Cork on the Fork

And on the Seventh Day, there was the Suitemates Update.

I don’t
know what to write about today, but I found this intriguing picture of
one of my suitemates today and decided I would write about it.

Have You Seen This Man?

Steve: “I’m going to a group meeting. Ill be back in an hour.”                                               

Me: “Alright.”

As I write this, Steve has been missing for 26
hours.

A fascinating individual with no known ties to people outside
of the Illuminati Order, Steve has been known to disappear for days on
end with no explanation as to why or where. Perhaps this is what makes
Steve so fundamentally frightening.

I plan on updating with other
suite members as soon as possible. Be ready Guys!

Today was very decent in terms of boredom level.

I found an old sock in my room that had blood all over
the toe, from Racquetball Injuries. HARDCORE!

Most of my free time was spent watching the Oscars in
a Social Setting, but that isn’t the Best Part.

I got bored after awhile and walked to 7-11 for my
coffee fix, and on the way I had to cross a mote with railroad tracks
in the middle. It was behind a gas station and everything. For awhile,
just a short while, I was living out my dream of being a vagrant with
no social ties and a drug dependency.  The 7-11 was empty and I
paid for my coffee with quarters.

I’ve definitely decided that some girls are really
cool, and that some of those are worth pursuing.

Also, Adrian Brody is my One Day Hero.

————————————————————————-

Some people are really affected in their lives by
certain people, events, and emotions – but I’ve noticed that those
same things never affect me.  It’s a different set of things that
really influence me.

Yeah, that sentence was crappy, and reading it back
makes me feel stupid.

Things That Affect Me Deeply:

– Changing your Mind at the Last Second

– Appreciating Things No One Else Sees, and things I
could never tell anyone

– James Coburn

– People who buy fruit Daily

– When a Girl Touches your face with one hand and
Looks at her other hand

– The sound when someone is walking on concrete across
a parking lot in warm weather

– Warm Wind in Tall Trees

– Peter O’Toole’s Blue Eyes

I Can’t Write Down more….

——————————————————————

In Other News:

– I Indirectly Got PJ in Trouble for Cookie Theft.
Sorry, You can punch me if you want.

– I’m going to move out of the US after College, if at
all possible

– The most interesting people walk around for the hell
of it

– Yes, we should fill the apartment with trampolines
to expedite travel within rooms

– Best. Churros. Ever.

T.E. Lawrence:
“So long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be
a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous, and cruel, as you
are.”

– Lawrence of Arabia

Welcome to a Special Lazy Saturday Update!

Follow the Action in this Pictorial:

Note: Steve Nash
did not actually play Basketball in Our Suite. I needed a picture to
fill out the row.

Ok, as you may have noticed, this is just one picture. I am currently
installing a Picture Gallery Module and I need some time to prepare
it. Please Remain Calm, Muckwompets.

(Also, if you
don’t know me, I’m the one at the bottom (The Exceptionally Pale
One.))

In Other News:

– PJ can walk on top of Snow, Much like an Elf

– I can appear and disappear like Batman

– French Vanilla Cappucino and Hot Chocolate Mix Well

Griffin: All right, you fools. You brought it on
yourselves. Everything would have come right if you’ve let me alone.
Let me near madness with your peering through the keyhole and your
gaping through the curtains and now you’ll suffer for it. You’re crazy
to know who I am, aren’t you? All right, I’ll show you!
[Takes off the fake nose.]
Griffin: There’s a souvenir for you.
[Takes off the goggles.]
Griffin: And one for you.
[Starts taking off the bandages on his head.]
Griffin: I’ll show you who I am and what I am!

What About all the Good Things Hitler Did?

Does this offend you?

If So, Do Not – I Repeat – Do Not Proceed to this Link

T-Shirt Hell

———————————————————————

I’m going to buy some Lenses So I can Look This
Professional All the Time

*Note* – I Don’t Like Smiling, So I Purse

I kind of believe I look like a Nazi Scientist, which is very Strange,
but intriguing at the same time. When I Purse my lips my “Serious
Looking” Quotient Goes Up almost two fold.

———————————————————————–

PJ Brought Some Random Pittsburgh Ladies Home Lastnight. However, I
must say I’m quite pleased with them. They appear to be normal except
for the fact that they enjoy the Steelers*.

*Plum Smugglers

In Other News:

– Yes, Nicholas Drills the Three With No Time Left

– Dammit Mizzou

– Mm, French Vanilla and Chocolate

– Economics is a Social Science? Haha, Apparently I’ve been a Liberal
Arts Major the Whole Time

– Seth, Nice Bumper Stickers

[Indy signals his intention to cut the rope bridge.] Willie Scott: Oh
my God. Oh my God, is he nuts? Short Round: He no nuts, he’s crazy!

– Temple of Doom

It’s amazing to think, but I do believe I woke up too
early today. Now, 10:00 AM is stretching it for complaining about, so
bear with me.

