Cork on the Fork

My Family Gathered for the Usual Catch-Up on World Events, whilst my Brother and I jibba-jabbered about technology to our one Uncle who believes computers were not created to overthrow human society.

There is too much food here. My concentration camp habit of not sitting down for meals is making me antsy to get back to eating from a bag of dry cereal and drinking milk from a cup. My Uncle told me I shouldn’t give blood this week, since It looked like I didnt have any to give – hahahahahaha! Well Played. But seriously – who buys the 30 gig Ipod? It’s like 500 Bucks! I mean, 300 for 10 is alright, but 500 is simply outrageous. Ah, Hippocracy.

My Cousin who goes to St. Johns is benefitting from her classical education – I wish I could spend more time on stuff that mattered (Read: Classic Literature, and History) and less on things that JMU forces me to (Read: Every Major except those based in Buildings around the quad).

– Note to Self (Photoshop, Irag, Chechnya, Office)

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Little Things

– Raking Leaves – Not as fun as when I was a kid

– Leaking Raves – More fun than when I was a kid

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Top 5 Thanksgiving Foods:

5) Cranberries

4) Turkey

3) Rolls

2) Mincemeat Pie – Does not Contain meat. You tell me.

1) Those Canned Peas, the real soft Green Ones

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As you may know – Tree Stump Pushing and chainsawing is highly underrated.

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Themed Quote:

Police Officer: What the hell are you driving here?
Del Griffith: We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in a nick of time.
Police Officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del Griffith: Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it’s very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.

Perhaps it was the Tylenol PM, or maybe the JMU produced food….

In the dream I was being chased by a Grizzly Bear. Somehow I managed to trick the bear into chasing after a kindly african american man and his child instead of me – while I hurried in front of them on some kind of feather-tipped, tree branch wings. Eventually, the Bear caught, killed, and devoured the slower non-winged family behind me and started after me. In my haste, i collided with a tree and was killed by the impact, or possibly the bear. Either way, i woke up.

This is how I ended my “Battle of the Bear.” Well, not really – there was more killing of me and slightly less killing of the bear.

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While finding that superb photo of a Bear, I came across this truly interesting, and lovable story of “Bart The Bear”:

Biography for
Bart the Bear (I)   
 
 
Height
9′ 6″ (2.90 m)
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Mini biography
Bart the Bear is perhaps one of Hollywood’s most remarkable animal stars. The Alaskan brown bear was born in 1977 and was brought in by Hollywood animal trainer Monty Cox. Bart’s mother was a bear who was also in films like “Grizzly” and “Day of the Animals”. Bart started to train in acting in 1980 and grew to 9 feet tall, the average for brown bears.

Bart has starred in “The Great Outdoors”, “On Deadly Ground” and “The Edge”. Bart’s co-stars included John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Steven Seagal, Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin whom all where very much impressed with how well a bear could be trained to act and enjoyed the experience with working with animals. Sadly, Bart died in 2000 of natural causes at the age of 20, around the age where bears die, but Bart does have cubs whom will probably be introduced to the screen in the future.

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Trivia
Weighed over 1,700 pounds as an adult.

Bart died during the filming of the documentary Growing Up Grizzly (2001) (TV) which was presented by Brad Pitt – who plays Tristan Ludlow in Legends of the Fall (1994), the character that is killed by Bart at the end of the film.

Little Bart the Bear who had a cameo at the end of Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001) was named after Bart.

Who needs tooth whitening when you have your own vomit to do the job?

That sums up wednesday at 11 PM till Thursday at 9 PM. I blame the Flu.

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I yearn to be Ronald Spiers, unfortunately, I probably don’t have the mettle.

I’m the only person in the world (no proof of this) who laughs and laughs at something comicals, pauses for 2 seconds then says “Yes!” in a rather abrupt, raspy, and forced method to punctuate my satisfaction with the event that has just occured.

As the kid in the commerical for that crappy basketball game would say…,”Beat that, Hotshot!”

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Regardless, I just spent 30 Bucks on Belgian Chcocolate, so it better be GOD-DAMN-GOOD!

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Beligian Chocalatier: “Some foolish American just spent $30 Dollars on something it cost us roughly 3.4 hergmarcks (2.4 US Cents) to make!”

2nd Belgian Chocalatier: “hahHAHAHA….hahha..haha…Yes!”

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“Hahahahahahahaha…Yes!”

Thats for You Riechers, if you happen to read this.

“A ring a ding ding.”

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Indeed, Comic Genius.

Hmm….Well, that’s Good to Know.

Behold! These Random Pictures That Were Recovered Courtesy of the Evanmeister (Evan Stepowany) and his Sidekick…uh…Chibbey Riechs!

Who are these People? Where am I?

Why, Sweet Jesus, Do I have this Hula Hoop?

