Cork on the Fork

I'm a gigantic Frontline Nerd.  The PBS Show  mixed their Drama-Documentary style with a Man v. Nature theme for their 2008 Everest piece that nobody seems to have heard of: Storm Over Everest

For those that don't follow mountain climbing stories in the AP, the program recounts the most famous ascent after Edmund Hillary did it first back in 1953.  The difference here was that the '96 treks became famous for becoming the world's worst climbing disaster after a freak storm hit the mountain as numerous groups descended.  Climatologists frequently cite the low-oxygen environment as the most serious obstacle facing human beings on the mountain – the normal figure is 1/3 the regular, sea level amount of oxygen saturation at 25,000 feet. This specific storm apparently siphoned another 14% of the oxygen from the already thin atmosphere due to the extreme low pressure of the weather system.  Category 5 hurricane winds, temperatures routinely dipping below -50 F, and zero visibility conditions sound like weather statistics until you're huddled into a mass on the Hillary Step trying to figure out how not to die.  There's no "I cut the rope" moment in this as there was in the more heralded Touching the Void – it just steadily  becomes a nightmare for those clinging to the side of a big, cold rock.

The most famous casualty of the expedition was Rob Hall, who radioed his wife from the mountain to tell her he was going to be fine after remaining behind to rescue another climber.  His colleagues believe he knew he wasn't going to make it down, but wanted to speak to her one last time.

Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I have the deepest respect and the greatest admiration for semi-professional actress and professional model Kelly Brook. Her work has delighted me for years and has led me to fully appreciate both the marketing strategies of the Reebok Corporation…

as well as the cinematic prowess and visionary directorship of the juggernaut Piranha film series……

Anyway, this should illustrate why the news of a 9/2010 Playboy feature of Kelly made my eyes water with the kind of joy Michelangelo must have experienced  as he gazed upon his semi-nude biblical characters etched on a famous  Italian ceiling.  I needed to obtain this gentleman's literature, and I needed to obtain it on August the 13th in the year of our lord 2010.

I don't have a subscription, and haven't since I lived off-campus at JMU 5 years ago.  Even then, it was a crapshoot whether or not you'd actually see the thing given that 20-25 young men had access to that apartment and that you'd be testing your resistance to herpes merely touching the cover of the magazine and eating a sandwich on the same day.  I would so have to, unfortunately, physically tender cash in exchange for goods at a retail establishment.

Since about 7 days after the DoD created the internet, retail naked-lady (and man) publications have been on the decline.  Those without internet access have been relegated to the concentration camps of their local Borders (?), 7-11, and privately owned newsstands for their adult nature literature.  I don't know this because I'm a frequent-flier or anything, but I can't help but notice that somebody is buying those plastic-wrapped articles behind the counter and that Mr. Hefner is still a very wealthy man.  Hugh donated $900,000 to save the Hollywood sign from imminent condo development, so for chrissakes sympathize with the  cause.  Library of Congress, here he comes.

Buying magazines with women on the cover is tricky whether they're artistic, fashion-oriented (if your a dude, you're gay!), or adult-oriented.  Pray for a 40 year old hells angel at the register and no one behind you in line.  Shoot yourself in the face if you're at Toy's 'r Us or Panera, because you fucked up and did it wrong.  This is my short story. (continued shortly)