Cork on the Fork

Those dutchbags down at the Gen Ed Office (Retard Development Center) have screwed me again. In an alarming turn of events they have decided not to offer me credit for PHYS 221, only for PHYS 220 – which, conveniently, is not available unless you are willing to whore yourself out to whichever academic wizard controls class scheduling here. Probably the same guy that’s responsible for the disappearance of the beloved Tan M&M. But that is a story for another time.

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The only class I like so far is the one about Russia – what is my affinity for Collapsed Fascist and Socialist States? I think its the uniforms.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that my aquarium is leaking, but so slowly that I cannot pinpoint the leak without holding it up and shaking the tank like so many naughty infants. Screw it, I want one of those Hexagon tanks anyway, so I can pursue geometric perfection in the Sea, as well as on land.

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Enjoy this comical image of Billy Mack – my new favorite rock star (I don’t recall having one before, but If I did – it was not Justin Timberlake.)

Mikey, DJ interviewer: What’s the best shag you’ve ever had?
Billy Mack: Britney Spears. No, only kidding, she was rubbish.

Back to School on SUNDAY

…

Damn, that month went by quick. Top Time Consumers:

– The Warehouse

– Traffic to the Warehouse

– KOTOR (If you know what that stands for, god help you – since you probably haven’t been able to get up from a a chair long enough to reach a device capable of satisfying any of your bodily needs, fridges, toilets, and sinks included

– Vacations (And by “Vacations”  I mean “Vomit Excursions”)

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Only 5 days till I’m entirely legal. What am I going to do you ask? That, I cannot say  – since I rarely plan more than a day ahead. However, it does not involve a lightsaber, or does it?

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If anyone I know reads this – send cash. 

So on the way up to New York (A funtastic 7 Hour Ride) my Brother threw up all over the car, me, the magazine I was reading, and himself. Luckily, I never take off my blue jacket, so I could just wipe it off of the smooth weathwerproof surface.

That should teach everyone not to drive anywhere new years morning.

—

I had a dream about something that happened two years ago. –

The one girl I actually had a desire to date told me she had a boyfriend on the day I was going to ask her out.

It was quite a shock – I remember just going out to my car and sitting there for like half an hour. Just staring out the windshield. You win some, you lose some.

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Evans and Grubbsy invited me out to a party. I went, but the best part was grubb falling down two flights of stairs, followed by Evans slurching Andre. I mostly shivered and talked about how much i disliked card games, but would enjoy going to 7-11.

The beauty of working in an empty warehouse with only two other poor souls is this: You develop an affinity for strange country sayings like, “that’s as much fun as a marshmallow full of fishhooks!” and you also get to do a lot of thinking in the best kind of environment, i.e. the cold and lonely spaces only a fluorescent-lit, concrete-floored catacombs can provide. Like Thoreau, but with more concrete than pond water. But the level of civilization is similar.

Today is December 31, 2003. Christmas is over.

Prized Possessions

1) VU Meter

2) Cold Cathode PC Light, which I’m sure I got just to be a huge nerd.

3) Slippers, finally I have warm feet.

4) and last but not least – Pirated Video Games.

Bowling for Columbine was agood DVD buy from my Dad. It looks good on a shelf, but I’m not sure I agree with Michael Moore – sincwe most of his arguments were directionless and easily countered, but I did agree with the part about Negroes and Killer Bees.

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I should get a paycheck soon. To better fund my extravagant lifestyle. What, with all the DVC and Reduced Price Christmas Candy.

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I should mention that Paul Hetmanek has absolutely NO intention of murdering his family with a shoddily installed gas fireplace.

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Navy Seal: “Okay? Relax now, Bud.Just relax.”
Lindsey: “Bud. Watch me.Relax.now, Bud. Relax.. It’s okay.Okay? Watch me. Watch me.
Navy Seal: “Don’t hold your breath. Take it in. Just let yourself take it in. Take it in. That’s it.”
Cat: “Oh, man.”
Navy Seal: “Don’t hold your breath. Take it in. There you go. Don’t hold your breath.”
(Bud takes a shallow breath of the oxygenated liquid)….

(Bud starts to seize, convusle, panic)
All: “This is not normal!”- [ All Shouting ]
Navy Seal: “This is normal. It’ll pass in a second. It’s Perfectly normal. It’s perfectly normal.
We all breathed liquid for nine months, Bud. Your body will remember.”

Lindsey Brigman: Bud, how much oxygen you’ve left?
Virgil “Bud” Brigman: “About 5 minutes”
Lindsey Brigman: Bud, if you drop all your ballast you can still make it!..
Virgil “Bud” Brigman: Gonna stay for a while… I knew this was a one-way trip.