Who needs tooth whitening when you have your own vomit to do the job?
That sums up wednesday at 11 PM till Thursday at 9 PM. I blame the Flu.
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I yearn to be Ronald Spiers, unfortunately, I probably don’t have the mettle.
I’m the only person in the world (no proof of this) who laughs and laughs at something comicals, pauses for 2 seconds then says “Yes!” in a rather abrupt, raspy, and forced method to punctuate my satisfaction with the event that has just occured.
As the kid in the commerical for that crappy basketball game would say…,”Beat that, Hotshot!”
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Regardless, I just spent 30 Bucks on Belgian Chcocolate, so it better be GOD-DAMN-GOOD!
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Beligian Chocalatier: “Some foolish American just spent $30 Dollars on something it cost us roughly 3.4 hergmarcks (2.4 US Cents) to make!”
2nd Belgian Chocalatier: “hahHAHAHA….hahha..haha…Yes!”
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“Hahahahahahahaha…Yes!”
Thats for You Riechers, if you happen to read this.
“A ring a ding ding.”
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Indeed, Comic Genius.
Behold! These Random Pictures That Were Recovered Courtesy of the Evanmeister (Evan Stepowany) and his Sidekick…uh…Chibbey Riechs!
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Who are these People? Where am I? |
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Why, Sweet Jesus, Do I have this Hula Hoop? |
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Someone has a fancy new necklace |
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Forced to Hula. Oh God. Life. Is. Over. |
These Photos Do Not Represent My Regular Choice of Dining Facility.
Today, I feel a little bit like John Nash (Yes, he was the guy in A Beautiful Mind) because I am tired, have a stubbly beard going from long hours with Financial Data, and know entirely too much about Economics.
My Schedule for Next Semester Pretty Much Illustrates My Thinking:
Econ 331 Intermediate Microeconomic Theory (Why People Do Things, Things Involving Stuff)
Econ 385 Econometrics (Use a Ruler, with Economics)
Econ 300 Special Topics in Economics: Game Theory (This made John Nash Go Insane)
Econ 301 Economies in Transition (AKA, The Soviet Union, and Why It Failed)
Oh Yeah, and Astronomy – Apparently, I have to take a Science. Possibly Two.
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Anyways….
This should be a busy week, since Business Plans are due on Monday. Yes, Business Plans – the whole Point of COB 300 Right? Well, theyre tough stuff – in fact, I’ve given them a Nickname.
Business “Yes, the Professors insist you use real financial data – but since you neither work as a Consultant, have any experience in any industry, or are interested in doing marketing samples to figure out what the numbers are you end up pulling random figures from Shredded Chinese Newspapers and pasting them into excel spreadsheets like trained monkeys” Plans.
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If the Backyard Store were to ever open, in any semblance of its proposed form, in this world or the next, I would burn it down.
If it was constructed in a world without fire, I would probably use laser wapons (which I would assume any decent alternate dimension would have)
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In Other News:
– KJ Benched? KJ Released? Uh – Oh, Spaghettios.
– Watch Band of Brothers
– BCS is good, well, in my opinion.
I’ve given up all the concern I had for my own life. The thought occured to
me when I was weaving in between cement trucks and across double yellow lines on
Port Republic and South Main. On a bicycle. It’s not so much that i want to kill
myself really, just that….I no longer fear death by sudden, crushing
impact.
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Does anyone know how to keep soap from turning into that Jello substance if
it gets soaked in a pool of water? I’m tired of washing myself in Spring Fresh
Jelly in the Shower, but I’ll be damned if I switch to one of those homoerotic
loofa things. I might as well just wipe myself down with a mans boxers while I’m
at it.
Lastnight (5:00) I fell asleep listening to Pearl Jam for 4 hours, and when i
woke up I could not stop humming Better Man. Today, I will fall asleep
listening to the exact opposite of Pearl Jam to cancel out the tune stuck in my
head. Elton John.
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Also, “Mahogany” is a Movie Where Billy Dee Williams is a Male Model. After
Watching It, I remebered this comical Billy Dee Williams Quote:
“There’s always been a lot of
misunderstanding about Lando’s character. I used to pick up my daughter from
elementary school and get into arguments with little children who would accuse
me of betraying Han Solo.”
It was recently brought to my attention that I live next to a 7-11. Well, maybe not “right next to”…since that place is a laundromat, but at least “in close proximity to.” 7-11 is known for one thing: The Slurpee. And Possibly a second thing: Moderately Priced Cigarettes, Alcohol, and Porno.
I only bring this up because I have noticed something startling recently….A TOTAL LACK OF SLURPEE DRINKING.
When I was a lad, every kid worth his own spit had a slurpee in his possession at least 3 hours a day, Small riouts could be started when a flavor selection ran dry, and Black Cherry was the King of the Icy Beverage Hill.
But Today….Well, I believe the Slurpee has been replaced by Drugs.
