Cork on the Fork

I wore shorts to all my classes today because the
temperature reached 45�(Tropical, Baby).

Today I feel
it is important for me to establish how much I hate different people

– The Girl in my GHTH Class that assumes she is in her dorm room, and
not a 500 Person Lecture Hall. Have I mentioned how much I want to
stab myself in the Ear every time you say something like……”Nuh uh
Girl, he not playin me like dat!” or “Yuh huh, I use da cream on my
genital warts” in the middle of a quiet lecture hall?

– Guys (Or Girls) who like to slam into each other while walking
around campus and then end up whining for help when they finally break
an appendage. You  know, the people who feel that the harder they
slam into someone, the cooler they are.

– That Guy who
always continues to ask questions after class is over so no one can
get up without looking like an asshole

– The guy that
absolutely refuses to yield if two people have to walk through a
narrow hallway. Usually, I end up ducking under a swinging arm or
sliding along the wall so I don’t collide with them. Come on, I
shouldn’t feel like Indiana Jones trying to get past “three devices of
lethal cunning” when I walk up the Staircases in Showker.

– The COB 291 Professor who assigned a problem with over 17 Variables
and 18 Constraints as a “Quiz.”

 

Ok, now lets move on.

I’ve discovered
that I can receive messages from the Nether Realm if I trick my
printer into spewing forth its demonic incantations:

Careful Analysis Reveals the Following:

By isolating the Complex Symbols into Less Complex Groups of Symbols I
have discovered the following words repeated over and over:

In the name of Satan, Ruler of the earth, King of
the
world, I command the forces of Darkness to bestow their
Infernal power upon me. Open wide the gates of Hell and
come forth from the abyss in answer to your most
Unholy names
 

Damn.

In Other News:

– New
Jersey Jazz Clubs? Me?

– Periodic Inventory Management
Analysis Program?

– Erik Estrada Tells me I’m Gay

– 2 Hours wasted on Linear Programming

If you hate
a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What
isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.

-Herman Hesse

It’s amazing to think, but I do believe I woke up too
early today. Now, 10:00 AM is stretching it for complaining about, so
bear with me.

After 2 Group Meetings that already put
my Social Quotient above 100 (34 is Regular) I met with someone to
discuss Inventory Management and then headed to class. The Professor
skipped out 30 minutes early because no one wanted to answer his
quasi-rhetorical questions, so I hit Chap around 2 and nearly fell
asleep. I was awakened by a Vanilla Coke bottle hurled at my head from
a kindly roommate, then proceeded to Dukes to achieve minimum food
consumption of 400 Calories per Meal. I was seduced by the Dark Side
of the Food Industry and sunk a massive amount of funds into non
perishable food packed into a cooler.

Returned to
Chap, more sleep. Awakened by kindly suitemate after I fell asleep
reading Dickens, and proceeded to haul provisions to a friends car as
a favor (since he was heading home for the weekend). Sandals rapidly
filled with snow, and feet became hypothermic.

Nourishment Expedition No. 2 was uneventful. More sleep followed.
Remote Control is broken so I used suitemates to change channels.

Racquetball was scheduled at 6:00 PM, saw former Girlfriends new Boy.
Very Sweaty. Worst Racquetball of my life, so very tired. No speed and
no skill today resulted in severe thrashing. 

Shower was uneventful

———————————————————.

Shaving:

Ok, I have to shave just like any other man,
so I figured why not do it the right way? Poisonous Cream and Razor
Sharp Blades shoved into my face.

When I shave, I
stare directly at my face as I make dozens of smooth passes across it.
The whole time I’m moving my head to see it from different angles in
the mirror. Bottom, Straight on, Left, Right, From the Top etc.

At first, I’m wearing a green mask. Strip by strip I can see what’s
underneath.

I never get chances to look at myself in
mirrors anymore. At least, not alone. I look different to myself. Not
more hansom, not uglier, not paler, not stiffer, nothing like that.
Something more subtle.

I don’t know what it is
honestly, but I can say with certainty that I feel something. 

Maybe I was just really tired when that happened, I could have been
hallucinating from racquetball fatigue.

———————————————————

Oh, for the love of Jesus I hurt all over. Legs, Arms, Shoulders, Head
(Racquet), Feet….all equally sore.

I turned down a
ride home, but I don’t feel too bad about it. I talk to my siblings
enough, and parents are fine. I have the feeling I should be getting
to know them while they’re in good health, though. Most of the kids
around me are unconcerned with stuff like that…they party, hang out
with friends, date, etc…but it bothers me that most of us never know
them and realize our mistake later, when they may not be the same
people they used to be.

