Cork on the Fork

My Personal Hero – “Ku-Umba” Frank Lacy

Houston, Texas, born and ghetto raised, Frank is the
sixth child of a family of twelve children. His father, a teacher,
played guitar with Russell Jacquet, Eddie Cleanhead Vinson, Johnny
Fontenett and Arnett Cobb. His mother is a gospel vocalist. At the age
of 8, young Frank took up piano lessons and began to play the trumpet
soon after. While in junior high school, he began to play the
Euphonium and the Tuba. To play trombone he started at the age of 16.
After musical studies at the famed Berklee College of Music in Boston
and the Rutgers University in New York he toured with greats like
Dizzy Gillespie, Abdullah Ibrahim, Henry Threadgill, Julius Hemphill,
Oliver Lake, The Eurythmics, Carla Bley and Don Pullen. He was member
of the first Bobby Watson Horizon Band and at the apex of his career
as a sideman he spend a year and a half as musical director of Art
Blakey’s Jazz Messengers.
Besides the work with own groups, Frank still tours a lot with Lester
Bowie’s Brass Fantasy and the big bands of McCoy Tyner and David
Murray. A first CD under his name was published 1991 under the TUTU/ENJA
label: Tonal Weights and Blue Fire. A second one, Settegast Strut, has
been released on the same label.

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In Other News:

– Jack Nicholson is the Devil

– George Bush, Master of Diplomacy…and by “Master” I
mean “Borderline Retarded Irish Setter”

– 5.5 Pounds of Sugary Goodness

– SCREAM! Roger Daltrey SCREAM!

“I’ll tip my hat to
the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I’ll get on my knees and pray
We don’t get fooled again
Don’t get fooled again
No, no!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

***Important Update***

SNOWSTORM KILLS
50!

Alright People, Snow is Well and Good, but now the
heat in our building is broken.

Our windows are frozen
over with condensed water, and all contact has been severed with the
outside world. Doors are blocked by Wandering, Towering Snowdrifts and
cannibalism has begun to creep into our minds.

On the
plus side, My meager stature has eliminated me from the Possible
Cannibalism List, so I am safe for the moment.

Me:
“Seal the Suite! Lest we all freeze to death!”

PJ: “I
hunger for Human Flesh!”

Me: “Hey Jerry, Come over
here. PJ Wants you.”

————————————————

Google
Image Search for Cannibalism:

Save us Jeebus!

He who eats my flesh and drinks my
blood abides in me, and I in him. 

    
– John 6:55

“It’s the best feeling in the world when you meet new friends that
you can’t stand to be without. That you constantly want to impress to
make them like you even more. They make you hope everyday that they
won’t leave you. Until that day when they actually do, and you’re lost
without them. You can’t think about anything else but when you’re
going to see them again.” -Anonymous

“Trust no one. Not your closest advisors, your spouse, your
brother, your God. Trust only yourself, or you will face pain everyday
of your life.”� – Yul Brynner, The Ten Commandments

These two quotes are representative of two periods in my life. The
Yul Brynner quote especially has a cynical tone to it but is, none the
less, true. Going through life without a friend, not� a single
friend, but dozens of acquaintances is the hardest thing in the world
for anyone who has had to endure it.�

Yes, he is prematurely bald. You know who you are, and you know you love it.

On a lighter note, Yul Brynner is the master.

The Following Quotes are From 1960’s The
Magnifecent Seven, where Yul Brynner (Chris) and 6 others are
hired as gunfighters to protect a small farming village from a group
of Desert Raiders.

[The village Calvera’s raiding has
changed.]

Calvera: New wall.
Chris: Lots of new walls, all around.
Calvera: They won’t keep me out!
Chris: They were built to keep you in

Last Line:

Chris: The old man was right. Only the farmers won.�We
lost. We always lose.

Alrighty, I can Sum up Spring Break in just a few short phrases:

–
KUWAMBA!

– Stop Staring at me Swan!

