Cork on the Fork

My Mother and Brother Breezed Through Town on Friday, but they
stayed long enough to buy me some food, which is always well received.
Hey, maybe I’m not going to eat it, but it smelled amazing.

Highlights from a fairly busy weekend:

– Jello, Jello, Jello.
Remember Jello 1-2-3? I think they stopped making it.

– The
Monkey/Broom Dance as Performed by a tall lanky man who was named
either Bill or Will

– The Idea’s for ‘Whos the Jew?” Card Game and
the “Guess Jew?” Board Game

– Pictures of Riechy holding the Cadbury
Bunny – Very Strange Indeed. Was that real?

– Falling asleep in the
sun

– Spontaneous Ear-Bleeding. I don’t know what happened to it, it
was just bleeding. I’m sure I stabbed myself with something, I just
don’t know what. However, the amount of blood leeching to the surface
was astounding. I was simply amazed.

——————————

You haven’t really lived until you’ve dedicated an hour of your time
to worrying about what happened to a ham sandwich that you left on top
of a vending machine. Thank God, the sweet lord Jesus saved my
precious meal, and I was given the chance to enjoy a
coffee-machine-heated pre-packaged morsel of pork based product.

�—-

In Other News:

– Only a few weeks of school left. No
summer classes. Only summer work, which will provide me with much
Cash. The cash will be my key. Key to a world filled with
money. I don’t need money, but I can’t stay at home all day, and I
don’t drink enough to stay drunk all day like some of you
slackers are going to because you can’t find jobs.

– My legs are
burning with the fire of one sun. Exactly one.

Random Quote of a
Movie I Saw this Weekend:

Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto:
I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him
with a terrible resolve.

– Tora, Tora, Tora

Random Scary Picture:

�

I can’t say I’ve ever fallen asleep sitting up in a
chair before, well, at least not outside of school. However, this
morning I awoke to find myself lounging, in my chair, surrounded by a
pile of the marshmallows from Lucky Charms Cereal. The marshmallows,
Just the marshmallows. What happened to the other half of the Cereal?
Why were the marshmallows left behind? What The Hell is that
Leprechaun Up to?

—————–

I truly meant to say what I did last
night to Jen and Marisa. (sp?)� Yours are very nice indeed.

—

In Other News:

– Pink Polo Shirt

– Gas Station Attendant named “Gus”

– I honestly
believe “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake is a great song. Not
because Justin Timberlake is any good, but because that video has the
coolest stage I’ve ever seen. I mean, there are about 45,000 colored
light bulbs flashing to some crazy beat. How isn’t that cool? Plus, it
could give people seizures.

“I adimantly believe you
shouldn’t rape your girlfriend.”

– Ah, words of
wisdom

�

People who just up and decide that they want to help somebody else
have always puzzled me. To sum it up, read this quote:

“It just took
a little longer to raise the money. That’s all.”

“You had to raise
the money?”

“Well, the cash prize wasn’t quite enough, so I had my
Father sell off the car, and the furniture, and all the jewelry.”

“What cash prize?”

“The prize from the contest. You know, I was
selected as the United States Soap Queen. That’s why I’m on this all
expense paid trip to Europe.”

“Your father doesn’t own the United
States Soap company?”

“No.(Giggles) No, I just use their laundry
detergent. You see, I entered their contest and then I won.”

“You
barely know Freddie, but you’d sell everything you own for him?”

“Well, it’s not everything. I’m keeping the mink. Is that wrong?
Besides, knowing I helped a man like Freddie be able to live his life
again is worth more to me than the car, or the furniture, or all the
jewelry. I really couldn’t ask for a better prize than that.”

“…..”

“I never knew that people like you existed. You are
generous, sincere. You are wonderful.”

—

Yeah, Insight into my
inner workings  Janet was the perfect woman.

————————————-

In Other News:

– Wal-Mart
bag Cereal is alright by me.

– Two of my suitemates are bitching at
each other, but its all in good fun to watch them go at it.

– I want
to visit a foreign country. I’m sick of the US.

– The coffee machine
redeemed itself today.

Colonel von
Waldheim: “Labiche! Here’s your prize, Labiche. Some of the
greatest paintings in the world. Does it please you, Labiche? Give you
a sense of excitement in just being near them? A painting means as
much to you as a string of pearls to an ape. You won by sheer luck:
you stopped me without knowing what you were doing, or why. You are
nothing, Labiche — a lump of flesh. The paintings are mine; they
always will be; beauty belongs to the man who can appreciate it! They
will always belong to me or to a man like me. Now, this minute, you
couldn’t tell me why you did what you did.”

Ask me about the
film this is from sometime. No one’s seen it, but it’s a classic.
Black and White, Old School. War, Art, and Love.