———————————————————-

Tomorrow has been designated a recovery day for me.

I’m going to shave my head. Hair is a hassle.

I want to bleed from my mouth again.

Welcome to a Special Lazy Saturday Update!

Follow the Action in this Pictorial:

Note: Steve Nash
did not actually play Basketball in Our Suite. I needed a picture to
fill out the row.

Ok, as you may have noticed, this is just one picture. I am currently
installing a Picture Gallery Module and I need some time to prepare
it. Please Remain Calm, Muckwompets.

(Also, if you
don’t know me, I’m the one at the bottom (The Exceptionally Pale
One.))

In Other News:

– PJ can walk on top of Snow, Much like an Elf

– I can appear and disappear like Batman

– French Vanilla Cappucino and Hot Chocolate Mix Well

Griffin: All right, you fools. You brought it on
yourselves. Everything would have come right if you’ve let me alone.
Let me near madness with your peering through the keyhole and your
gaping through the curtains and now you’ll suffer for it. You’re crazy
to know who I am, aren’t you? All right, I’ll show you!
[Takes off the fake nose.]
Griffin: There’s a souvenir for you.
[Takes off the goggles.]
Griffin: And one for you.
[Starts taking off the bandages on his head.]
Griffin: I’ll show you who I am and what I am!

Once again I find myself going to bed rather early,
but waking around 4 in the morning. I have no idea why this has
started to happen recently, but I am presuming it’s biological since
my Dad has similar sleep patterns.

Human beings tend to think from one day to the next
-today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow- and the borders between the
days are maintained by sleep. So, to me at least, waking up at such an
odd hour seems to give me an extra day (albeit, one only an hour or so
long). Keep in mind, I only stay awake for an hour or so, then get
tired again and return to the Upper Bunk.

As I usually
do, I walked over to my fridge and replenished the liquid I had lost
while sleeping and then progressed outside of my room. I feel sorry
for the people at JMU that live in long hallways where you have to
walk by 30 doors to get to a staircase, I rather enjoy the fact that I
can avoid human contact while moving around. I went to the window and
opened it up – 81 was quiet, there were just a few trucks passing
every couple of minutes. You could hear them a mile off as they
started getting gradually louder and after they roared by it was
nearly silent again.

Alright, I walked around some more
to see if anyone was around. My insomniac friend from next door had
just taken a shower and I said “Hi” then kept walking. When I got
outside a cab pulled up and one guy got out and walked briskly inside
the building, He looked pretty out of it.

 

If I could somehow focus what I refer to as “The 4 AM
Craziness” I currently possess, I could probably do some useful
things. I could make people breakfast, or do my homework, but for some
reason I don’t. More than likely I would just end up updating this
website, but what the hell.

—————————————————————

Maybe I should videotape myself sleeping sometime. I know I sleep like
a Vietnam Vet with all my kicking and twisting, but it’d be cool to
know exactly what I do. I have the “falling” dream at least a dozen
times every night (the one where you kick like a crazy person because
your body believes you’re falling). It probably means that my
subconscious thinks I’m failing (failing = falling).

FreakyDreams.com

 

Your Dream: Falling Words like falling: Loss of honor. Fear of failure. Loss of power and feeling out of control.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

But how can I have the “flying” dream then, too?
 

Your Dream: Flying Words like flying: Combination of control and freedom. Power. Success in all enterprises.

I guess this means I’m very successful in my failure.

—————————————————————–

In Other News:

– Fall in love with the Idea of Love?

– Nah

– Dammit Dixon, you have to hit the three
at the Buzzer.

Some people just wanted to blow it
all to hell, animal, vegetable and mineral. They wanted a Vietnam they
could fit into their car ashtrays.

– Michael Herr, Dispatches, 1977
 

Jerry: “Why didn’t you talk to that guy with me?”

Me: “I hate that Mother F^&*er!”

Jerry: “Wahahahahhahahaha.”

Ahhh, dinner with the guys.

Oh, and give Karen my Best.

——————————————————

Alright, with all likelihood I have a place to live next year, so
preparations must begin for the giant Plywood wall of Graffiti!

She stands a mighty 9 Feet Tall and 15 Feet Across.

 

I hope it still exists in one – three pieces
somewhere. Possibly Pennsylvania?

Hell, we can always
make a new one.

——————————————————-

Ok, Hilarity.

Professor: “You see, this is no harder. It’s just more constraints.”

Me and a Classmate: “…………………….damn.”

