Cork on the Fork

Alrighty, I can Sum up Spring Break in just a few short phrases:

–
KUWAMBA!

– Stop Staring at me Swan!

– I think you greatly overestimate your ability to think clearly
while on fire

– Dancing in the Streets of� NYC

– Falling Asleep While Staring at my Lava Lamp

– Riechy Carries the Hanta Virus

– Bitching in a Car

– Evan’s Dog is so GAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

– 3.5 Pounds of Robin Eggs

– Joc (sp?)

– WAWA Refills for $1.29

– 1000 Miles logged, give or take

Basically, I’m too Lazy to write a real update.

To substitute, please partake of the pictures in the Gallery…

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“I don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw
it out. All I got is fuckin’ Floyd.”

– Dick Ritchie, True Romance
�

My Personal Hero – “Ku-Umba” Frank Lacy

Houston, Texas, born and ghetto raised, Frank is the
sixth child of a family of twelve children. His father, a teacher,
played guitar with Russell Jacquet, Eddie Cleanhead Vinson, Johnny
Fontenett and Arnett Cobb. His mother is a gospel vocalist. At the age
of 8, young Frank took up piano lessons and began to play the trumpet
soon after. While in junior high school, he began to play the
Euphonium and the Tuba. To play trombone he started at the age of 16.
After musical studies at the famed Berklee College of Music in Boston
and the Rutgers University in New York he toured with greats like
Dizzy Gillespie, Abdullah Ibrahim, Henry Threadgill, Julius Hemphill,
Oliver Lake, The Eurythmics, Carla Bley and Don Pullen. He was member
of the first Bobby Watson Horizon Band and at the apex of his career
as a sideman he spend a year and a half as musical director of Art
Blakey’s Jazz Messengers.
Besides the work with own groups, Frank still tours a lot with Lester
Bowie’s Brass Fantasy and the big bands of McCoy Tyner and David
Murray. A first CD under his name was published 1991 under the TUTU/ENJA
label: Tonal Weights and Blue Fire. A second one, Settegast Strut, has
been released on the same label.

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In Other News:

– Jack Nicholson is the Devil

– George Bush, Master of Diplomacy…and by “Master” I
mean “Borderline Retarded Irish Setter”

– 5.5 Pounds of Sugary Goodness

– SCREAM! Roger Daltrey SCREAM!

“I’ll tip my hat to
the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again
Don’t get fooled again
No, no!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

NO!

YES!

Yeah, I Need the Beard…and 50 Ibs.

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My Head Feels so hard. It’s like I’m grabbing a rock,
but the rock is slightly fuzzy.

Imagine what I can do Now…

– Monk

– Hitman

– Nazi

– Yul Brynner?

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In Other News:

– I eat Soy Sauce like Cheese Paste

– I am “Comic Relief”

– I am “Prone to the absurd”

– I am Bald

– I am Growing a Beard

In Other Other News:

– Evan’s BDAY! Cake, Cake, Cake.

– More Easter Candy. I just can’t leave that Aisle in
Wal-Mart.

�

“His heed was ballid, and schon as eny glas. “

– C. 1386 Chaucer Prol. 198

There are about 10 People in my suite right now
watching live footage of Baghdad, Hoping Against hope that thousands
of Bombs will soon rain down like Brimstone. AWESOME!

In any case, I played 4 games of Chess at TDU today
with Jerry, and drank lots of coffee. Very fulfilling.

More Random Quotes:

– “This is my Sloth, his name is Greed.”

– “I think I know more about Dave Pope than you do.”

– (After Chucking a Bag of Donuts at Jerry) “Ouch, My
Breasts.”

– “How does it feel to be beaten by a bald man, biatch?”

– “Feel My Head….But Don’t feel it.”

– (After Destroying Jerry in the first 3 minutes of
Game 3) “The whole board is my playground!”

I finished Splinter Cell, and am saddened.

Mastered my 291 Test and

Received The “Love” Lecture

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COB 300 should Be Fun, I may have to do some work that
semester.

Sometimes I think I end up doing more work avoiding
work than I would just doing it. (Wow, Wild Sentence.)

“Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being
free to do anything.”

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“Like a monkey ready to be shot into space. Space
monkey! Ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good.”

Everyone Fights, No One Quits.

