Suicide and Elevator Rides
15 Laps at UREC before I realized I shouldn’t be running anymore.
I laid down in the Elevator from the third floor to the first, partly
to see what it would be like moving vertically in a horizontal
position and partly because I couldn’t stand up any longer.
It felt
good to be exhausted physically, it’s the next best thing to being
emotionally exhausted. I feel like I should be doing something with my
energy and since I can’t find an emotional outlet I try to burn it off
like calories.
We had a couple of beers before I drove my sister
to the party. Halfway there I veered over the center divider and felt
like I bumped into something, I veered back and a second later I
felt another bump.
Later they told me I had crossed over the divider and hit a van
transporting senior citizens.
When they asked the driver of
the van why he didn’t get out of my way he said, “She was veering off
to the side of the road where there wasn’t any railing. I let her hit
me so she wouldn’t drive off that cliff.”
I don’t feel cold
anymore. I ride my bike around campus in shorts and simulate a 0� Wind
Chill, but it doesn’t make a difference. I forgot my keys and had to
ride back and forth across campus, bit I enjoyed it because when I
ride my bike I feel like a kid again – real happy and all.
Note to
Self: Bikes are made to transport One Person. One. I’ve tried riding
on a bike with two people and I nearly killed them when I had to stop
suddenly and they flew off the handlebars.
Learning things like this makes me just a little more depressed
than I should be. Being a white-male I was rather perturbed that
suicide is about 60 times more likely for me than girls I know.
In Other News:
– I’ve taken to attending Alcohol Abuse and Eating
Disorder Seminars on Campus
– When I take showers I can hear the
water hitting my skull, from the inside. Maybe this is normal, but it
never seemed this loud to me before
– All my pants (One pair) are
too big for me. I have to hold my pants at the belt when I walk around
for fear that they might fall off. I must look like one of those Jnco
kids from 4 years ago.
– That girl in my GPSYC class (The One with
the powder blue shirt and straight brown hair) had caught my
attention, until she turned around and I saw the huge Tattoo on her
lower back which resembled the Blue Cross/Blue Shield Insurance Logo
– Steve has the Hanta Virus
– Please send me pants