I recorded a note to myself this morning after listening to a
Gustav Holst Symphony. Apparently I had a “moment” while I was staring
at the sky. This happens to me an awful lot because sometimes I just
like to stare at people, things, and absolutely nothing. Frankly, I
find it calming, Others find it creepy.

Some of my classes are honestly beginning to worry me. I was
interested in something my professor was teaching and I asked a
question because I was “concerned” about something in the equation he
was putting up. I’ve become everything I hate in life. I have become
that guy who points out that his “T”‘s look like “+” signs, and that
he accidentally rounded 4.4446 to 4.45. I’m thinking I should drink
less coffee, or conversely, drink more Nyquil�.

—-

On my
way through Dukes today I spilled approximately 8 ounces of boiling
spiced cider onto my leg, but all I could say to the guy next to me
was, “Eh, I don’t like these pants anyway.” I’m always the quick
thinker. The downside is that spiced cider is sticky, and it has
turned my once nearly-comfortable jeans into highly starched slacks.
Once when I was a kid I was bugging my mom and she inadvertently
spilled boiling coffee onto my leg, which upon treatment left me with
a wondrous scar. Maybe it wasn’t inadvertent now that I look back on
it.  (Tears)

Oh, by the way, No scar this time. Damn. Actually,
I’m looking for a stab wound and I think I know a girl who I could
aggravate enough to stab me. What a story I could tell to my
Grandkids*.

* – Random Children…because I wont have grandkids.
Piow.

In Other News:

– Jerry has a website.
So, to thank him for his support of my Website I will link to his:

J-Dawg

– Searching for Guns on the
Internet is the scariest thing you can do

– I honestly considered
purchasing a cape today. I mean, what isn’t cool about a cape? Well, I
guess the beatings would be kind of uncool.

– I fell to my
knees stricken this AM in Zane Showker hall because the coffee machine
didn’t give me a cup and I was forced to watch the precious liquid
seep into the bowels of that machine, like so much priceless parchment
into a fire. I considered sticking my head into the dispenser area to
see if I could catch any.

– Jerry Didn’t post any
pictures of his swollen eye. Bastard.

—

Jerry: “Do I look alright?”

Myself: “You look like the
Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

Jerry: “Thanks, Paul.”

Myself: “No problem, I’m here
everyday.”

What the Hell am I thinking? Did I just spend an hour in a suite full
of girls? I must be losing my edge.

What the hell am I thinking? Marc Sommers? Double Dare? Anyone?

Am I trying to pull off the Dress Shirt and Jeans? It’s impossible
unless you host a show involving mass quantities of slime.

That bottle in the front is some of that god damned vampire juice.
It’s Everywhere!

————————————-

Christina: “So back to the TPS report….”

Paul: (Sarcastically) “I’m listening to what you’re saying.”

Jon: “I think the cover is too bland.”

Paul: “This meeting has been productive.”

I definetely need a hard copy of that one.

Sometimes I enjoy presentations, especially when I’m done with mine.
Good Job Christina, Jon, and Matt.

—

In Other News:

– Uh oh, fish water

– Rocking the blue dress shirt

– Titanium, Gold Plated, and Capable of Killing someone? Who needs one
of those?

– Did you know chicken soup is available here?

– Holt SHIT! SOUP!

– What if he accidentally stepped on the babies head because he forgot
it was on the floor. Crunch.

I remember how I seemed to float, then, down the melancholy glory
of that track upon the sea, away into the world of dreams.

The Gods of Class Registration Smile Softly, with the words, “Sleep,
young one. Sleep.”

I wish I could remember to carry my tape recorder to certain events.
Ah, the quotes I could retain. Honestly, the things people say that
mean so little to themselves can mean so much to someone
else.

Less than a day till the first of my major projects come due, and then
its all downhill until it starts uphill again. Eh, no one likes a
smooth ride.

—————————————

Today I was amazed at how Interesting Queuing seemed. Then 
realized it was because my teacher is insane, and I was just
interested in listening to his idle chatter about “Water Burger.”
Whatever the hell that is.

I’ve decided it’s almost worth transferring out of JMU because of
Virginia, the dukes cashier, who charges me $8.67 for a bagel and two
boxes of cereal. Perhaps I can do away with her while she is taking a
break? Nah, I’d have to touch her and stuff.

—

In Other News:

– The Colossus has been Assigned to the Capella System. Booyah!

– ‘Cuse Won

– PJ asked if he could read American Psycho. I had to deny him.
Logistics…….and Physics.

– Girls asking me to visit their suite? Jenny, Sara, you may not
realize what you’ve started.

– I think two of my suitemates are involved (wink).

– Does anyone remember the animated Ghostbusters Series?

Back off man. I’m a scientist.