Cork on the Fork

Short Update: Random Good Quotes  (Credit to Brother)

I’m not a robot like you. I don’t like having disks crammed into
me… unless they’re Oreos, and then only in the mouth.

You’re out drinking for the first time with your best friend. You
get back into the car, and realize that you’re a little tipsy but you
don’t think you’re too drunk to drive. On the way home, you swerve a
little bit, but since the roads are empty you don’t pay any heed. As
you turn onto your street, a woman and a dog dart into the road. You
try to avoid them but end up hitting them both and crashing your car,
sending your best friend flying through the windshield. You are
unharmed, but as you crawl out of the wreckage you see that the woman
and the dog are both dead… and that the woman was your girlfriend
and the dog was your dog. There’s nothing more you can do for them, so
you rush to your best friend’s side. He’s mortally injured and he asks
you to come closer. You take him in your arms and his blood flows all
over you. In his final breath he tells you that he has AIDS and now
you do too. Boondock Saints is worse.

PERSON: “It is my opinion that NAFTA is helping revitalize Mexico
and Mexico City, and has no negative aspects.”

CORRECT RESPONSE: “You are a Mexican puppet, dancing under command
from the Mexican government, in a disco hall full of your own rancid
vomit.”

EVEN BETTER RESPONSE: “There is no Mexico, only Allah.”

My Status:

Tired. Working. No Sunlight. Only Fluorescent.  Water In a
Can. Rain. The only joy in my life right now is poking fun at
Coworkers. And Sitting Quietly staring out the Bay Doors into the
Rain. I feel like I’m on the border between ‘Nam and Cambodia.

What I had Written on my Arm Today:

Sparta – Ribbon

When I Touch a Slug It Dies – Brad, In regard to how Salty his
hands are.

—–

I’ve become a master of pseudo-rush hour traffic (3:30 in Fairfax
County)

Annandale, VA or “Koreatown” as my parents so kindly put it
(because of the large Korean Population) is a teaming wasteland of
people colliding from Springfield (Backlick Road), the Beltway, and
Fairfax (Little River Turnpike) like so many retarded, blind elves
bent upon getting home by Dinner. Although many have fallen in this
battle, I have come out unscathed time after time. The “White Dragon”
(98 Grand Caravan) has taken me through some rough times, and I
appreciate it greatly. None of this would be possible without you, my
dear Steel Chassied Friend.

The only reason that I report any of this is to gloat over all you
sons of bitches who live in the woods. No wait, I don’t mean “gloat”,
I mean lament over how much time I waste in crappy, crappy traffic,
and exactly how much I resent the fact that Fairfax County refuses to
stop building new homes in an a County that should have been limited
to half its population.

By The Way, I’m bitter also because I still haven’t been paid for
my summer job. I’m in week 4 now and planning on a paycheck before
August. This god damn “Bi-Weekly Pay Period” and “2 Week Latency”
Payroll Terminology stuff should be called “Screw You” and “Were Never
Gonna Pay You Because Youre Just a Cheap Negro Slave To Us” instead.

Venting, Just Venting.

———–

This Week has Been Good.

I drive around listening to pinging noises now and then sit in
parking lots for the hell of it. I used to think I was weird, but I
now Know I’m weird because the first thing I did yesterday after I got
home from work was switch cars, put a Rice Cake in my Pocket, and
Drive to A Turkish Grocery Store to buy Strange foreign candy bars
that I knew I wouldn’t be eating.

I felt a wave of Irony come over me today when I stepped through
the door, after a long day of warehouse work. Keep in mind my Dad
stayed home all this day.

Me: “I feel great.”

Dad: “My back hurts.”

Me: “You can’t say that, I’m the one who just got off from 8 hours
of box duty.”

Dad: “Go mow the lawn.”

Me: “How Ironic.”

– You All Probably Don’t Think That is Funny. Ah, but the Fun.

—-

I swear to God, If I don’t get to see some Band of Brothers this
Weekend I’m going shoot myself from lack of entertainment. It’s been a
month since I was thoroughly entertained, except for last weekend,
which was mostly just filler. No offense, but I need structure for
entertainment. Oh, and Less Gay. Definetely less Gay. I’m not saying
there is anything wrong with Gay, it was just all over the place and
It was wearing on me like a sustained VC attack on a battalion of
Heavily Armed Marines.

Military Analogy – YOU SEE? YOU SEE?

—

I keep wanting to post pictures on this site to liven things up,
but I don’t have any acceptable for posting. I don’t take my camera
anywhere Good. Damn You Spider Sense.

—-