I’m supposed to make up for a late update with a
double long, so here it goes:

Window Into My Mind

– Ah, JMU in the Spring – Now I remember why I came to
a school that was 60-40

– Racquetball is turning into a Pro “Fu$^ing” Sport
Lately. Honestly, I won one game today, but came away with a sprained
elbow and “turf toe” resulting from a wooden floor.

– Between 3 Queen CD’s and PJ’s copy of The Who’s
Greatest Video Hits I’m Overloaded on Bands that my Parents should
have listened to, but they weren’t that cool. Wait a Second, Maybe
They Were, I think my Dad went to about 4 Three Dog Night Concerts.
They were Steel Battalion.

– How come there aren’t any good bands any more?
Aren’t I supposed to turn 40 before I start hating all the current
Music out there? All the bands nowadays are called “XR45” and
“Demonized” and they all cater to High Teenagers who feel 
Depressed if they don’t spend 40 Bucks on Tickets to Mosh with other
Stoners and rave about there “hardcore” lyrics. I can’t listen to
another song where the lead singer is a) High b) A Filthy Hippy c)
Younger than 23 or d) Prone to mentioning Smoking Up like it’s
Breathing

– Been busy with a lot of random stuff lately, I miss
the good old days when I had hours to contemplate my existence. Busy
is Good. But Mentally Busy is Better.

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I need some friends who just enjoy playing chess and
drinking coffee. That was a good time.

I enjoy being bald, as you’ve probably gleaned that
information already from my stream of bald guy pictures. Michael
Ironside is my Personal Hard Ass Hero.

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I can’t decipher what I want in life anymore…I’m
really not interested in anything…I just have the urge to travel to
Europe and live alone, but the logistics are entirely too complicated
at this point. That’s why I want to keep ties to a minimum.

Richter:
“You have to make a decision, sir.”
Vilos Cohaagen:
“Kill him.”
Richter:
“It’s about goddamn time.”

-Total Recall

What About all the Good Things Hitler Did?

Does this offend you?

If So, Do Not – I Repeat – Do Not Proceed to this Link

T-Shirt Hell

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I’m going to buy some Lenses So I can Look This
Professional All the Time

*Note* – I Don’t Like Smiling, So I Purse

I kind of believe I look like a Nazi Scientist, which is very Strange,
but intriguing at the same time. When I Purse my lips my “Serious
Looking” Quotient Goes Up almost two fold.

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PJ Brought Some Random Pittsburgh Ladies Home Lastnight. However, I
must say I’m quite pleased with them. They appear to be normal except
for the fact that they enjoy the Steelers*.

*Plum Smugglers

In Other News:

– Yes, Nicholas Drills the Three With No Time Left

– Dammit Mizzou

– Mm, French Vanilla and Chocolate

– Economics is a Social Science? Haha, Apparently I’ve been a Liberal
Arts Major the Whole Time

– Seth, Nice Bumper Stickers

[Indy signals his intention to cut the rope bridge.] Willie Scott: Oh
my God. Oh my God, is he nuts? Short Round: He no nuts, he’s crazy!

– Temple of Doom

Today was very decent in terms of boredom level.

I found an old sock in my room that had blood all over
the toe, from Racquetball Injuries. HARDCORE!

Most of my free time was spent watching the Oscars in
a Social Setting, but that isn’t the Best Part.

I got bored after awhile and walked to 7-11 for my
coffee fix, and on the way I had to cross a mote with railroad tracks
in the middle. It was behind a gas station and everything. For awhile,
just a short while, I was living out my dream of being a vagrant with
no social ties and a drug dependency.  The 7-11 was empty and I
paid for my coffee with quarters.

I’ve definitely decided that some girls are really
cool, and that some of those are worth pursuing.

Also, Adrian Brody is my One Day Hero.

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Some people are really affected in their lives by
certain people, events, and emotions – but I’ve noticed that those
same things never affect me.  It’s a different set of things that
really influence me.

Yeah, that sentence was crappy, and reading it back
makes me feel stupid.

Things That Affect Me Deeply:

– Changing your Mind at the Last Second

– Appreciating Things No One Else Sees, and things I
could never tell anyone

– James Coburn

– People who buy fruit Daily

– When a Girl Touches your face with one hand and
Looks at her other hand

– The sound when someone is walking on concrete across
a parking lot in warm weather

– Warm Wind in Tall Trees

– Peter O’Toole’s Blue Eyes

I Can’t Write Down more….