– I think you greatly overestimate your ability to think clearly
while on fire

– Dancing in the Streets of� NYC

– Falling Asleep While Staring at my Lava Lamp

– Riechy Carries the Hanta Virus

– Bitching in a Car

– Evan’s Dog is so GAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

– 3.5 Pounds of Robin Eggs

– Joc (sp?)

– WAWA Refills for $1.29

– 1000 Miles logged, give or take

Basically, I’m too Lazy to write a real update.

To substitute, please partake of the pictures in the Gallery…

———————————————————–

“I don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw
it out. All I got is fuckin’ Floyd.”

– Dick Ritchie, True Romance
�

Once Again, I wake up to SNOW, SNOW SNOW!

If you have never
walked to a party in white-out conditions during a blizzard, I highly
recommend it.

All Aboard the Pain Train!

Acceptable Circumstances
for the “I’m never speaking to you again” Line:

– Someone has
brutally murdered your parents

– You’ve been betrayed in the
Revolutionary War by your closest friend

– Someone has framed you
for a Hate Crime

– You’ve been sent to death row as an innocent man after taking the
fall for someone else

– Genital Mutilation

– Your Brother steals
your Fianc�e

Anything less than this is what I like to refer to as
MELODRAMATIC!

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

————————————————————-

All in All, The Night Was Good to Me. Oh, I wish to
share these pictures as well:

This is all for Jerry Timbrook – do
not send me Hate Mail

Ok, everyone douse your eyes with whatever abrasive chemicals you
can find!

In any case, these pictures tell me two things:

1) Harv
is not gay, at least, not entirely.

2) Jerry is trying very hard to
be “not-gay”, and it is beginning to show.

Note: I do not appear in
Pics because I am antisocial.

In Other News:

– PJ Returns from NC Birthday Extravaganza
(Frisbee and Heroin)

– I feel as Giddy as a School Boy

– I’m going
to model my Life after Dickens most eponymous Character

– Common
Sense Will Prevail

�Common sense and a sense
of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of
humor is just common sense, dancing.

– Clive James

Once Again I have Updated the Site,

I am King of the Internet. Let there be a grand Dorm-Room Feast.
Bring me the finest meats and cheeses in all the land!

I am attempting to mirror this page on a different site to avoid
any lengthy periods of downtime.

Good news, Its been nearly one week since my “Life Experience” and
the urge to kill is slowly disappearing, like so much baby meat into a
fat-mans massive maw.� Perhaps I am not devoid of human emotion
entirely! In any case, I have worked myself into a wonderful groove of
work and play which affords me many, many, hours of sleep each day as
well as many more hours of what I call “nothing time”- ironically
named because my “nothing time” is actually the time during which I am
most productive. My recent increase in free time (Read: NO MORE
GIRLFRIEND) has reminded me of what it truly is to be alone -I don’t
mean that in a bad way- and exactly what kind of person I was before I
had a relationship. Here are a few things I didn’t realize I missed
about the Life of the Loner:

– Can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner anytime I want – no
preplanned meals�������������������������

– Bed feels much, much larger – more room to kick and “freak out”
when I dream about my days in the Vietnam POW camp

– Total lack of phone calls, conversation, e-mail, and Instant
Messaging allow me to continue my pursuit of absorbing all the sights
of my own room (My chair swivels 360 Degrees) including but not
limited to: White Concrete Walls, 8*10 Photo of Bruce Campbell in
Army of Darkness, Box of Frosted Cheerios on empty shelf,�
and the scary African-American man that takes the Cigarettes from my
roommates drawer when he comes in through the window at night

– More time to enjoy Daytime Television – Wait, that’s not a good
thing

– Can once again watch DVD’S where the main character is some kind
of explosion, or possibly a man who can shoot explosions from the huge
flamethrower rifle he carries throughout

– Don’t have to watch the language and can freely tell jokes that
would be considered “In bad taste” by the ladies. Q: What is worse
than a garbage bag full of dead babies? A: 10 Garbage Bags full of one
dead baby.

– No more “Clean Underwear.” I prefer them fully saturated thank
you!

Truly, I live a life that even Jesus himself would be envious of.�
Come back in a few days to see what else I have come up with….

A
Reward For Those Who Have Read This Far