February 14, 2004
Today, I continued my long-time Favorite Activity of Scaring Random
Women:
If you don’t go to JMU, keep in mind “Dukes” is a regular, everday
dining facility.
—-
As I walk In to the establishment (Dukes) I see my room mate, Mr. PJ
Williamson working behind the taco counter. In an attempt to greet him,
I mosey over to his little area only to have an actual customer dart in
in front of me. Unperturbed, I proceed to the area of counter right
next to his, in order to get within earshot. I am standing in front of
a PC Dukes Employee, lets call her….Monita,
Monita: “:What would you like?”
Me: (In a rather loud voice, in order to draw PJ’s attention) “I DEMAND
satisfaction!”
Monira: “I cannot help you with that.”
Me: “Excellent.”
….Anyway, I got PJ’s attention. And we delivered the bomb.
—————-
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Jacques: “Good Afternoon,
Welcome to Chocolate with Jacques Torres.”
Audience: (Clapping)
Jacques: “Today I will show you just how simple it is to make Chocolate
Desserts in no Time at All.”
Audience: (Cheering)
…..(15 Minutes Elapse)…..
Jacques: “Now, Once You have Completed the Nose Cone, and the
Instrument Panel with Fully Functioning Satellite Navigation Systems,
and EMS Control Capability, simply attach the Nosecone to the rest
of the Space Shuttle. There! Wasn’t that Simple, and Look (Points to
Miniature Roboticized Chocolate Astronaut, that is in fact Waving at
the Audience) I think our Little Friend is Happy to Have A Home.
Remember Not only is this a Technical achievement in Chcolate, but it
is………Delicious!
And Remember, Life is Richer with Chocolate!”
Audience: “……”
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——
In The News:
– The Bread Shipment was Received, My Diagnosis? Delicious!
– Finally Obtained a Protective Coating for Wall Art. Well under $83.
– My Little Jaunt is Booked
– The Jaunt has been partially Funded by Tax Refunds
February 11, 2004
Replicator Dynamics:
I was fading in and out of coherence as the minutes passed by,
Replicator Dynamics was being forced into my skull.
The two shots of espresso were not enough.
That, my friends, is why I enjoy education.
—————-
Today I am Interested in Mandarin Collars:
Besides looking very sharp, it also serves as an extra layer of warmth
for the neck region.
As my Father used to say*, “If it’s good enough for the evil puppeteer
ruler of an evil human-sacrificing, monkey-brain eating cult, By God
it’s good enough for me!”
* – It’s funny I said “used to say” since my father is, in fact, still
alive and well, with full use of his vocal chords.
—
On the down side – the Mandarin Collar seems to be unpopular right now
in the Fashion Industry. I can definetely see how it would come off
Priestly, or how it could be cumbersome if you were extremely obese,
and therefore had no neck.
Alas, the search shall continue at Local Apparel Retailers, as well as
Ebay.
February 10, 2004
Best. Hot Chcolate. Ever.
Notice the Rainbow Colors? Justice League Marshmallows.
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I was on no sleep this weekend. I am grateful for sleep now.
In Finishing, where can one purchase an Erotic Cake?
February 9, 2004
Today I Learned 3 Important Things:
1) Buyng Sheets of Lexan Can Be a cost-effective way of making your own
picture frames. However, you must be willing to become a
glass smith.
2) Colored (or “Festive”) Lightbulbs can turn any dreary, unimaginative
apartment into a dreary, unimaginative apartment , except now it looks
like a serial killer lives there.
3) It’s never too late for a random party to start in your apartment.
I’m talking 3 am and not ending until daylight. All I know is I went to
bed at 1, woke up and found 80 empty cans, then went back to bed.
I think I remember someone talking about Poultry.
—————
[Bellamy tells
him he’s behind enemy lines]
Oddball: So they tell
me. Everybody round here is very friendly. Look, baby, I’m kinda hung
up. I need sixty feet of bridge.
Bellamy:
Hey, kid, they haven’t got you in the nut ward again?
Oddball:
Ah, Bellamy, for cryin’ out loud. That’s the the stinking, most awful,
stupid joke and you’re always pullin’ that stinking awful stupid joke.
You don’t want in this thing, you
don’t get in this thing. I cut you in on everything. I don’t need you.
Sixty feet of bridge I can get almost anywhere. Schmuck!
February 8, 2004
Costs and Utility:
Dinner with 4 People at a Popular Restaurant: $18.00
The Mere Thought of a Quiet Evening Alone, Relaxing in Your Suede
Slippers and Reading Your Favorite Book: $20
Being Surprised by 4 Guys and their Affinity for Friday Night
Exuberance, Resulting in Taking Possession of FOUR Cases of Natty
Light, and the Shame that Goes with that: $60
Convincing Them that They Need to Shave Their Heads Like Space Monkeys:
Priceless.
February 5, 2004
Check this out….
When I went to bed I was the perfect specimen of manhood, when I awoke,
This was the case:
Note: Eyeball is actual size
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—–
I hope this means I’m turning into some kind of uber-human.
I hope it doesnt mean I have cancer.
——
I did have a dream about being a Garbage Man, and this looks like the
eyeball of a particularly dirty garbage man.
Also, I had a dream about being stabbed in the eye with a needle. Was
it like being in the Matrix, where If I think I’m getting needled in
the eye then I really do?
