents are not
dead, Food was good, Golf Game is 100% better, but still quite
horrible.

Job.

My job has begun. The pay is good, but more importantly it provides
me access to forklifts and empty rooms filled with boxes. Between
shelf-ball (in which I am the grand slam champion), Texas Hold-Em, and
hour and a half lunches, and work with little to no adult supervision
I have almost no time left in my day. It seems like work just fills my
entire life at this point. It always funny to think that school is the
easiest part of my life while work is the long, dreary summer months.
Now you all know why I don’t particularly enjoy coming home when all I
have to look forward to is waking up at 6:15 every day.

The upside is the money.

Bling Bling $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I don’t really need and/or want anything but it’s nice to have the
change.

—————–

The weather in NOVA SUCKS. It’s been cloudy and rainy everyday. If
it weren’t for the fact that I work in an establishment with no
windows I would complain more.

Ok, everyone should go and rent Equilibrium. I wish I could
flat line it like that. Hey, I can, but with less killing efficiency.

——————

Don’t wet the bed on this couch situation Peej. No one wants to
lounge on a hard, shitty, floor.

I think we should keep to the darker colors – less stain
visibility.

I can’t believe I just put an entire album on my mp3 player,
especially a live one.

In Other News:

– So Cold here. Even Harrisonburg was warmer

– Adam is so weird

– Brad s going to kill Adam

– Anyone selling Airsoft?

– Nate almost died in a box avalanche

Been home for quite awhile now. Don’t start work till Monday. Best
days ever.

This is a Wednesday update, and I don’t forsee another until Sunday
Night (Best Case). I’m heading to upstate New York for a few days –
The G-Rents have a place on a lake and I figure I need to spend some
time with them. I’m probably going to have to put in the dock while
I’m there, so who needs UREC? Those dock sections weigh about 200 a
piece.

On the less labor oriented side – ITS A LAKE! I’m fishing and
Swimming and Sitting on the Porch like a pro lazy person. I estimate
that I can do that for at least 8 hours a day if I put my mind to it.

—–

Homefront:

– Ross to JMU

– Joanna (Sister) is the worst
driver ever.

Me: “Why is this plastic rail falling off the camry?
Did you hit a curb?”

Joanna: “It came outta nowhere.”

Me:
“Indeed.”

– There is so much food in my house! I swear to God, I
could live off what us in the downstairs freezer for the Summer if I
had to. The sad thing is that I refuse to consume any of it since it
would interfere to with my “fruits, crackers, and salad – plus candy”
diet. My mom bought me cookies shaped like Fish which I am saving for
a rainy day. The cookies have been mitigated to the “Hoarding” bag I
keep in my room which is now approaching 20 pounds. It’s chock full of
candy, cereal, chips, and snacks that I can’t really see myself
eating, but wouldn’t dare throw out or give away.

– T-800
Endoskeleton. Fedex Man – What a Job!

—–

In the morning I wake up and brew at least 3 cups of
coffee. One for now, one for later, and one for drinkin’ cold and
black – like oil. I’m trying to force acclimate to 6:30 AM wakeups –
you know, since JMU has eternally ruined my biological clock.

—–

OK, random nostalgic story. After I repaired my once defunct bicycle
to a fairly workable state I decided to take it for a test drive. The
Jumps. What are the jumps you ask? Basically, they are a series of mud
hills deep within one of the last remaining woods in my area that used
to be home to some of the coolest bike related injuries ever. I
remember throwing myself over the handlebars and gladly smiling my
bloody grin through the pain. Ahh, childhood. In any case, I decided
to go back there.

It was just like a Jungle Movie – Vines had
overgrown the path, trees had collapsed across the narrow route
through the woods, and the only tracks I saw were from Dog and/or
Dog-Like creatures. Now that I think about it, I should wash my legs
because there was poison ivy all over the place. Out, Out –
Damn………..Dermal Irritant!

Once I made my way through the pseudo-jungle I was surprised to
find my destination relatively intact, although it had fallen into
disrepair. The ramps and jumps were more like dirt piles and mud
puddles, but they were more or less there. I rode down a few to see If
I could recapture any sort of feeling. A little.

