Cork on the Fork

A Salute to Mario Batali, Patrick Norton, and Kevin
Rose

The Three Greatest Men Alive in Our
Times

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Some might ask: “What kind of scary man would dedicate an entire
update to these three amigos?”

That same person would then respond with: “A sick, sick,
sonuvabitch” Which is probably true.

But I would then respond with: “Who else could teach me the art of
Italian Cooking while still maintaining a strange red beard?” or “Yes,
a man can be knowledgeable about computers and still wear a kilt.”

—

Mario Batali

Pros:

– Cooks Excellent Italian Food

– Can talk really fast

– Is pleasantly plump

Cons:

– Wears shorts on TV to show off his pale Italian legs. (Shudder).
The only thing greasier is a grease farmer*

* – Assuming Grease Farmers Exist

Kevin Rose

Pros:

– Knows Computers

– Makes low brow jokes about others on air

– Has no facial hair (Like a Baby! Awwwwwwwwww)*

* – Assuming babies Exist

Cons:

– Has to work with Jessica Corben (bet)

– May or May not be really, really, gay

Patrick Norton

Pros:

– Drinks Dr. Pepper by the Gross

– Abuses Computers (with a sledgehammer)

– Not afraid to wear a kilt

Cons:

– Not afraid to wear a kilt

– Hair loss

———

Alright, I urge you all to learn more about these forces of
Excellence in Modern Society.

——–

Gordon Gekko: The richest one percent of this
country owns half our country’s wealth, five trillion dollars. One
third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance,
interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I
do, stock and real estate speculation. It’s bullshit. You got ninety
percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth.
I create nothing. I own.

Steve ruined our nice clean carpet…..

At least, that’s how it looked to me.

As Steve himself put it: “15 beers in an hour is my
limit.”

To that I say: “Yes Steve, Yes. It. Is.”

——————–

Day Summary

– Getting the Gear is fun, but don’t enroll in MSCI
100 if you don’t like sweating.

– The Screensavers is the best show on TV.

– I saw a guy pass a Cocaine filled condom out of the
drive thru at Taco Bell. Cool.

– Animal Crackers are the best cookie in the world.

—————–

Why not something from LOTR:

There is nothing interesting here except the word
“Trees” on his hand. Only Merry could pull that off.

To sum up the first few days in the apartment:

Just as much confusion.

————————————————-

The whole time I’ve been here (2 days) in Olde Mill
(27I) has been very, very strange. Keep in mind nothing remarkable has
happened, it just feels different than home or school.
I keep smelling a mixture of coffee and cleaning fluid that
reminds me of being on vacation. Also, I keep having Deja Vu that
makes me feel like my Parents: Putting Groceries in a Station Wagon,
Washing Dishes, Watching the Food Network etc. Man, I feel like a 40
Year Old, BUT IN A GOOD WAY.

————–

I’m going to Update the Image Galleries soon with
summer related pictures – keep your eyes open.

————–

Alright, I can update this site much more frequently
now, so lets get it started off right —-

My Normal Movie Quote and Image:

DuPont:
And you, Preston, the supposed savior of the resistance are now its
destroyer  and along with them, you’ve given me yourself…
calmly… coolly… Entirely without incident.

John Preston:
No…
[Polygraph goes dead]

Technician: Oh… Shit!

John Preston:
Not with out incident.

Indeed.

When I was little there used to be a homeless guy on a corner
near my house. He would beg for money all day, but his most
wonderful characterisitic was his total lack of arms. He had
nothing past the elbow. We used to call him “stubby”
for that reason.

In all fairness, I think he ruined the begging for everyone else.
I mean, who’s gonna give change to a guy with a grizzled beard
and jeans when they just passed a guy who didnt have any arms?

I really felt sorry for that guy. They did a story on him in the
paper once – I think he could type with little pencil things
strapped to his stubs.

————–

“I can’t stand light. I hate weather. My idea of heaven is
moving from one smoke-filled room to another.”

– Peter O’Toole

————–

The evil beard has come along nicely.