Someone has a fancy new necklace

Forced to Hula. Oh God. Life. Is. Over.

 These Photos Do Not Represent My Regular Choice of Dining Facility.

Today, I feel a little bit like John Nash (Yes, he was the guy in A Beautiful Mind) because I am tired, have a stubbly beard going from long hours with Financial Data, and know entirely too much about Economics.

My Schedule for Next Semester Pretty Much Illustrates My Thinking:

Econ 331 Intermediate Microeconomic Theory (Why People Do Things, Things Involving Stuff)

Econ 385 Econometrics (Use a Ruler, with Economics)

Econ 300 Special Topics in Economics: Game Theory (This made John Nash Go Insane)

Econ 301 Economies in Transition (AKA, The Soviet Union, and Why It Failed)

Oh Yeah, and Astronomy – Apparently, I have to take a Science. Possibly Two.

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Anyways….

This should be a busy week, since Business Plans are due on Monday. Yes, Business Plans – the whole Point of COB 300 Right? Well, theyre tough stuff – in fact, I’ve given them a Nickname.

Business “Yes, the Professors insist you use real financial data – but since you neither work as a Consultant, have any experience in any industry, or are interested in doing marketing samples to figure out what the numbers are you end up pulling random figures from Shredded Chinese Newspapers and pasting them into excel spreadsheets like trained monkeys” Plans.

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If the Backyard Store were to ever open, in any semblance of its proposed form, in this world or the next, I would burn it down.

If it was constructed in a world without fire, I would probably use laser wapons (which I would assume any decent alternate dimension would have)

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In Other News:

– KJ Benched? KJ Released? Uh – Oh, Spaghettios.

– Watch Band of Brothers

– BCS is good, well, in my opinion.

I’ve given up all the concern I had for my own life. The thought occured to
me when I was weaving in between cement trucks and across double yellow lines on
Port Republic and South Main. On a bicycle. It’s not so much that i want to kill
myself really, just that….I no longer fear death by sudden, crushing
impact.

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Does anyone know how to keep soap from turning into that Jello substance if
it gets soaked in a pool of water? I’m tired of washing myself in Spring Fresh
Jelly in the Shower, but I’ll be damned if I switch to one of those homoerotic
loofa things. I might as well just wipe myself down with a mans boxers while I’m
at it.

Lastnight (5:00) I fell asleep listening to Pearl Jam for 4 hours, and when i
woke up I could not stop  humming Better Man. Today, I will fall asleep
listening to the exact opposite of Pearl Jam to cancel out the tune stuck in my
head. Elton John.

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Also, “Mahogany” is a Movie Where Billy Dee Williams is a Male Model. After
Watching It, I remebered this comical Billy Dee Williams Quote:

“There’s always been a lot of
misunderstanding about Lando’s character. I used to pick up my daughter from
elementary school and get into arguments with little children who would accuse
me of betraying Han Solo.”

It was recently brought to my attention that I live next to a 7-11. Well, maybe not “right next to”…since that place is a laundromat, but at least “in close proximity to.”  7-11 is known for one thing: The Slurpee. And Possibly a second thing: Moderately Priced Cigarettes, Alcohol, and Porno.

I only bring this up because I have noticed something startling recently….A TOTAL LACK OF SLURPEE DRINKING.

When I was a lad, every kid worth his own spit had a slurpee in his possession at least 3 hours a day, Small riouts could be started when a flavor selection ran dry, and Black Cherry was the King of the Icy Beverage Hill.

But Today….Well, I believe the Slurpee has been replaced by Drugs.

Consider This:

1993:

2003:

 * Photos used with permission from the Drug Enforcement Agency, a Division of the Department of Justce.

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I will just insert some Yablonski ranting about children to prove my point.

“My cable went out that one night a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t watch ‘Silk Stockings’, so I had nothing better to do but throw down some Scotch. One of those idiot kids from next door starts banging on my door and I answer it and think he’s a burglar so I push him off my porch into the shrubs. He runs away and then his dad comes over, all pissed off and s&*t. I don’t really care so I tells him he can go back to his house and hump that pile of meatloaf he calls his wife. This pisses the a$%hole off even more, so I push him off the porch into the shrubs. He landed right where his braindead kid did to, it was fuc*(&g hilarious. What a family of retards.”

* Used without permission from Somethingawful.com

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Recently:

– The Meatpuppets

– Chafeur (Designated)

– Half Price Halloween Candy

– DC Anti War Protest (I was there, but wouldnt say I was an activ e participant – I mean, I’m not the kind of guy that bangs on drums in a drug induced haze while slurring anti bush lyrics. But I could be.)

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Movie Time

Marty Cantor: Jack, do you have any idea what a big deal it is to retask those satellites?
Jack Ryan: Yeah.