Cork on the Fork

I decided to give up meat roughly a year ago, so McDonalds actually became a coffee place for me around the same time. I’m convinced their Mochas (Coffee with Sugar and more Sugar) are actually better than Starbucks. Another newsflash: Three bucks is cheaper than four. Today I will branch out and describe the McCafe Caramel Frappe, which I partook of roughly three hours ago.

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Its served in the same clear, highly unrecyclable, domed packaging as their other iced drinks. It looks like a coffee slurpee. Because it has a 1/4 can of Reddi-Whip on top, America will love it. However, The major failure of this coffee-themed drink is the standard McDonalds straw. Its high-flow passage allows an overpoweringly strong blast of this beverage into your mouth aperture. Like a firehose of Gutter-Water.

The main ingredient here is Ice (water, for you retards sounding this out) so you’d think this might be rather subtle in flavor compared to something like mayonnaise or ground trout. You would be wrong. Keep in mind, I have consumed an entire bag of Charms Blo-Pops in a six hour period and felt fine afterwards. I actually do this routinely. The first mouthful (heehee, gay) actually caused me to stumble noticeably as I turned to leave the counter, and it then took me another 2-3 seconds to regain consciousness from an assumed minor blackout. I actually stopped, held the thing up to my eye, and scanned it to make sure I didn’t pick up a canister of acetone.

I estimate my intake at this point to 5-7 tablespoons.

I was overcome with a sugar-induced euphoria upon stepping into my car, and briefly considered joining the Marine Corps and Tea-Party. Three minutes later I had consumed roughly a third of the beverage, and realized I had gotten more than what I signed up for. The eerie chemical formulation of the Caramel flavor stuck in my mouth like the odor of a discovered corpse might linger in the nose of a Police Detective working his last case before retirement. Depending on where you have been on the internet, this may be a pro or con.

When I pulled into my parking spot, I had difficulty recalling where I had just been or how I had gotten to my building at all. The color green seemed warmer and yellower than normal when the elevator light illuminated. I swigged another 4-5 tablespoons and opened the door to my apartment, placing the beverage on the counter as I passed. I decided I wouldn’t finish it because I had work tomorrow. Have to be sharp.

I took this picture as I was coming down from the high – and it illustrates how far I had gotten before I turned back for civilization.

I have never injected Heroin (Why did I specify?) or brutally shot a man in the face at point blank range, but I imagine that feeling would be similar to a McDonalds McCafe Frappe. The initial rush is like receiving a lifesaving blood transfusion from Eva Green after a failed motorcycle jump of the Grand Canyon with Sweet Child o’ Mine by GNR playing. Also, she loves you and always did. The inevitable come-down is like having Eva tell you she was HIV positive and has male genitalia.

I recommend you try it, but not if you have little kids around or need to operate machinery.

Dressed in an immaculate uniform, Lee waited for Grant to arrive.

Grant, whose headache had ended when he received Lee’s note, arrived in a mud-spattered uniform—a government-issue flannel shirt with trousers tucked into muddy boots, no sidearms, and with only his tarnished shoulder straps showing his rank.

It was the first time the two men had seen each other face-to-face in almost two decades.

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U.S. Grant offered generous terms to the Army of Northern Virginia.

Officers were allowed to keep their sidearms. Those who owned their horses, were allowed to keep them. No soldier would be held or prosecuted for treason.

Grant asked his counterpart what number he had remaining in his army and R.E. Lee replied that he couldn’t provide one, but that they were hungry. Grant dispatched 25,000 rations from a train heading West.

In April 1864, Chamberlain returned to the Army of the Potomac and was promoted to brigade commander shortly before the Siege of Petersburg. There, in a major action on June 18, at Rives’ Salient, Chamberlain was shot through the right hip and groin. Despite the injury, Chamberlain withdrew his sword and stuck it into the ground in order to keep himself upright to dissuade the growing resolve for retreat. He stood upright for several minutes until he collapsed and lay unconscious from loss of blood.

The wound was considered mortal by the division’s surgeon, who predicted he would perish; Chamberlain’s incorrectly recorded death in battle was reported in the Maine newspapers, and Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant gave Chamberlain a battlefield promotion to brigadier general after receiving an urgent recommendation on June 19 from corps commander Maj. Gen. Gouverneur K. Warren: “He has been recommended for promotion for gallant and efficient conduct on previous occasion and yesterday led his brigade against the enemy under most destructive fire. He expresses the wish that he may receive the recognition of his services by promotion before he dies for the gratification of his family and friends.”[3] Not expected to live, Chamberlain displayed surprising will and courage, and with the support of his brother Tom, was back in command by November. Although many, including his wife Fanny, urged Chamberlain to resign, he was determined to serve through the end of the war.

In early 1865, Chamberlain was given command of the 1st Brigade of the 1st Division of V Corps, and he continued to act with courage and resolve. On March 29, 1865, his brigade participated in a major skirmish on the Quaker Road during Grant’s final advance that would finish the war. Despite losses, another wound (in the left arm and chest), and nearly being captured, Chamberlain was successful and brevetted to the rank of major general by President Abraham Lincoln.

In all, Chamberlain served in 20 battles and numerous skirmishes, was cited for bravery four times, had six horses shot from under him, and was wounded six times.

— Wikipedia

Ken Burns is a god. I saw his Civil War Documentary when it first aired on PBS in 1990 as a seven year old, and it hasn’t lost a lick of its appeal to me 2 decades later.

Also, Shelby Foote is my new favorite writerhistorian.

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The moustache is coming along most adequately.

I just uploaded this to test some iMovie stuff – its dual purposes were to introduce me to apple software and to educate individuals on the art of buying groceries while being male and in your 20’s.

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On the morning of July 22nd, 1862, the president called a Cabinet meeting. What he said took everyone by surprise. After long thought, he told them, he had decided to emancipate the slaves.

William Safire, Journalist

“It was a stunning moment. It was against everything Lincoln had promised ah, to all the Republicans and, and indeed the country, that he would not become an abolitionist. He would not strike at slavery where it existed. And here suddenly, he was changing the character of the war.”

I blame solidinternet australia for the loss of two years of data. However, Im pretty sure that was roughly 11 posts. There will be no seppuku.

Enjoy this Joe South video that reflects my thoughts on DNS Servers, Web Hosting in Foreign Countries, and sql databases.