In
all truth, the problem is not that difficult if you know what you’re
looking at, but I still find it comical that there were 24
Constraints. Plus, that picture is awesome.

Seth, your
scanning skills are appreciated.

——————————————————————

In Other News:

– Racquetball Skills Improving

– New Jersey Confirmation

– Working in the Office of
the Secretary of Defense? Here I Come Rummy!

Elsa:
[to Indy] I’ll never forget how vonderful it vas.
Professor Henry Jones: Why thank you. It was rather wonderful.
Elsa: [Kisses Indy.] Zat’s how Austrians say goodbye.
Colonel Vogel: Und zis is how ve zay goodbye in Germany, Dr. Jones.

[Punches Indy.]
Indiana Jones: I liked the Austrian way better.
Professor Henry Jones: So did I.
 

My Most Prized Possession

�

The Sexual Assault Mask

Modeled by Han Solo

I can’t describe the love for this
simple ski mask turned Sexual Assault Aid. No, I have never
actually sexually assaulted anyone wearing this mask, but if I
needed to, I would choose this particular one in a heartbeat. It
provides the Insulation of a� full face mask and facial obscurity
without sacrificing freedom of movement in the process.�

————————————————————-

It might feel good
it might sound a little somethin’
but damn the game if it don’t mean nothin
what is game who got game
where’s the game in life behind the game behind the game
I got game
she’s got game
we got game
they got game
he got game
it might feel good
or sound a little somethin
but fuck the game if it ain’t saying nothin

Oh
yeah, tell it like it is P.E.

I have the sudden urge to
just throw my life out the window and dedicate it to the kids.

—————————————————————

She lists her interests as: Beatles, Indiana Jones, Monty Python, U2,
Princess Bride, and Webpage Design. But she’s from Toronto.

Diznam Girl, Where You Been All my Life?

In Other News:

– Must Purchase Bowl?

– Urge to Smoke Rising

– Thank You Adobe Photoshop, you have given me so much

The glory of taking a man from his bed in the middle of the night
and gunning him down in front of his wife and children. Where is the
glory in that?
�

I don’t get angry at all anymore.  I can’t
remember the last time I was honestly pissed at something or someone.

Maybe I seem stoic to people, maybe I seem like a coward. Mostly it’s
just indifference. 

When I was a kid my Dad got angry a lot, and I
remember hating it, so I made a conscious decision that I wouldn’t do
that when I was an adult.  It seems like I always stay calm no
matter what I do anymore, and it’s intensely irritating to me
sometimes.

I’m almost afraid of showing strong emotion like that.
I mean, I’m out of practice and it takes real effort. So in any case,
that’s why I never seem pissed.

—————————————————————

Once again, I’ve discovered that instead of wearing pants I can just
substitute a ski mask and goggles. Sure, my legs are frozen right now,
but the facial warmth just feels good.

——————————————————————–

In Other News:

– Must Buy “Hot” Watch From Street
Vendor

– Hmm, Definitely Possible at 30 mph – Injuries?

– Must Haggle Riechy for Ride

– Weight is Steady at
130, 1100 Calories a Day

– Racquetball skills improve,
slightly

– Where are you Star Wars Girl?

Then the man drowsed off into what seemed to him the most
comfortable and satisfying sleep he had ever known. The dog sat facing
him and waiting. The brief day drew to a close in a long, slow
twilight. There were no signs of a fire to be made, and, besides,
never in the dog’s experience had it known a man to sit like that in
the snow and make no fire. As the twilight drew on, its eager yearning
for the fire mastered it, and with a great lifting and shifting of
forefeet, it whined softly, then flattened its ears down in
anticipation of being chidden by the man. But the man remained silent.
Later, the dog whined loudly. And still later it crept close to the
man and caught the scent of death. This made the animal bristle and
back away. A little longer it delayed, howling under the stars that
leaped and danced and shone brightly in the cold sky. Then it turned
and trotted up the trail in the direction of the camp it knew, where
were the other food-providers and fire-providers.

As I Write This Raiders of the Lost Ark is on
TV….Inspiration?

Ok, the Daily Update is a little
late, but hey, I was a little busy.� Rarely does my Computer Away
Time amount to more than 8 Hours, let alone 2 Days. The Best God Damn
Two Days since…..um……Three Months Ago I would say.

Time Spent Lonely����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
Becomes Time Spent Alone

I’ve never felt so good
about coughing up a lung before. Too bad I can never go lower than a
Black and Gold, nothing else will cut it. I’M ADDICTED! I really do
need that Cigarette Case.

