kEV
A Salute to Mario Batali, Patrick Norton, and Kevin
Rose
The Three Greatest Men Alive in Our
Times
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Kevin Rose����������������������������������������������������
Pat Norton (In Kilt)
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Mario Batali
Some might ask: “What kind of scary man would dedicate an entire
update to these three amigos?”
That same person would then respond with: “A sick, sick,
sonuvabitch” Which is probably true.
But I would then respond with: “Who else could teach me the art of
Italian Cooking while still maintaining a strange red beard?” or “Yes,
a man can be knowledgeable about computers and still wear a kilt.”
—
Mario Batali
Pros:
– Cooks Excellent Italian Food
– Can talk really fast
– Is pleasantly plump
Cons:
– Wears shorts on TV to show off his pale Italian legs. (Shudder).
The only thing greasier is a grease farmer*
* – Assuming Grease Farmers Exist
Kevin Rose
Pros:
– Knows Computers
– Makes low brow jokes about others on air
– Has no facial hair (Like a Baby! Awwwwwwwwww)*
* – Assuming babies Exist
Cons:
– Has to work with Jessica Corben (bet)
– May or May not be really, really, gay
Patrick Norton
Pros:
– Drinks Dr. Pepper by the Gross
– Abuses Computers (with a sledgehammer)
– Not afraid to wear a kilt
Cons:
– Not afraid to wear a kilt
– Hair loss
———
Alright, I urge you all to learn more about these forces of
Excellence in Modern Society.
——–
Gordon Gekko: The richest one percent of this
country owns half our country’s wealth, five trillion dollars. One
third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance,
interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I
do, stock and real estate speculation. It’s bullshit. You got ninety
percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth.
I create nothing. I own.