The worst part was
that some developer had purchased much of the nearby land, and had
cleared it of all trees, shrubs, and features. I took my bike that
direction and proceeded to inspect the construction zone. As usual,
the workers had left their machines there so I proceeded to climb into
each one hoping their would be keys. Alas, some smart bastard had
removed the keys in order to stop curious vagrants like me from
plowing into the woods in a 7 ton vehicle. I did steal a cool looking
helmet though. Booyah.

I had to ride home the long way – because I
had come up a big muddy hill on the way and feared for the safety of
my skull if I had to ride down it. Kinda symbolic right? I moved on
instead of going back. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

I am writing this on a much more ghetto pc than I am used to, so bear with the relative lack of pictures and coolness.

Heres the story – I am on a 56k. Now, that is an absolute killer to any kind of internet related activity except for text e-mail download and microsoft hearts, however, I will attempt to keep this site pseudo current over the summer which means you can check back occasionally for my random jibberish.

I may or may not “go places” and “do things” worthy of writing about, but hey, that never stopped the articles before. Sometime this week I will update with an article. A VERY FUNNY ARTICLE BECAUSE NOW I HAVE ALL THIS TIME ALONE IN A HOUSE OR AT WORK TO THINK ABOUT FUNNY THINGS.

Funny Thoughts

1) Church Sucks. My parents drag me to Church even though I CLEARLY BELIEVE IN NO GOD. Today’s hilarity was this…
(Some guy (church leader) is giving some graduating senior acolyte (jesus suck up) a silver cross)
…
Leader Guy: “We present you with this silver cross for your hard work.”
Me: “You should melt that down into a bullet and just end my life now.” (Id been sitting in church for 1:30 Hours)
Brother: “WAHAHAHAHAHHAHA” (Outloud)
Dad: “ROSS!”

2) I mow the lawn at a jog. Cool.

3) I climb onto our roof to help my brother clean a window – then try to climb down.

Dad: “Paul, don’t go on the roof in the rain.”
Me: “Alright.”

I bet you’ve never been on your roof during a thunderstorm climbing an aluminum ladder.

Alright, i gots to think some more.

I’ll update with pics and stuff next time.

Today, my friends, Is a Great Day.

I woke up at 10:30 –

Sold back two (of four) books for $85 – which is decent considering
that’s almost half.

Stole a pound of candy from the bookstore “complimentary” candy
bins.

Used some of the book money to purchase some new Mesh Shorts. I
can’t express how happy I am that JMU now provides non-gay (not yellow
or purple) clothing selections.

Bought Banana Pudding.

Had the best lunch in weeks with much hilarity.

Worked so hard at UREC that I feel sore all over. Man, I love that
feeling.

…..and I still have half the day left.

——-

Have I mentioned that my schooling years are almost over? Only Two
are left. Now, let me count

Preschool (Annandale United Methodist, 2 Years)

Kindergarten (Parklawn, 1 Year)

Elementary (Parklawn, 5 Years)

Elementary (Mantua, 1 Year)

Middle (Frost, 2 Years)

Highschool (Woodson, 4 Years)

JMU (2 Years)

…….17 Years! Holy Shnikes. I’ve been in school for a long time.

I’m gonna be sad to see it go, but on the plus side – I’ll never
have to smell that crappy macaroni again.

—–

I had the best dream ever last night. It involved me finding out
there were 85 people living in my attic one day, then evicting them
onto the street like bums. The best part was that I totally looted
their former abode once they were gone – and found a crap load of food
and a Desert Eagle with a Shoulder Holster.  When they tried to
come back I threatened to blow them away so they left. I would be the
best landlord ever. I definetely remember finding a big piece of cake.

—–

In Other News:

– Cinnamon Roll Oatmeal = Summer Rations

– Blue Shorts

– Hurry up and finish exams, biatches

– Home Friday, Work Monday. I hate that part of Summer, but I like
the money.

– Sentimental Value, Bitch! 

You know you can’t just run and shoot people in
the knee-caps with double barreled shotgun ’cause you’re pissed at
them.