�

Too bad I wasted the Dollar Binging on Easter Candy
that I will end up giving away.

—————————————————–

A
Night at Calhoun’s was used to Discuss “The Ladies” and other sordid
topics. Apparently I’m not to know some special secret between my
suitemates though. Hey, It’s probably something I don’t want to know,
i.e. C.H.U.D. Sexual Behavior or Crohn’s Disease amongst the people
that live here.

I’m thinking of uploading one of the
Tapes I use to record my daily thoughts since I enjoy listening to
them myself. I bet I’m one of a select few people that can listen to
themselves on tape and and have no idea what the Hell I’m talking
about. If I cant understand me, how can I expect others to?

Today’s Tape Recorded Thoughts:

– ISAT Major = Pendulum
Science.

– Shadow Prices on a Curve! A Curve! Oh, the
Humanity. You know you’re insane when you actually want to learn more
math than your professor. He didn’t take kindly to my question about
Relevant Feasibility either.

– Spilled Easter Eggs
looking for a Lighter

——————————————————-

Dunhill’s v. Nat Sherman’s

Diagnosis: Nat Sherman’s by
3 Horse Lengths

Prognosis: Severe Coughing, followed by
pleasant sense of fatigue

——————————————————-

In Other News:

– Mix CD for a Medium Length Car Trip

– I Should Tell My Parents I’m Going To Jersey, I feel I owe it to
them

– Miles Goodman – Best. Composer. Ever. (For the
Next 2 Hours)

– Master of Managerial Accounting. Master
of No Studying?

– Saturday Class = Better than Normal

The Quote of the Update (From my Tape Recorder)

“Note to Self – New Halloween Costume: Youngest Holocaust Survivor
Ever. “

Come on, All I need is some filthy rags
and to lose 5 More Pounds.

I was obsessively cleaning today and I found two
things:

– Handspring Visor (Glorified Gameboy) which I
Managed to Bring Back to working Order

– Old Movie
Ticket

The Ticket had Sentimental Value, So I was glad
I still had it.

I need clear packing tape to laminate
it, though.

—————————————————————–

I found myself in the basement of my Dorm taking pictures of our
“Swastika” Study Lounge Tables because I find them hilarious. The
students studying down there must have thought I was a little crazy
though.

Oh, I’m sure there are forces at work here. Who lets a swastika table
slide through production?

Artist Du Jour: Dun Tan, and
his Chinese Classical.

——————————————————————-

In Other News:

– Downloads Section is Open

– St. Johns, Piow

– Steve referred to me as “Gaunt”,
booyah

– Mmm, Swiss Almond Chocolate

Li Mu Bai:
I’ve already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last
breath that I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost,
drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without
you. Because of your love, I will never be a lonely spirit.

Ok, Today was rather busy as days go.

– Possible Apartment Mate Buys 2 Gallons of Milk

– Splinter Cell has consumed my Life

– 291 Quiz Raped
me, and by raped I mean mildly fatigued me

– Everyone
Stop Yelling at Me! Look Inside Yourself, Live Life, Give Thanks and
Release

– Now Release Again

———————————————————-

Ok, Short Update. I’m Tired, and I don’t like writing after about oh
um, 1:00 AM.

I have an incredible urge to take Ink-Blot
tests because I remembered taking one and now I want to do it again.
It was a good time. Run On Sentence?

It’s funny how
these random memories just surface occasionally, and the best part is
that most of them are all fun and good.

– As previously
mentioned, The Ink-Blot Test

– Walking to Movies in
Arctic Temperatures with Shorts

– Playgrounds at
Midnight, Freezing

– Tag with my Siblings as a Kid

– Street Tennis – WATCH OUT FOR CARS!

– Berlee Drive
Hill, On a Bike, With no Brakes

– Getting the snot
slapped out of me by my Mother, but the Apology later. (I can take a
beating!)

– Mud Pit behind the Shed – Special Thanks to
Ross for Hose Control

– I Hosted a News Program? What
the Hell did I Smoke? Wait, I don’t really even smoke?

– Air Tents!

Okay, I have hundreds more, but I cant
recite them at one time.

————————————————————

In Other News:

– Johnny Cask Now and Forever

– Download “Hurt” by Johnny Cash

– It’s not country,
calm down!

– She was cute, carrying two apples

– DS as a Roommate? What are we thinking?

– I’m
thinking Dead Prostitute in the Shower

Eugene Kittridge:
I understand you’re very upset.
Ethan Hunt:
Kittridge, you’ve never seen me very upset.

I
like this quote because he never gets upset.