After 2 Group Meetings that already put
my Social Quotient above 100 (34 is Regular) I met with someone to
discuss Inventory Management and then headed to class. The Professor
skipped out 30 minutes early because no one wanted to answer his
quasi-rhetorical questions, so I hit Chap around 2 and nearly fell
asleep. I was awakened by a Vanilla Coke bottle hurled at my head from
a kindly roommate, then proceeded to Dukes to achieve minimum food
consumption of 400 Calories per Meal. I was seduced by the Dark Side
of the Food Industry and sunk a massive amount of funds into non
perishable food packed into a cooler.

Returned to
Chap, more sleep. Awakened by kindly suitemate after I fell asleep
reading Dickens, and proceeded to haul provisions to a friends car as
a favor (since he was heading home for the weekend). Sandals rapidly
filled with snow, and feet became hypothermic.

Nourishment Expedition No. 2 was uneventful. More sleep followed.
Remote Control is broken so I used suitemates to change channels.

Racquetball was scheduled at 6:00 PM, saw former Girlfriends new Boy.
Very Sweaty. Worst Racquetball of my life, so very tired. No speed and
no skill today resulted in severe thrashing. 

Shower was uneventful

———————————————————.

Shaving:

Ok, I have to shave just like any other man,
so I figured why not do it the right way? Poisonous Cream and Razor
Sharp Blades shoved into my face.

When I shave, I
stare directly at my face as I make dozens of smooth passes across it.
The whole time I’m moving my head to see it from different angles in
the mirror. Bottom, Straight on, Left, Right, From the Top etc.

At first, I’m wearing a green mask. Strip by strip I can see what’s
underneath.

I never get chances to look at myself in
mirrors anymore. At least, not alone. I look different to myself. Not
more hansom, not uglier, not paler, not stiffer, nothing like that.
Something more subtle.

I don’t know what it is
honestly, but I can say with certainty that I feel something. 

Maybe I was just really tired when that happened, I could have been
hallucinating from racquetball fatigue.

———————————————————

Oh, for the love of Jesus I hurt all over. Legs, Arms, Shoulders, Head
(Racquet), Feet….all equally sore.

I turned down a
ride home, but I don’t feel too bad about it. I talk to my siblings
enough, and parents are fine. I have the feeling I should be getting
to know them while they’re in good health, though. Most of the kids
around me are unconcerned with stuff like that…they party, hang out
with friends, date, etc…but it bothers me that most of us never know
them and realize our mistake later, when they may not be the same
people they used to be.

———————————————————-

Tomorrow has been designated a recovery day for me.

I’m going to shave my head. Hair is a hassle.

I want to bleed from my mouth again.

Everyone Fights, No One Quits.

I’m supposed to make up for a late update with a
double long, so here it goes:

Window Into My Mind

– Ah, JMU in the Spring – Now I remember why I came to
a school that was 60-40

– Racquetball is turning into a Pro “Fu$^ing” Sport
Lately. Honestly, I won one game today, but came away with a sprained
elbow and “turf toe” resulting from a wooden floor.

– Between 3 Queen CD’s and PJ’s copy of The Who’s
Greatest Video Hits I’m Overloaded on Bands that my Parents should
have listened to, but they weren’t that cool. Wait a Second, Maybe
They Were, I think my Dad went to about 4 Three Dog Night Concerts.
They were Steel Battalion.

– How come there aren’t any good bands any more?
Aren’t I supposed to turn 40 before I start hating all the current
Music out there? All the bands nowadays are called “XR45” and
“Demonized” and they all cater to High Teenagers who feel 
Depressed if they don’t spend 40 Bucks on Tickets to Mosh with other
Stoners and rave about there “hardcore” lyrics. I can’t listen to
another song where the lead singer is a) High b) A Filthy Hippy c)
Younger than 23 or d) Prone to mentioning Smoking Up like it’s
Breathing

– Been busy with a lot of random stuff lately, I miss
the good old days when I had hours to contemplate my existence. Busy
is Good. But Mentally Busy is Better.

———————————————————————–

I need some friends who just enjoy playing chess and
drinking coffee. That was a good time.

I enjoy being bald, as you’ve probably gleaned that
information already from my stream of bald guy pictures. Michael
Ironside is my Personal Hard Ass Hero.

———————————————————————–

I can’t decipher what I want in life anymore…I’m
really not interested in anything…I just have the urge to travel to
Europe and live alone, but the logistics are entirely too complicated
at this point. That’s why I want to keep ties to a minimum.

Richter:
“You have to make a decision, sir.”
Vilos Cohaagen:
“Kill him.”
Richter:
“It’s about goddamn time.”

-Total Recall

I wore shorts to all my classes today because the
temperature reached 45�(Tropical, Baby).

Today I feel
it is important for me to establish how much I hate different people

– The Girl in my GHTH Class that assumes she is in her dorm room, and
not a 500 Person Lecture Hall. Have I mentioned how much I want to
stab myself in the Ear every time you say something like……”Nuh uh
Girl, he not playin me like dat!” or “Yuh huh, I use da cream on my
genital warts” in the middle of a quiet lecture hall?