Consider This:
1993:
2003:
* Photos used with permission from the Drug Enforcement Agency, a Division of the Department of Justce.
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I will just insert some Yablonski ranting about children to prove my point.
“My cable went out that one night a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t watch ‘Silk Stockings’, so I had nothing better to do but throw down some Scotch. One of those idiot kids from next door starts banging on my door and I answer it and think he’s a burglar so I push him off my porch into the shrubs. He runs away and then his dad comes over, all pissed off and s&*t. I don’t really care so I tells him he can go back to his house and hump that pile of meatloaf he calls his wife. This pisses the a$%hole off even more, so I push him off the porch into the shrubs. He landed right where his braindead kid did to, it was fuc*(&g hilarious. What a family of retards.”
* Used without permission from Somethingawful.com
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Recently:
– The Meatpuppets
– Chafeur (Designated)
– Half Price Halloween Candy
– DC Anti War Protest (I was there, but wouldnt say I was an activ e participant – I mean, I’m not the kind of guy that bangs on drums in a drug induced haze while slurring anti bush lyrics. But I could be.)
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Movie Time
Marty Cantor: Jack, do you have any idea what a big deal it is to retask those satellites?
Jack Ryan: Yeah.
Yes, My Goal is to pose as an everyday 12 year old – just for free candy. Simple Sweet (2 Dollars at Kroger) McCandyton.
Refer to this crude Photoshop Job:
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The Purple Hat says “Paul”, but the Candygivers don’t Know That. |
Paul needs to make some friend sin the “under 12” category in 24 hours. * They will be the glue that binds this plan together.
* – Note: By placing the phrase “make friends under 12” on this site, I just bumped up my google page rank 567,678 points with all the strange fetish subculture hits I will now receive.
With any luck – by 10 AM the next day I will be lying in a pool of sugar-laced vomit.
Whos with me?
First Things First
I urge anyone who reads this to participate in my Brothers Bear v. Shark Contest. I’m a shark man – how bout you?
I think you’ll also enjoy the accompanying flash game which involves killing divers as a ravenous Great White Shark.
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Secondly, Halloween Movies are Excellent. Also, I am a Tool for Watching them on AMC (American Movie Classics) but I’ll be damned If I can find something else to watch when I’m not watching specials about the German Military on the History Channel.
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Yes! Why Can’t We Have More Movies with Special Effects Presented in a Disgusting, but Surprisingly Comical, Fashion? |
Jack: Now, I’m really sorry to be upsetting you, but I have to warn you.
David: Warn me?
Jack: We were attacked by a werewolf.
David: I’m not listening to this!
Jack: On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf’s curse is lifted.
David: Shut up!
Jack: The wolf’s bloodline must be severed; the last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. It’s you David.
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The Reason I Bring Up an American Werewolf in London is Two-Fold:
1) The Movie is good
2) It’s near Halloween
2) I realized many new and interesting things about this film upon watching it for the first time since my childhood
– Nurse “Whatever Her Name is” is not as hot as I remembered. Hell, she looks like an alien.
– There is Porn featured within the film
– The werewolf is just a fury cow with a Tail and Larger than Normal Teeth
– England is the worst country in Europe
– If I had to Die in England, I would want it to be death by Werewolf – or Better Yet, death by Silver Bullet as a Werewolf
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Moving On
– Does anyone want to Pose as a Child and Trick or Treat? Sadly, I’m addicted to Candy Corn.
– No one walks faster than me when they shop or sight see. I am the fastest walker in the world in those two scenarios. I inherited this from my father.
– Regardless of What Anyone Else May Believe – John Leguizamo is Not Funny.
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The Following is Taken From a SomethingAwful Reeview of Halo for XBOX:
Ooooooh, cars!
Halo is hands down the best console first person shooter. In a wholly unrelated story Pete Douglas is hands down the best pants shitting retard in Cornly County.
Everything about the game says “dumbed down for console”. As long as you are facing an enemy your gun hits them. You can only carry two weapons because finding a cycle button would be impossible on the monolithic Xbox controller. The joystick sensitivity is akin to the penis of a corpse that just had Novocain injected into it, possibly to prevent the slightest movement from flinging the view away from the enemies. Speaking of enemies there are about three different enemies in this game. The verisimilitude of miscreants you will face makes the anemic clutch of spacespawn in Unreal 2 look like the New Brooklyn Space Zoo.
Oh, but you can drive a futurejeep around! Whhheeeeee! All of the vehicles may handle like you’re a drunk driver, but fuck, cars in a shooty game I think I done found Nirvana!
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In Conclusion,
Does Anyone Have HBO?
If Yes, Did yous see the show where they interviewed the Children of Rich, Rich, Rich Families?
Man, I hate those kids. Not that they are snooty, arrogant, or spoiled, but WHERE DID THAT GERMAN KID LEARN TO HOLD HIS CIGARETTE WITH HIS WRIST AT A RIGHT ANGLE AND THE PALM FACING UP?
Mother of God.