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In Other News:

– I Indirectly Got PJ in Trouble for Cookie Theft.
Sorry, You can punch me if you want.

– I’m going to move out of the US after College, if at
all possible

– The most interesting people walk around for the hell
of it

– Yes, we should fill the apartment with trampolines
to expedite travel within rooms

– Best. Churros. Ever.

T.E. Lawrence:
“So long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be
a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous, and cruel, as you
are.”

– Lawrence of Arabia

We have Group Meetings about how to have a group
meeting. How Ironic!

I just prepared a budget worksheet with 132 blanks

The best and funniest times are always between 7:00 PM
and 1:00 AM:

– The Koser Laugh made PJ turn so Red after he dropped
his notebook. He is the laughing stock of PC Dukes

– I dyed my Skull Red after a hand painting session.
The look was not so much “Red Skull” as it was “Massive Headwound.” I
do believe the Captain America Headband I was wearing at Dukes was the
final touch. (Headband was found at UREC, Probably Unwashed)

– We discussed the finer points of the Elbow and “Grundel”
relationship

– Steve and I had a chocolate egg fight, which
resulted in bruises to my back, and a headwound.

– I rode Riechers like a Horse! Who wants to ride the
Blowney Poney?

– Apparently, It’s not very gentlemanly to wait till
someone is looking the other way then jump on top of their car and try
to climb in through the sunroof. Jerry thought I was Batman.

——————————————————————–

“Well, you call those useless yerk-toting
frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys and you tell them you’re gonna be an
hour late.”

I tape recorded my recollections of two dreams I had this morning.

Dream one: I was in one of my friends houses and I got robbed by two
guys posing as mailmen. They tied me up with duct tape after my friend
left to go to some Music Festival.

Dream Two: I was in my room and woke up to SUPER LONG HAIR that was 6
inches longer than it had been the day before. I remember thinking,
“Damn! How did my hair grow that fast?”

I also dreamt that I was Han Solo in Star Wars, but that’s pretty
normal for me.

———————————————————–

Steve took the liberty of using pieces of masking tape with the word
“anus” printed on it to mislabel some of my DVD’s in a comical
fashion.

Ghostbusters = Anus Busters

Fight Club = Anus Club

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels = Dirty Rotten Anus

etc.

I must have a super low tolerance for sugar or something, here’s a
conversation I had with a waitress at Calhoun’s that I believe was the
result of sugar-induced Intoxication:

Waitress: “Would you like any dessert?”

Me: (Put arm around man next to me) “This guy…would like a Sloppy
Cream Sundae!”

Waitress: “We don’t have that.”

Alright, My site got moved across servers without notice, so I was
down for awhile. MySQL DB’s, Config.php, and Usernames are now burned
into my tortured soul.

Moving On……Right Now I am as Red as the “Red Skull” but with
significantly less evil. Sadly, My Team is losing.

Shortly Thereafter we Proceeded to Lakeside with Evan.

Apparently, the Red Skull brought us luck. At lakeside we won the
“Hourly” Drawing for March Madness and came into possession of much
junkfood, a T-Shirt, Gatorade, and assorted JMU branded merchandise.
FREE FOOD BABY!

Random Quote Time!

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Today I was in Charlottesville where I did nothing, but the car ride
was worth it.

Yesterday, I sat through an entire class of COB 202 where the guy
sitting next to me smelled like Hot Dogs.

Me: “Does anyone smell hot dogs?”

Kevin: “I was grilling.”

Me: “You son of a bitch. Why must you taunt me?”

——

Tonight (10:00 ish, Lakeside)

Girls: (Giggling, then Stare at Me)

Me: “I am the Redskull!”

——

Calhoun’s

PJ: “Do you think they have pottery classes here?”

Me: “In Calhouns? No, I don’t believe so.”

——

Calhoun’s

Steve: “Have fun with Charlie Batch!”

—–

Charlottesville

Jerry: (Driving like a madman) “There’s gotta be a way out of here!”

Harv: “There’s a sidewalk. Lets Drive through there.”

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Ok, enough quoting. Anyone who’s reading this: feel free to comment on
this story with hilarious quotes.

See it’s funny, because no one posts comments but e-dawg and myself.

In Other News:

– So little sleep, so much PHP

– Red Paint is burning my skull, but in a good way

– Crazy Wild Dreams must be a result of Business of late

No Middle Fingers! It’s Overdone. At least be creative.