– Guys (Or Girls) who like to slam into each other while walking
around campus and then end up whining for help when they finally break
an appendage. You  know, the people who feel that the harder they
slam into someone, the cooler they are.

– That Guy who
always continues to ask questions after class is over so no one can
get up without looking like an asshole

– The guy that
absolutely refuses to yield if two people have to walk through a
narrow hallway. Usually, I end up ducking under a swinging arm or
sliding along the wall so I don’t collide with them. Come on, I
shouldn’t feel like Indiana Jones trying to get past “three devices of
lethal cunning” when I walk up the Staircases in Showker.

– The COB 291 Professor who assigned a problem with over 17 Variables
and 18 Constraints as a “Quiz.”

 

Ok, now lets move on.

I’ve discovered
that I can receive messages from the Nether Realm if I trick my
printer into spewing forth its demonic incantations:

Careful Analysis Reveals the Following:

By isolating the Complex Symbols into Less Complex Groups of Symbols I
have discovered the following words repeated over and over:

In the name of Satan, Ruler of the earth, King of
the
world, I command the forces of Darkness to bestow their
Infernal power upon me. Open wide the gates of Hell and
come forth from the abyss in answer to your most
Unholy names
 

Damn.

In Other News:

– New
Jersey Jazz Clubs? Me?

– Periodic Inventory Management
Analysis Program?

– Erik Estrada Tells me I’m Gay

– 2 Hours wasted on Linear Programming

If you hate
a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What
isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.

-Herman Hesse

It has been asked whether or not I would go to War if in some
hypothetical instance I was drafted, and my answer is yes.

I
don’t enjoy fighting, that’s for sure, and I’m probably not much for
marksmanship.  I think George W. Bush is borderline retarded and
the War with Iraq is really just a crusade for Oil consumed by
Americans totally unnecessary sport utility vehicles and outdated
industrial operations. I don’t enjoy shooting people for no reason
other than the fact that I’m in a different army than them, and I
don’t see why soldiers should have to pay the ultimate price for
something they will never receive. 

So why would I go? Because I don’t want someone to go in my place.
I don’t feel its my duty to fight in a US Sanctioned War, but I do
feel its my duty to prevent someone else from dying in a war that I
wouldn’t participate in.  At first it would feel great to avoid
it, "Hey, I don’t have to fight in this stupid war, I claimed I was
blind in my left eye and they said I was unfit to serve. I’m
protesting this war, and I refuse to be a part of it."

What happens
when they send another guy in place of you? What happens when your
neighbors gets a telegram telling them their son died in a fight over
some worthless pile of sand?

Can you look them in the eye and say,
"So what? I’m opposed to the War."

I couldn’t do that. I just
couldn’t.

Remember, it is your duty to protest an unjust or
unnecessary war, but protest doesn’t guarantee that there will be a
peaceful resolution.

There are about 10 People in my suite right now
watching live footage of Baghdad, Hoping Against hope that thousands
of Bombs will soon rain down like Brimstone. AWESOME!

In any case, I played 4 games of Chess at TDU today
with Jerry, and drank lots of coffee. Very fulfilling.

More Random Quotes:

– “This is my Sloth, his name is Greed.”

– “I think I know more about Dave Pope than you do.”

– (After Chucking a Bag of Donuts at Jerry) “Ouch, My
Breasts.”

– “How does it feel to be beaten by a bald man, biatch?”

– “Feel My Head….But Don’t feel it.”

– (After Destroying Jerry in the first 3 minutes of
Game 3) “The whole board is my playground!”

I finished Splinter Cell, and am saddened.

Mastered my 291 Test and

Received The “Love” Lecture

——————————————————————————-

COB 300 should Be Fun, I may have to do some work that
semester.

Sometimes I think I end up doing more work avoiding
work than I would just doing it. (Wow, Wild Sentence.)

“Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being
free to do anything.”

———————————————————————————————–

“Like a monkey ready to be shot into space. Space
monkey! Ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good.”

“Turtles can’t scream , Jackass.”

Best. Condescending Statement. Ever.

Today is
Victoria’s Secret Catalog Day

(After Approaching a
Random Girl)

Me: “Is today Victoria’s Secret Catalog
Day?”

Girl: “I guess so.”

Me: “Can I
have yours?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Damn.”

Keep in mind, I’m wearing shorts in 30� weather and my “Rape” Mask.

�

You know who else forced unwilling subjects into small
rooms to be experimented upon? Exactly, so why do I have to do it? I
took a test on Depression today for a GPSYC Subject Pool thing.
Booyah! Viva La France! I knew all the answers.

My arm
burns from serving a racquetball a thousand times in 4 days, at 130
MPH a piece. I can’t use that hand anymore. I tried to pickup a drink
and it started vibrating uncontrollably, so I just gave up.

In Other News:

– Egg Bagels, I need soft food!

– New Jersey for Break?

– PJ/Paul Urine Excretion
Discussion?

– Anyone up for a Board Game?

We shall not capitulate… no never. We may be destroyed, but if we
are, we shall drag a world with us… a world in flames.