Kazim
Word Up Ladies and Gents,
I fell asleep in the sun a few days
back, so I resembled Two-Face/Harvey Dent with a much crapper
wardrobe. I really enjoyed real, actual light though. I thought I was
going to have an allergic reaction to non CRT luminescence, but I was
happily incorrect. First Off, Did you know so many good looking girls
go to this school? I swear to god, a month ago they were all stuffing
their sweatpants with wool or something, but now they are all somehow
hot and number in the thousands. Dozens upon Dozens of them
spread themselves out on the grass throughout the Village – I believe
this should be treated as a natural phenomenon, like the swallow or
Aurora Borealis. However, there is a downside to this warm weather:
Shirtless Sports. Now, although I myself live in constant fear of
removing my own shirt, I live in an even more constant, even more
fearful fear, of seeing other men/boys with their shirts off. I don’t
know why this is. I’m not homophobic (Lord knows I’ve seen Jerry and
PJ go at it in the suite in the wee hours of the morning enough), I
don’t have a fear of Chest Hair (Chaetophobia), and I don’t harbor any
particular hatred towards volleyball (my hatred is more bland and
generalized, I tend to discriminate against everyone and everything
equally). For some reason I find myself yearning to detonate a nuclear
device strapped to my chest the next time someone says, “sideout.” It
just figures that my dorm is surrounded by athletic fields of
different kinds.
There are only a few places guys should take their
shirts off:
– Sex
– Vietnam
– Concentration Camp
– Pro
Wrestling
– Death
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I
talked to a kid on my way back from UREC today, and now I may be
forced to enroll in the Navy SEAL workout program. It sounds really
cool, and I bet I could totally take down some ruskie patrols if I
play my cards right.
I “post registered” for all my classes today, to confirm my
enrollment in “COB 300 – Business Depravity, and how to subjugate your
fellow Human Beings into positions where they do your bidding.” I am
prepared for the onslaught to come. “My Soul is Prepared! How is
Yours?”
I
can’t describe how Gay not having a TV in our suite is. I think it has
divided us back into three rooms, and we no longer talk to each other.
So, Status Report:
Jerry: Still Ambiguosly Gay, but now he batters
women.
PJ: Addicted to SSX Tricky, but still a frisbee player at
heart.
Evan: Seems to be less suicidal, but still slightly over the
edge.
Riechy: Fears that I am reading his AIM conversations, but has
no idea I treat them like chinese fortune cookies.
Steve: All he
does is sleep, and get IDOC’ed.
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Other News:
– DVD’s? Yes please.
– I just wrote a report on Ted
Bundy – Some of my Best Work
– I spent two hours researching murder
at the library
– Stop poking my chest
Superintendent Chalmers: (seeing the kitchen is fire) “Good lord, what
is happening in there?”
Principal Skinner: “Aurora Borealis.”
Superintendent Chalmers: “Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at
this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely
within your kitchen?”
Principal Skinner: “Yes.”
Superintendent Chalmers: “May I see it?”
Principal Skinner: “No.”